revelation7

Today, is day one., and I'm scared....really scared. I'm not sure which way to turn. I never really knew what an alcholic is.. i mean, i've asked myself ..."What is the definition of an alcholic?" For the last few weeks, i think i've been coming to the realization that i TRULY have a problem. For me,. the realization finally hit when i realized that i cannot stop at one drink. Its odd that I seem to have lost the power to sense when i've had a few drinks,& I am now getting drunk. I used to know that. Now, it seems that I drink, and as soon as i have one glass of wine, one bottle of beer, one of ANYTHING - i cannot stop - and I don't stop...until i cannot drink anymore. i don't seem to even possess the ability anymore to say, "OKAY, you've had 2 drinks, - that's enough". When i realized and accepted that for the truth - it scared me and is scaring me. I don't know what "stage" i'm in of alcholism - I just know that this is where it stops for me. I'm angry with myself - I realized today that I have been drinking daily for well over a year. daily...for over a year - maybe even 2 yrs. It' a horrible feeing to wake up after "sleeping it off"....an wonder, wow, why does it feel like my brain is numb" gee, .... . It is emotionally painful for me to admit -something, a substance...has had this kind of power over me. I refuse to lie to myself any longer about this. I'm looking for help and support. I would like to go to AA,
but need to find information on time and place of meetings in my area - I found a phone# for a local chapter,but have been fighting calling them because if i start talking about this, ....I don't want to cry

Anna

Hi and Welcome!

It's really hard to admit that we are addicts and that alcohol can no longer be a part of our lives. We do understand!

You can go to Alcoholics Anonymous : to find meeting schedules in your area.

sugarfiend

I want you to know there are lots of people out there that know exactly what you mean and have been where you are. You have already done a very brave act by just registering and posting on this site.

There are 24-hour numbers out there for help and support any time you feel like you need someone to talk to. I think it's healthy to cry about it - it's just the natural part of the healing process - don't be afraid to cry and let some of those feelings out.

Take it hour by hour, day by day and keep on posting and reading.

WhiteWave

We all have both different and similar reasons for finally calling ourselves alcoholics - and it's not a fun line of reasoning to venture down.

I'm happy to have you here at the very start of your sober journey; trust me, it's a very good place to come

One big thing that's helped me (and I was focused and scared at the same time in the beginning too) is treating each day like it's day one all over again. Just staying in that mindset has played a major role in not really getting the desire to drink.

So, all the best on your first day here, and any day after!

Blessed be!

WW

Dee74

Hi Revelation7

It is both scary and awful (in the true sense of the world) when you realise you really do have a problem....but you're not alone...and it's not the end of the world - it's the start of something pretty damn wonderful really....taking back your life

I'm glad you're on board
D

revelation7

Dear anna, white wave, and sugarfiend and anyone else who reads my thread.
Thank u so much for writing - I deeply appreciate it. Today is the first day I have not had a drink. It may be only one day, but it's a gift and i appreciate it, and am proud of it. I plan on a day to day blog - bc writing is helpful to me - Though i have never blogged before. If any of you (and i'm sure there are many) would agree to pray for me, i'd so very much appreciate it. Listening to you all, and just reading your replies of support is very uplifting and inspires a new level of confidence. I have just looked up AA meetings in my area for tommorrow, and am committed to going. I would be going tonight, but I have a prior commitment to drive to VA to ck on and feed/water my daughters pets - as she is away on a business trip. Again, thanks to everyone - sending a huge hug to all =)

Taking5

I travel to MD occasionally and have been to a few meetings there. It looks like Frederick has a lot of meetings:

West Central MD AA Meetings

Just pick one and go. Announce yourself as a newcomer when they ask that question, and pick up a beginner's chip if they give those out. Don't be afraid to cry, we have seen it all, even 6'6" 300 lb men cry in AA meetings. You will be surprised at the support you will get, IMHO.

price

Welcome! It gets better.

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community.....

I'm so pleased you are here with us and heading
into a healthy sober future....

Prayers zinging your way
Forward we go...side by side

Brucel

welcome to SR'
I read that an alcoholic is someone who has lost the ability to control their drinking. I belong to SR, and I got sober in AA. I still go to AA and find support and understanding here and there. Hope you find what you're looking for. God Bless

tjp613

I will pray for you revelation. Good luck and I'm so happy to hear you're going to AA.

artsoul

Sending prayers and a warm welcome! I was terrified the first few days, wondering what life would be like without alcohol, and wondering if I could really do this. It was such a relief to come here and be among people who knew just what I was going through. I lived at SR the first weekend I got sober.

You're going to have some feelings of anxiety/depression (part of withdrawals), but that should start getting better after a couple days. It really does get better - you'll be amazed! Glad you're taking action.

revelation7

*BBsmiles* I just got home from Alexandria, VA and was delighted to check in and see all of your supportive comments - THANK YOU!
This is a wonderful place! i'm getting ready to head to bed now, and am so happy. Why? because i didn't have a drink today, and this will be the first night i have not gone to bed in a long time completely sober. Thank you all again - i don't know much about AA but, i'm making it a point to go tommorrow. Thanks for talking and allowing me to be part of a place i'm sure has helped and continues to be a place of help, and hope to many others.

revelation7

**OOPS.. what i MEANT to say, was - this is the first night that i HAVE gone to bed completely sober LOL* geeze, sorry about the typo, ------ when i re-read my post - i said omgosh! =)

artsoul

I think we would've guessed that's what you meant, lol! Congratulations on getting through day 1 - that's awesome! The mornings after not drinking the day before are the BEST. (Don't worry if you have some insomnia at first - it will go away).....Sweet dreams!

sable1

I too have been asking myself what the definition of an alcoholic is, and realized that the definition pretty much fits me.

Good luck with sobriety and hope you manage to stick with it!

revelation7

Today, I am feeling very happy. Relieved that i've finally found the courage to put a name to what i've been going through. Also, wow, its awesome to wake up with a clear head, instead of one that felt like it was going thru a pickling process (which it was) I've been reading much on the boards - but mostly newcomers area. My last drink was apprx Sunday evening 7-ish or so.-- so i'm in day 2. its great to have a place to come and just write- i'm finding it helps a lot. I've been doing a bit of research into possible connections between people who have had gastric bypass and alchoholism. Before my bypass, i lived a life of deep depression bc i was mortified by my appearance and my lack of ability to take care of the problems causing it. Everyday my first waking thought was how was i going to attack the problem? what was the answer? After years and years of "dieting", trying all forms of dieting, exercising, low carb, high carb, counseling, OA, etc etc, - i gave up, Ate more and more, and spent all of my time in depressed isolation from the outside world. I also had diabetes which my doc and i had tried a 6 mo plan with exercise, and almost 100% protien in an effort to get it under control. It didnot work and not bc i cheated or didn't do what i was supposed to do. I'd always been a very healthy eater as far as the food choices i made - however, i was a binge eater (wow, i think i'm seeing a corelation here and some dramatic parallels) i'd eat until i got so sleepy, i'd have to sleep it off, -- each time waking up more mortified with myself and my total lack of control - guilt and depression were my constant unwelcome companions of the ugliest sort. This went on most of my adult life, and then i started researching - i was terrified of diabetes and what it was doing to me - like a silent enemy. I started doing a lot of research - on NIH website, they listed gastric bypass as he only known possible "cure" for adult type2 diabetes. I went on to thoroughly research the validity of this, and over the nxt 3-4 mos, made a decision to pursue it. I knew it was dangerous - but i felt i'd rather take a chance on dying than t continue with "life" the way it was. long story short -- i had the operation, and i've never experienced one second - of regret. I still don't - i'd take that chance 100x over. Even though i do see great parallels between my overeating and now over-drinking - IMHO that is NOT the fault of my surgery, it's bc i still get overwhelmed by life and all of it's circumstances and foibles,...and ive made choices to hide, and numb-out by using first food, the alchohol. I've read this morning about many blaming their gastric BP (on a dif site) - excuse me, but in my again, humble opinion, once again, that is a load of (yah, u know what lol*) I am a person who simply seems to not handle to pressures and rigors of life well - if things start to press and squeeze, i want to run and hide - *magical thinking* IF i don't handle it - it will go away. geeze... No one tied me down and force-fed me. -
life - no matter the hardship, is precious beyond description - it is a gift. I can embrace it or abuse it, and lose it. I'm not willing to do that - and I give thanks for those of you here who i know feel the same way. I'm going to chose to honor the body God gave me, i choose to love myself, my children, and family enough to do that. This experience has been a real eye-opener for me, and i'm thankful for that. Again thanks to everyone, and more than anything thank you for jus letting me talk out loud. My prayers for peace, love, joy, exploraton and the exhilaration of living (LIVING) every new day as a journey to each and everyone of you. LIFE is beautiful !

Ghostlight

Hi, and welcome!

I've been exactly where you are. I remember being on a four day binge, drinking around the clock and only stopping to pass out.
Running out of money and being terrified to stop drinking.

I would lay in bed and think, "There is nothing I can do. I can't hold down a job. Nothing".
What an empty feeling.

I've 'quit' dozens of times, once through AA, and this time by myself. I've strung together six months now, and now I can't imagine life drinking again.
What a turn-around, going from being afraid to stop, to being afraid to drink.
I'll tell you what, I'll take the latter.

I feel great now. I'm proud of myself. I can start a conversation with complete strangers.
I can take a walk without debilatating anxiety.
I was highly respected in my field of work, until an accident left me disabled.
Still, I manage. One day at a time. One hour, or minute if needed.

I'm doing it, my friend, and if this chronic drunk of 25 years can, so can you.

If you're so inclined, pray. If you're not, find something in your life worth living for without drink. I highly recommend AA. I was terrified to go. I'd walk by the meeting place too anxious to go in. Well, I finaly did go in, and met a group of people just like me. I could relate to everything anyone shared about. Funny thing was, me and the others in the group had little in common, except a desire to stop drinking.
I grew to look forward to the meetings.
After six months, I volunteered to answer the AA hotline on Sunday mornigs. THAT was an eye-opener. People just like me reaching out for help.

Anyway, I ramble.

Please try and find something that works for you this time. It requires action. And the choice is yours. A new life awaits you.

Best wishes,

Paul G.

revelation7

Hi Paul and thank you! I am most definitely of the praying sort! If you are - PLEASE pray for me and I most definitey will pray for you, if you'd like. My faith is everything, and i believe more surely in what i've found there than anything else in life. I believe God really brought me up short in this and is responsible for showing me very clearly, and very lovingly - I have a problem, and I will not succeed w/o Him. Thank YOU for writing to me,and I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! 6 MOS!!!! YES! Way to go!!!!

(for me "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me"
God bless everyone - may you have peace, Joy, today and all of your days!