End stage alcoholism
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: atlantic canada
Posts: 42
End stage alcoholism
I thought I was the one that suffered from the effects of alcoholism but my suffering is pale in comparison to those dying of this disease. My heart is so broken by the thought that I will soon be saying goodbye to someone I love. This someone was once a proud man...a strong and confident man. Now he can no longer walk from all the falls he has had. He walks into people's homes with pissy pants and does not even notice he's incontinent.
He no longer shaves or cleans himself up. He has broken ribs from one fall only to break more on the other side on his chest. He has been in and out of detox a few times this month but only lasts a day or two. He never eats...can't anymore so he says. His bank account is empty and so is his desire to live.
No one wants to be around him anymore so he drinks alone or with someone he would never have associated with had he been sober. They take advantage of him and he will soon lose everything he worked hard for...35 years of hard work running a big farm.
Dear Merciful God
Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change and the courage to accept what is....
Thanks for listening
Maggie
He no longer shaves or cleans himself up. He has broken ribs from one fall only to break more on the other side on his chest. He has been in and out of detox a few times this month but only lasts a day or two. He never eats...can't anymore so he says. His bank account is empty and so is his desire to live.
No one wants to be around him anymore so he drinks alone or with someone he would never have associated with had he been sober. They take advantage of him and he will soon lose everything he worked hard for...35 years of hard work running a big farm.
Dear Merciful God
Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change and the courage to accept what is....
Thanks for listening
Maggie
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: atlantic canada
Posts: 42
Thanks for your kind words...Yes we must walk our own path...I have walked a long way feeling alone but thanks to Al Anon I don't feel that way anymore. I ended the relationship with this man some time ago. I have stepped in when he called me suicidal as he needed urgent help so I called the police for assistance. I have driven him to detox. I am never around him if he is drinking and I do not take his calls if he is drunk.
I know God has a plan and I have no right playing Holy Ghost Jr. I makes plans with my friends and go out doing fun things. I work on my home and on myself. I am going to be okay no matter what God has in store for me. I see how he answers my prayers and I now have learned to listen for Him and to be grateful to Him when He answers my prayers.
I am not a religious person but through Al Anon I came to believe that I power greater than myself could restore me to sanity...I just had to let Him.
Anyway thanks so much again....it just felt like the hug I needed right now.
Maggie
I know God has a plan and I have no right playing Holy Ghost Jr. I makes plans with my friends and go out doing fun things. I work on my home and on myself. I am going to be okay no matter what God has in store for me. I see how he answers my prayers and I now have learned to listen for Him and to be grateful to Him when He answers my prayers.
I am not a religious person but through Al Anon I came to believe that I power greater than myself could restore me to sanity...I just had to let Him.
Anyway thanks so much again....it just felt like the hug I needed right now.
Maggie
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 10
Maggie, today I have been feeling sad about losing my wife of 22 years to alcoholism. That was over 3 years ago, and you sound like you have been able to let go much better than I have. You are wise to have accepted your powerlessness over his disease.
Our hearts have been broken in a way only those of us losing a love to this awful disease can understand. It's not fair that good people and those who love them must feel so much pain. I feel sad with you.
Our hearts have been broken in a way only those of us losing a love to this awful disease can understand. It's not fair that good people and those who love them must feel so much pain. I feel sad with you.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I do feel your pain, Maggie. I watched my late boyfriend succumb to alcoholism until nearly the end. I, too, left him when it became too difficult to bear. I couldn't help but notice your use of the phrase, "dear merciful God." I can't imagine a merciful God allowing anyone, including me, to suffer through such pain. But perhaps instead of a merciful God, He's just God. Much like I'm just human.
In a perfect world, there would be no pain and suffering. In the real world, they exist right along side joy, peace, health, and happiness. Perhaps there is a divine plan and one day more will be revealed. Or perhaps it's just the ebb and flow of life. I don't have the answer but I can give you a hug and tell you that, in time, the pain fades and the sun will shine again.
In a perfect world, there would be no pain and suffering. In the real world, they exist right along side joy, peace, health, and happiness. Perhaps there is a divine plan and one day more will be revealed. Or perhaps it's just the ebb and flow of life. I don't have the answer but I can give you a hug and tell you that, in time, the pain fades and the sun will shine again.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Georgia
Posts: 50
Dear Saving, I feel your pain. I'm the mother of a 43 year old alcoholic. I don't know when his end will come, but it's on the way. I don't talk to him much, if at all, any more. I think he's living on the street and I know he has no job, lost his wife and children, has no insurance, and probably by now has no real friends. My heart breaks every time I think of the life HE chose to live. He did the rehab thing so often but it never lasts. He gets into his head that "he can do it alone". He can't. I never thought I could let go and be of the mindset that it truly is in God's hands. There is NOTHING I can do to help him at all. He's not welcome in our home due to all the lying and stealing. It so very sad to feel like I do about my own son but I just got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I HAD to distance myself and just wait for the phone to ring.
I hope you can find peace and as hard as it may be, accept the inevitable.
Thoughts and prayers are with you friend.
Lucy
I hope you can find peace and as hard as it may be, accept the inevitable.
Thoughts and prayers are with you friend.
Lucy
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Anywhere but here...
Posts: 227
I feel your pain Maggie..
Our Heavenly Father is so very merciful. He gives us the grace to live our lives of our own free will. The bible tells us there will be trials, but if we believe in Him, then we will come through the storm. He will use those trials for His glory. We may not understand it, but God is LOVE. Pure and simple.
Sometimes it's hard to believe that God is merciful when we see so much pain and suffering in this world. He loves us and cries for the broken world we live in. He sees our pain, and if we would only reach out to Him, maybe our world wouldn't be so broken. Maybe there wouldn't be so much disease, sickness, addiction and pain. But, we are always trying to get ahead of God. We need to step out of His way, but it's our sin nature to try to do what we have no business messing around in!
I am sorry for your pain. Alcoholism is a disease that takes not just the alcoholic down, it takes many lives down with it. You are very strong and wise to put it in God's hands. He is the Redeemer and He is the one your A must turn to in order to find healing. He is the only way. You cannot save him. No matter how hard you try.
I will pray for you, that our loving, merciful Father gives you comfort in your grief.
~ Linda ~
Our Heavenly Father is so very merciful. He gives us the grace to live our lives of our own free will. The bible tells us there will be trials, but if we believe in Him, then we will come through the storm. He will use those trials for His glory. We may not understand it, but God is LOVE. Pure and simple.
Sometimes it's hard to believe that God is merciful when we see so much pain and suffering in this world. He loves us and cries for the broken world we live in. He sees our pain, and if we would only reach out to Him, maybe our world wouldn't be so broken. Maybe there wouldn't be so much disease, sickness, addiction and pain. But, we are always trying to get ahead of God. We need to step out of His way, but it's our sin nature to try to do what we have no business messing around in!
I am sorry for your pain. Alcoholism is a disease that takes not just the alcoholic down, it takes many lives down with it. You are very strong and wise to put it in God's hands. He is the Redeemer and He is the one your A must turn to in order to find healing. He is the only way. You cannot save him. No matter how hard you try.
I will pray for you, that our loving, merciful Father gives you comfort in your grief.
~ Linda ~
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Welcome Maggie. Thanks for sharing. I need reminders that I am not alone in these feelings we share. Someday my Dad is going to go and it is going to be difficult. I need to remember to strengthen my relationship with my HP to help prepare for that day. Thank you for reminding me to do so. I needed to hear that.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Hi Maggie, 
I worked ten years in two different nursing homes & another 10 years as a Geriatric Mental Health Counselor. Many of my clients were end stage alcoholics with other medically related complications that led to their death.
Some of them weren't very old. I had two male clients that were 40 years old & diabetic + one was waiting for a kidney transplant. He needed his teeth pulled and wouldn't listen to his doc that he should have them pulled one or two at at a time but my client insisteded on getting them pulled all at once in a hospital setting & it was too much of a shock to his whole system & his heart couldn't handle it & he died.
The other one had a brother that would come bring him vodka or take him out to drink. One night he came back with a fifth of vodka hidden in his coat & preceeded to drink the whole bottle that night...they found him dead in the morning.
I was assessed at the age of 48 as an end stage alcoholic & hospitalized in the local hospital to detox...I wanted to be sober more than anything else in the world & did it with the help of my doctor, the Alcohol Counselor, AA Meetings & sober friends & the support of my family & friends..I sobered up just for myself & it worked. I ended up with the new career at Mental Health & loved my job. It has been 21 years since I got sober & help for depression. My husband & I are retired & both sober. We have a good life together now & really help care for each other & our illnesses.
It is almost unbearable to watch an alcoholic go through the stages of alcoholism. I was a living picture of one with a red face that I told people was adult acne so I was so ashamed of myself. It did go away in nine months just as my doc told me. My family history is full of alcoholics & depression.
I wish you the best of luck & remember you need to take care of yourself first to be there for others who made need your support.
I worked ten years in two different nursing homes & another 10 years as a Geriatric Mental Health Counselor. Many of my clients were end stage alcoholics with other medically related complications that led to their death.
Some of them weren't very old. I had two male clients that were 40 years old & diabetic + one was waiting for a kidney transplant. He needed his teeth pulled and wouldn't listen to his doc that he should have them pulled one or two at at a time but my client insisteded on getting them pulled all at once in a hospital setting & it was too much of a shock to his whole system & his heart couldn't handle it & he died.
The other one had a brother that would come bring him vodka or take him out to drink. One night he came back with a fifth of vodka hidden in his coat & preceeded to drink the whole bottle that night...they found him dead in the morning.
I was assessed at the age of 48 as an end stage alcoholic & hospitalized in the local hospital to detox...I wanted to be sober more than anything else in the world & did it with the help of my doctor, the Alcohol Counselor, AA Meetings & sober friends & the support of my family & friends..I sobered up just for myself & it worked. I ended up with the new career at Mental Health & loved my job. It has been 21 years since I got sober & help for depression. My husband & I are retired & both sober. We have a good life together now & really help care for each other & our illnesses.
It is almost unbearable to watch an alcoholic go through the stages of alcoholism. I was a living picture of one with a red face that I told people was adult acne so I was so ashamed of myself. It did go away in nine months just as my doc told me. My family history is full of alcoholics & depression.
I wish you the best of luck & remember you need to take care of yourself first to be there for others who made need your support.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: atlantic canada
Posts: 42
Wow thanks everyone. I am crying with sadness for him but grateful for all of you for caring and sharing your experiences with me. I have never been more humbled by this entire experience. One of the reasons I am not with him is that i want to remember the man he was before it took him down to this point. The other reason is I need to take care of me....something I struggled with for a long time....I needed to step aside and let God do his work.
God has taught me some wonderful things by bringing this man into my life. I will speak about them later as I now have to get ready for work.
Love and peace to all and thanks again for being there for me...
Maggie
God has taught me some wonderful things by bringing this man into my life. I will speak about them later as I now have to get ready for work.
Love and peace to all and thanks again for being there for me...
Maggie
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Meggy,
so sorry to hear you're going through this. I know what it is like to watch someone you care for distroying they life in such a way. I was were you are not that long ago. So I'll just say I think you're doing the right thing distancing yourself from it. And I suggest keep working on yourself as hard as you can, do whatever it takes to keep your recovery going in the right direction. It's a process, a hard one too, but the more you work on it, the more you're honest with yourself, the more you're willing to question yourself and your beliefs and paradigms on life, the easier it gets. As it reduces your emotions getting overwhelming on you.
I'd love to hear more from you, you can PM me if you like.
I wish you well
Sesh
so sorry to hear you're going through this. I know what it is like to watch someone you care for distroying they life in such a way. I was were you are not that long ago. So I'll just say I think you're doing the right thing distancing yourself from it. And I suggest keep working on yourself as hard as you can, do whatever it takes to keep your recovery going in the right direction. It's a process, a hard one too, but the more you work on it, the more you're honest with yourself, the more you're willing to question yourself and your beliefs and paradigms on life, the easier it gets. As it reduces your emotions getting overwhelming on you.
I'd love to hear more from you, you can PM me if you like.
I wish you well
Sesh
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
3 1/2 years ago, my husband lost his battle with alcoholism. My AH had once been so amazingly strong, healthy, smart and hard working...putting in long hours everyday, 7 days a week - and for 22 years had never missed a day of work.
His transformation was stunning in the last few years of his life. This once strong, highly productive, hard working man in a few short years began incredibly sickly and frail. He developed so many alcohol related illnesses after decades of alcohol abuse ... and years of living in denial, believing alcohol would ever hurt him. He felt he was invincible.
Where once my AH could be on feet working for 16 hours a day, handle complex financial issues, had an incredible memory, better than normal eyesight and an amazing energy level ... he became someone that needed a cane to walk, he could no longer even manage the simplest math, he had serious memory loss forgetting most things within hours, he was in constant severe pain, slept long hours, and had serious vision loss. He eventually developed atrophied arms and legs, a swollen belly, and jaundice. All this was the result of bathing every cell in his body with alcohol for years.
Sadly a few months before he died, I finally realized his time on this earth was coming to an end, and at this point, I also knew there was nothing anyone could say or do that could stop his self destruction.
For me the most tragic of all is that his 2 sons are left knowing that if their father had made different choices he would still be in their lives today, cheering them on their accomplishments, their straight A’s in college or his oldest son’s entry into a top law school - things he would have been so proud of. Because of his choices, he is no longer here to share their milestones.
Despite his failing health and tumultuous years of trying to reason with him in vain ... like so many alcoholics, he illogically seemed to choose self destruction over sobriety. He became another story of the horrifying outcome of addiction. ... truly heart breaking and tragic.
May you find peace and serenity during this difficult time
His transformation was stunning in the last few years of his life. This once strong, highly productive, hard working man in a few short years began incredibly sickly and frail. He developed so many alcohol related illnesses after decades of alcohol abuse ... and years of living in denial, believing alcohol would ever hurt him. He felt he was invincible.
Where once my AH could be on feet working for 16 hours a day, handle complex financial issues, had an incredible memory, better than normal eyesight and an amazing energy level ... he became someone that needed a cane to walk, he could no longer even manage the simplest math, he had serious memory loss forgetting most things within hours, he was in constant severe pain, slept long hours, and had serious vision loss. He eventually developed atrophied arms and legs, a swollen belly, and jaundice. All this was the result of bathing every cell in his body with alcohol for years.
Sadly a few months before he died, I finally realized his time on this earth was coming to an end, and at this point, I also knew there was nothing anyone could say or do that could stop his self destruction.
For me the most tragic of all is that his 2 sons are left knowing that if their father had made different choices he would still be in their lives today, cheering them on their accomplishments, their straight A’s in college or his oldest son’s entry into a top law school - things he would have been so proud of. Because of his choices, he is no longer here to share their milestones.
Despite his failing health and tumultuous years of trying to reason with him in vain ... like so many alcoholics, he illogically seemed to choose self destruction over sobriety. He became another story of the horrifying outcome of addiction. ... truly heart breaking and tragic.
May you find peace and serenity during this difficult time
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