kia re run
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: southport merseyside
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kia re run
thought id best update and will prob get told off by a few but anyhow here goes i finished things with the guy was seeing and have gone back to the A well not back entirely as not living with him yet but basically well im following alot of advice ive read on here im accepting what he is i cant change him and i certainly cant cure and i sure as eck didnt cause this.
Spent the weekend with him and basically went ok was a few gritting teeth moments but we actually did speak honestly told him not moving there if he wants to live with me will have to do it here as no way am i living with an active A and with no one i know im around me and hes said this is ok was ok with idea of me coming back here till i actually came back now is trying to get me to go back there but aint going till next thursday as i told him i would do not been controlled this time as before.
I think as well im happier than ive been in along time cos i feel im more in control well for now i am and im standing up for myself more this time and he does know this time if he messes up i will move on as i did before and its no idea threat so hes trying to change things slowly although the drying out hasnt happened yet am not gonna put any sort of pressure this time suppose im detaching more this time and its not hurting so much and the relistation that hes not drinking to get at me or cos of something ive done hes doing cos he cant stop and is ill which has helped me massively accepting that will keep on posting as dare say there will be rocky road that im riding thanks for all the advice im getting on here though invaluable it is xxxxkia
Spent the weekend with him and basically went ok was a few gritting teeth moments but we actually did speak honestly told him not moving there if he wants to live with me will have to do it here as no way am i living with an active A and with no one i know im around me and hes said this is ok was ok with idea of me coming back here till i actually came back now is trying to get me to go back there but aint going till next thursday as i told him i would do not been controlled this time as before.
I think as well im happier than ive been in along time cos i feel im more in control well for now i am and im standing up for myself more this time and he does know this time if he messes up i will move on as i did before and its no idea threat so hes trying to change things slowly although the drying out hasnt happened yet am not gonna put any sort of pressure this time suppose im detaching more this time and its not hurting so much and the relistation that hes not drinking to get at me or cos of something ive done hes doing cos he cant stop and is ill which has helped me massively accepting that will keep on posting as dare say there will be rocky road that im riding thanks for all the advice im getting on here though invaluable it is xxxxkia
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
...if he messes up......
he's ALREADY DRINKING, what's it gonna take, bank robbery? what does mess up mean for an already active alcoholic?
i hope this goes the way you think it will........be interested to hear the next chapter. be well.
he's ALREADY DRINKING, what's it gonna take, bank robbery? what does mess up mean for an already active alcoholic?
i hope this goes the way you think it will........be interested to hear the next chapter. be well.
It is a re-run. Kia, take care of yourself. Re-establish your boundaries for yourself and please consider maintaining your own living space. You'll need a place of solitude and quiet to heal from some of the rocks you are expecting along the road you've chosen.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
he does know this time if he messes up i will move on as i did before
...You didn't move on Kia. You're still there, and he knows it.
You sound like such a SWEET girl Kia. You really seem to be stuck in denial about this guy. You're going to keep doing what you want, and you keep posting here knowing it's not right because you say you are probably going to "get told off".... no one's going to tell you off hun, but there's really not much anyone can do here but be here for you when you need to vent about what is happening.
Nothing is going to change for you until you make a change for yourself. You keep going in the same circles without learning the lessons that are being presented to you.
Good luck. I really wish you well, and thankfully SR is always here.
...You didn't move on Kia. You're still there, and he knows it.
You sound like such a SWEET girl Kia. You really seem to be stuck in denial about this guy. You're going to keep doing what you want, and you keep posting here knowing it's not right because you say you are probably going to "get told off".... no one's going to tell you off hun, but there's really not much anyone can do here but be here for you when you need to vent about what is happening.
Nothing is going to change for you until you make a change for yourself. You keep going in the same circles without learning the lessons that are being presented to you.
Good luck. I really wish you well, and thankfully SR is always here.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Kia, this post couldve been written by me 8 months ago.
I came on SR in 2008 cuz my exabf was doing cocaine. At that point, I was in denial about his alcohol problem. The cocaine was really just so he could keep drinking longer.
8 months ago, I even had MORE reason to get back with my ex than you do now...at least my ex was PRETENDING to recognize his problem...made a couple visits to his therapist...went to a couple AA meetings.
Most of the people on SR warned me. They said "he is quacking...don't fall for it...don't go back until he has truly surrendered to his disease and fully admits it."
And guess what? Here I am, back again, 8 months later....after I got back w/my x, he told me he wanted to try "moderation management." Well, guess what-he ended up getting drunk about 4-5 times during that little experiment, and despite me telling him off the bat that I would walk if he got drunk, I stupidly stayed.
I ended up in April having to endure a 2 hour drunken angry tirade where he screamed at me, threw his keys at me, shot a squirt gun at me (thk heaven it wasn't a real gun)...I had to call a male friend to come over and help me out. It was BAD. That was my last straw.
Trust us when we say, it can only get worse, not better, as long as you and he are still in denial.
I pray you do not come back months later, like I did, to SR, licking your wounds and lamenting the time you wasted getting back with him, but I don't think the odds are good.
I came on SR in 2008 cuz my exabf was doing cocaine. At that point, I was in denial about his alcohol problem. The cocaine was really just so he could keep drinking longer.
8 months ago, I even had MORE reason to get back with my ex than you do now...at least my ex was PRETENDING to recognize his problem...made a couple visits to his therapist...went to a couple AA meetings.
Most of the people on SR warned me. They said "he is quacking...don't fall for it...don't go back until he has truly surrendered to his disease and fully admits it."
And guess what? Here I am, back again, 8 months later....after I got back w/my x, he told me he wanted to try "moderation management." Well, guess what-he ended up getting drunk about 4-5 times during that little experiment, and despite me telling him off the bat that I would walk if he got drunk, I stupidly stayed.
I ended up in April having to endure a 2 hour drunken angry tirade where he screamed at me, threw his keys at me, shot a squirt gun at me (thk heaven it wasn't a real gun)...I had to call a male friend to come over and help me out. It was BAD. That was my last straw.
Trust us when we say, it can only get worse, not better, as long as you and he are still in denial.
I pray you do not come back months later, like I did, to SR, licking your wounds and lamenting the time you wasted getting back with him, but I don't think the odds are good.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by sandrawg
And btw, if you are determined to stick it out, pls consider going to al-anon meetings. They are a godsend, and trust me, you will need the support of people who have been where you are.
Please set some boundaries.
Beth
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 220
Kia, you are a big girl and are able to make your own decisions about the kind of life you want to live and who you want to share it with. I hope that you will keep working on yourself. Al-Anon and recovery literature have been helpful for me. I wish you well and I will pray for your safety!
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Join Date: Dec 2009
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thanks for the posts i value all your support i have set one boundary for now and thats that i aint moving in with him there as that cuts me off from any support i can get here so suppose thats one and to have regular time at home as for setting the one about not drinking in front of me was no point setting that one as may as well not be back together as wouldnt have had any time together as hes never sober atm it has got much worse in last few months gotta say when we were together last year he did sober up days he worked now hes having probs trying to do that as well.
He has admitted in last week or so hes an alcoholic which is huge step in my book never in all the time i known him heard him say it to me and that he needs help but as i cant do that for him its gotta be him does that not me ill do as someone advised a while ago give him the local AA number then its up to him.
I think the problem is gonna be his dad quit drinking cos was told he would die within 6 months if he didnt and he did it with no help what so ever and he thinks if dad did then so can i his dad lived another 17 years but it got him in the end died of liver cancer and prob he thinks well dad still died so it made no odds but ive said to him yes it did he had nearly 20 more years with his son he wouldnt have had.
I will carry on posting al anon is awkward as i dont drive and its a good bit away from here am gonna give em a ring and see if someone can pick me up though cos i do need the support more now than ever thanks all xxxkia
He has admitted in last week or so hes an alcoholic which is huge step in my book never in all the time i known him heard him say it to me and that he needs help but as i cant do that for him its gotta be him does that not me ill do as someone advised a while ago give him the local AA number then its up to him.
I think the problem is gonna be his dad quit drinking cos was told he would die within 6 months if he didnt and he did it with no help what so ever and he thinks if dad did then so can i his dad lived another 17 years but it got him in the end died of liver cancer and prob he thinks well dad still died so it made no odds but ive said to him yes it did he had nearly 20 more years with his son he wouldnt have had.
I will carry on posting al anon is awkward as i dont drive and its a good bit away from here am gonna give em a ring and see if someone can pick me up though cos i do need the support more now than ever thanks all xxxkia
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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Kia, please try to remember that his recovery, or lack thereof, is entirely his business. The more you choose to involve yourself in it, the more frustration you'll experience. Let him do what he'll do and focus on you.
I'd also like to remind you just how cheap talk is. Words are words. Actions are what speak. I'd encourage you to examine his actions and not listen to his guilt-ridden admissions of addiction. It's easy to say "Oh god I'm an addict", but it's very hard to do something about it.
I'd also like to remind you just how cheap talk is. Words are words. Actions are what speak. I'd encourage you to examine his actions and not listen to his guilt-ridden admissions of addiction. It's easy to say "Oh god I'm an addict", but it's very hard to do something about it.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
So happy you're not living with him. I hope you don't have children with him... they don't have a voice, or a choice to live in an alcoholic home or not.
Unfortunately the title of the post says a lot.. we've seen this a bunch of times, and could tell you the likely end of the story. However, we all make our own lives, and this is the life you're choosing.
We'll be here if it doesn't work out the way you hope.
Unfortunately the title of the post says a lot.. we've seen this a bunch of times, and could tell you the likely end of the story. However, we all make our own lives, and this is the life you're choosing.
We'll be here if it doesn't work out the way you hope.
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
Posts: 741
You spent the weekend with him and there were a few teeth gritting moments. If you have enough you can go home, turn off the phone and the computer and have some peace. Now imagine him drunk constantly in your house. You can't escape it. He's using your money for alcohol and if you won't give it to him he'll bitch at you until you do or manipulate you into feeling guilty.
He'll spend all his money on his addiction and not think about the consequences of running out because he has you to fall back on. He'll contribute nothing to bills or food, he might do initially until he has his feet under the table.
He'll be in your space constantly, drinking and using you and there will be no escape from it.
My A freely admitted he was an addict. Yeah a big step but really only words. Doesn't matter if they admit it or not, nothing changes until they do something about it.
The frustration you feel when you're at his place will only multiply ten fold if he moves in with you. He will leech from you all he can until you've had enough. You WILL change. You will go down with him. You will become more depressed. More isolated. More anxious. More co-dependant.
Am gonna pull up some stuff you've said in your previous posts...just to remind you. Hope you don't mind. Some stuff I've bolded for emphasis. Maybe your own words will be able to reach you.
He'll spend all his money on his addiction and not think about the consequences of running out because he has you to fall back on. He'll contribute nothing to bills or food, he might do initially until he has his feet under the table.
He'll be in your space constantly, drinking and using you and there will be no escape from it.
My A freely admitted he was an addict. Yeah a big step but really only words. Doesn't matter if they admit it or not, nothing changes until they do something about it.
The frustration you feel when you're at his place will only multiply ten fold if he moves in with you. He will leech from you all he can until you've had enough. You WILL change. You will go down with him. You will become more depressed. More isolated. More anxious. More co-dependant.
Am gonna pull up some stuff you've said in your previous posts...just to remind you. Hope you don't mind. Some stuff I've bolded for emphasis. Maybe your own words will be able to reach you.
28th January 2010
i do have dont 1ive with him thank god just moved a1ot of my stuff in with him im 1iving with brother atm and for foreseeab1e future too got no intentions of ever moving in ti11 hes off the booze which wi11 prob be the 12th of never hes on the cider now apparent1y and he thinks this is good.
i do have dont 1ive with him thank god just moved a1ot of my stuff in with him im 1iving with brother atm and for foreseeab1e future too got no intentions of ever moving in ti11 hes off the booze which wi11 prob be the 12th of never hes on the cider now apparent1y and he thinks this is good.
3rd February 2010
hi we11 did go stay with him ermm how did it go we11 he didnt stop drinking we never spoke of any of the things that he did to me cos to my mind it affected him more not saying it made him fee1 more gui1ty i suppose sunday was the worst so have started to write a1ot of the stuff down so i dont forget it.
hi we11 did go stay with him ermm how did it go we11 he didnt stop drinking we never spoke of any of the things that he did to me cos to my mind it affected him more not saying it made him fee1 more gui1ty i suppose sunday was the worst so have started to write a1ot of the stuff down so i dont forget it.
13th February 2010
nothing he says can i ever be1ieve and wi11 a1ways wonder is this the truth or more 1ies and this is the best bit i 1eft some money 1ast time i was here to pay for new kb for this puter 30 pounds a1ot of money for me and hes spent it on booze and not on1y that he expected me to repay this to get the kb another 30 p1us the 30 for his own one i was gob smacked when he said this and when i said u had no right to spend that u wi11 have to pay it back he said we11 u have to pay some of the bi11s here ermmm i dont 1ive here i said and he gave me such a 1ook of utter surprise but i dont 1ive here i 1ive with my brother.
nothing he says can i ever be1ieve and wi11 a1ways wonder is this the truth or more 1ies and this is the best bit i 1eft some money 1ast time i was here to pay for new kb for this puter 30 pounds a1ot of money for me and hes spent it on booze and not on1y that he expected me to repay this to get the kb another 30 p1us the 30 for his own one i was gob smacked when he said this and when i said u had no right to spend that u wi11 have to pay it back he said we11 u have to pay some of the bi11s here ermmm i dont 1ive here i said and he gave me such a 1ook of utter surprise but i dont 1ive here i 1ive with my brother.
13th February
it just fee1s 1ike im breaking inside have fought so hard to keep this re1ationship going and now it on1y seems to be me crying over it he doesnt seem in the 1east bit upset about it just keeps saying u broke up with me a1though hes not 1etting me touch him in any way so its kinda fee1ing horrib1e right now cos im hurting and hes not seeming1y cos think i know him we11 enough to know if he was upset and he dont seem to be prob cos he never 1oved me as much as i 1ove him cos hes not even fighting to keep me mind u maybe now he wi11 be ab1e to drink in peace maybe thats it his 1st mistress is we11 in contro1 now ive a1ways been 2nd best and sti11 am
it just fee1s 1ike im breaking inside have fought so hard to keep this re1ationship going and now it on1y seems to be me crying over it he doesnt seem in the 1east bit upset about it just keeps saying u broke up with me a1though hes not 1etting me touch him in any way so its kinda fee1ing horrib1e right now cos im hurting and hes not seeming1y cos think i know him we11 enough to know if he was upset and he dont seem to be prob cos he never 1oved me as much as i 1ove him cos hes not even fighting to keep me mind u maybe now he wi11 be ab1e to drink in peace maybe thats it his 1st mistress is we11 in contro1 now ive a1ways been 2nd best and sti11 am
your so right hes actua11y not fighting to keep me and has sajd he wont do that hes not prepared to do anything and has spent most of today trying to make me fee1 gui1ty and its worked cos i do fee1 gui1ty right now so whats the answer then wa1k away and fee1 so bad or stay and put up with it
we11 hes given me and kiss and a cudd1e and thinks thats everything back to norma1 in me paying for most things and his drinking it a11 away nothing is so1ved or changed i go home on tuesday and i rea11y need to make some decisions i can stick to even now hes watching me a11 the time cant even ta1k to friends on msn and hes just asked me what thread im updating and i 1ied how daft is that
24th February
had to write this down whi1st sti11 fresh we11 i 1et him attack me again and how far back have i know gone to the beginning ca11ed me some vi1e names so now im confidence is shattered so im sat here crying not knowing what way is up and tis me i 1et him i again was ca11ed a disab1ed freak amounst others he knew how to hurt me the most.
dont 1ive with him thankfu11y just hes trying to conto1 me from a distance and why i didnt just turn it off i dont know know that now no need to put up with it and have on intention of going there in the foresab1e future but wi11 poss go with a friend to stop me fa11ing for it again and start the round about a11 over again was awfu1 1ast time i was there the jea1ousy was so bad fe1t watched every move i made fe1t re1ief when i 1eft cos cou1d breathe again and have no wish to be 1ike that again and things are much worse now than what they were then thanks though eh xxxxxx
had to write this down whi1st sti11 fresh we11 i 1et him attack me again and how far back have i know gone to the beginning ca11ed me some vi1e names so now im confidence is shattered so im sat here crying not knowing what way is up and tis me i 1et him i again was ca11ed a disab1ed freak amounst others he knew how to hurt me the most.
dont 1ive with him thankfu11y just hes trying to conto1 me from a distance and why i didnt just turn it off i dont know know that now no need to put up with it and have on intention of going there in the foresab1e future but wi11 poss go with a friend to stop me fa11ing for it again and start the round about a11 over again was awfu1 1ast time i was there the jea1ousy was so bad fe1t watched every move i made fe1t re1ief when i 1eft cos cou1d breathe again and have no wish to be 1ike that again and things are much worse now than what they were then thanks though eh xxxxxx
13th March 2010
hi just thought id write some of my thoughts down as been doing a bit of reading 1ate1y about psyco1ogy it wou1d seem my A is a psycopath that the drinking was prob formed from that and u know i read a11 the reports down by the socia1 services and he to1d me himse1f and i 1aughed it off his mums one too nut job u see i thought they were 1ike hanniba1 1ecture u know what i mean but seeming1y not and a11 i read about them 1ate1y we11 it a11 s1ots into p1ace now its how i dea1 with it is the prob1em i suppose a11 the signs were there the behaviour and i never saw it and what with dads death too its a11 proving over we1ming im gonna go see my doc get some he1p cos rea11y fee1 this is more than i can cope with atm
hi just thought id write some of my thoughts down as been doing a bit of reading 1ate1y about psyco1ogy it wou1d seem my A is a psycopath that the drinking was prob formed from that and u know i read a11 the reports down by the socia1 services and he to1d me himse1f and i 1aughed it off his mums one too nut job u see i thought they were 1ike hanniba1 1ecture u know what i mean but seeming1y not and a11 i read about them 1ate1y we11 it a11 s1ots into p1ace now its how i dea1 with it is the prob1em i suppose a11 the signs were there the behaviour and i never saw it and what with dads death too its a11 proving over we1ming im gonna go see my doc get some he1p cos rea11y fee1 this is more than i can cope with atm
19th March
He was trying so hard 1ast night to pick a fight but didnt raise to it just kept it civi1 was obvious he had been drinking even though when i asked he said he had been sober for a month which was more 1ies as on1y 2 weeks ago on the phone he to1d me he was drinking cos my dads death has upset him no sympathy for me though on1y how it effected him so same o1d same o1d and he didnt 1ike them 3 1ines off here the i didnt cure cause it or contro1 it but hey there u go.
He was trying so hard 1ast night to pick a fight but didnt raise to it just kept it civi1 was obvious he had been drinking even though when i asked he said he had been sober for a month which was more 1ies as on1y 2 weeks ago on the phone he to1d me he was drinking cos my dads death has upset him no sympathy for me though on1y how it effected him so same o1d same o1d and he didnt 1ike them 3 1ines off here the i didnt cure cause it or contro1 it but hey there u go.
12th May
So then we start the converation about how yes i sti11 1ove him and no im not coming back and no i wont come back ti11 u been in recovery for over a year and as im not even convinced hes stopped drinking then im staying where i am. He was 1ivid so annoyed started making up a11 sorts of 1ies about the guy im with now very obvious 1ies too
So then we start the converation about how yes i sti11 1ove him and no im not coming back and no i wont come back ti11 u been in recovery for over a year and as im not even convinced hes stopped drinking then im staying where i am. He was 1ivid so annoyed started making up a11 sorts of 1ies about the guy im with now very obvious 1ies too
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
Kia, so many of us here know how hard, how gut wrenching it is to leave, even when you know you should, when you know you must. If you want him in your life, can't you just see him without moving in together, here or there? Once he has moved into your place, you will not be able to access the support that you will need. If you can go home by yourself whenever you want to, you can at least maintain your sanity. Living with an active alcoholic almost made me lose my mind. Think very carefully. Keep posting, take care of yourself. You are worth it. We all are.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: southport merseyside
Posts: 536
Originally Posted by nodaybut2day
Kia, please try to remember that his recovery, or lack thereof, is entirely his business. The more you choose to involve yourself in it, the more frustration you'll experience. Let him do what he'll do and focus on you.
I'd also like to remind you just how cheap talk is. Words are words. Actions are what speak. I'd encourage you to examine his actions and not listen to his guilt-ridden admissions of addiction. It's easy to say "Oh god I'm an addict", but it's very hard to do something about it.
I'd also like to remind you just how cheap talk is. Words are words. Actions are what speak. I'd encourage you to examine his actions and not listen to his guilt-ridden admissions of addiction. It's easy to say "Oh god I'm an addict", but it's very hard to do something about it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: southport merseyside
Posts: 536
Originally Posted by Tally
You spent the weekend with him and there were a few teeth gritting moments. If you have enough you can go home, turn off the phone and the computer and have some peace. Now imagine him drunk constantly in your house. You can't escape it. He's using your money for alcohol and if you won't give it to him he'll bitch at you until you do or manipulate you into feeling guilty.
He'll spend all his money on his addiction and not think about the consequences of running out because he has you to fall back on. He'll contribute nothing to bills or food, he might do initially until he has his feet under the table.
He'll be in your space constantly, drinking and using you and there will be no escape from it.
My A freely admitted he was an addict. Yeah a big step but really only words. Doesn't matter if they admit it or not, nothing changes until they do something about it.
The frustration you feel when you're at his place will only multiply ten fold if he moves in with you. He will leech from you all he can until you've had enough. You WILL change. You will go down with him. You will become more depressed. More isolated. More anxious. More co-dependant.
Am gonna pull up some stuff you've said in your previous posts...just to remind you. Hope you don't mind. Some stuff I've bolded for emphasis. Maybe your own words will be able to reach you.
He'll spend all his money on his addiction and not think about the consequences of running out because he has you to fall back on. He'll contribute nothing to bills or food, he might do initially until he has his feet under the table.
He'll be in your space constantly, drinking and using you and there will be no escape from it.
My A freely admitted he was an addict. Yeah a big step but really only words. Doesn't matter if they admit it or not, nothing changes until they do something about it.
The frustration you feel when you're at his place will only multiply ten fold if he moves in with you. He will leech from you all he can until you've had enough. You WILL change. You will go down with him. You will become more depressed. More isolated. More anxious. More co-dependant.
Am gonna pull up some stuff you've said in your previous posts...just to remind you. Hope you don't mind. Some stuff I've bolded for emphasis. Maybe your own words will be able to reach you.
No way will i move him with him there though and cut myself off again been there done it not going there again visits are fine cos that way i can come away when its too much
xxxkia
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
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Originally Posted by seekingcalm
Kia, so many of us here know how hard, how gut wrenching it is to leave, even when you know you should, when you know you must. If you want him in your life, can't you just see him without moving in together, here or there? Once he has moved into your place, you will not be able to access the support that you will need. If you can go home by yourself whenever you want to, you can at least maintain your sanity. Living with an active alcoholic almost made me lose my mind. Think very carefully. Keep posting, take care of yourself. You are worth it. We all are.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
I frankly think it's because alcohol brings out the WORST in someone's personality. If they already have anger issues, the alcohol weakens the controls in their brain that keep them from expressing it. My xabf had anger problems even while not drunk. They became completely abusive and out of control when he'd been drinking-that's why I had to leave if he didn't stop.
Originally Posted by kia
tis exactly what im gonna do keep my own place to go to when its too much for me cos there very loud arent they why do the feel the need to have to shout everything xxxkia
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Originally Posted by sandrawg
I frankly think it's because alcohol brings out the WORST in someone's personality. If they already have anger issues, the alcohol weakens the controls in their brain that keep them from expressing it. My xabf had anger problems even while not drunk. They became completely abusive and out of control when he'd been drinking-that's why I had to leave if he didn't stop.
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