starting over
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: FL
Posts: 173
starting over
I am once again starting over. I have quit drinking several times, but always think I can go back. Duh!! I am mid 40 and been drinking since 17. Never lost a job over it supported myself and to the outside world was high functioning and ambitious. The reality is that I isolate myself as soon as I get out of work and live on my own so it is truly a double life that I am so tired of living.
I lost a good paying job in Dec 2009 due to the company closing. Since then I have done everything I can, but due to paycuts and another layoff, I am filing bancruptcy and giving up the house. I have been unemployed since March and have a job prospect to look forward to, but another paycut and a job I am well over qualified for. Since I will be working for friends from the previous job I am willing to try it and hopefully get back on top. I looked at this as an opportunity to start over.
Truth be told I have been sober 53 days in this 90 day period 2-3 weeks at a time because I know that without being sober I will not be able to truly rise above.
I have relapsed twice due to the absolute isolation I feel, and I do not like AA, it is not for me. I also had to put my 10 year old dog to sleep at the end of April and am still grieving so much. I am not married and have no kids so she was like my child. I stayed sober for 3 weeks after that and then let one day of being depressed allow me to convince myself that I could just drink one night.
2 weeks later I quit again for 14 days and then just got bored!
I have been lurking, but need to participate. I now know that if I had reached out those 2 nights It would not have been so easy to relapse, so I am trying again. I truly want a new start, but I need to be patient that it will happen and that is not one of my strong points.
My life has changed completely in 3 months time, may as well change the drinking as well once and for all.
I lost a good paying job in Dec 2009 due to the company closing. Since then I have done everything I can, but due to paycuts and another layoff, I am filing bancruptcy and giving up the house. I have been unemployed since March and have a job prospect to look forward to, but another paycut and a job I am well over qualified for. Since I will be working for friends from the previous job I am willing to try it and hopefully get back on top. I looked at this as an opportunity to start over.
Truth be told I have been sober 53 days in this 90 day period 2-3 weeks at a time because I know that without being sober I will not be able to truly rise above.
I have relapsed twice due to the absolute isolation I feel, and I do not like AA, it is not for me. I also had to put my 10 year old dog to sleep at the end of April and am still grieving so much. I am not married and have no kids so she was like my child. I stayed sober for 3 weeks after that and then let one day of being depressed allow me to convince myself that I could just drink one night.
2 weeks later I quit again for 14 days and then just got bored!
I have been lurking, but need to participate. I now know that if I had reached out those 2 nights It would not have been so easy to relapse, so I am trying again. I truly want a new start, but I need to be patient that it will happen and that is not one of my strong points.
My life has changed completely in 3 months time, may as well change the drinking as well once and for all.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Sorry to hear AA's not for you. The steps have kept me sober for over 3 years now.....during which time I lost a job, got a new job began the process of losing my house (presently), and put my 14 year old Labrador to sleep.
I didn't want to be part of AA when I started. Truth is, I didn't want to admit "their" solution was was better than anything I could come up with on my own..... but I'll take that little shot to my ego for 3+ years of sobriety anytime.
Good luck to ya.
I didn't want to be part of AA when I started. Truth is, I didn't want to admit "their" solution was was better than anything I could come up with on my own..... but I'll take that little shot to my ego for 3+ years of sobriety anytime.
Good luck to ya.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: FL
Posts: 173
Thanks for the input
I appreciate the input, I will not rule out AA as I start my new journey. Sorry to hear about your troubles as well, especially your dog. Your story just proved to me that posting was the right thing to do. I have some good friends, but they are not aware of the extent of the drinking and since I work with many of them, I do not want to share it with them. I already feel less alone!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 66
Hey Mel, you sound a lot like me. AA (or any type of meeting) is just not my way. I'm a loner, but... the last year I've made huge steps towards getting more friends and opening up. Then I found SR, and decided maybe I could ask for a little help for once, instead of doing it all my own. SR has made all the difference in my second go at sobriety.
The best advice I can give you is now is the time to reinvent yourself. People should naturally grow and change during life, but the way you value yourself sometimes doesn't follow along. Now's your chance to write new dreams and goals. You say your life has changed completely in 3 months. I hope you see this as a positive change.
And get a puppy. In fact, get two. Two dogs are a lot better than one. I certainly know of the pain of losing a pet. I've had them all my life, and you lose a member of your family when they go. The best way to get over that is to get another one.
Dogs don't judge their owners, and we don't judge people here either. We just support and understand. Keep posting!
The best advice I can give you is now is the time to reinvent yourself. People should naturally grow and change during life, but the way you value yourself sometimes doesn't follow along. Now's your chance to write new dreams and goals. You say your life has changed completely in 3 months. I hope you see this as a positive change.
And get a puppy. In fact, get two. Two dogs are a lot better than one. I certainly know of the pain of losing a pet. I've had them all my life, and you lose a member of your family when they go. The best way to get over that is to get another one.
Dogs don't judge their owners, and we don't judge people here either. We just support and understand. Keep posting!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: FL
Posts: 173
Thanks Kingscross. The changes in the last 3 months have been devastating. I am basically losing everything I have worked so hard for due to job situations I had no control over. I have been able to look at it positively for the most part, but there could not have been a worse time to lose my dog. I truly do believe everything happens for a reason, but I have been unable to wrap my head around why that happened. It was unexpected.
As for a new puppy, right there with you, but my mother decided after that happened that I should join the family for a week long cruise next month. She is paying. I know that if I have a new puppy someone else is looking after for a week I will worry. I have also thought about more than one puppy, but financially I am not not sure that would be responsible. I have been puppy and kitty sitting in the meantime, but still miss the full time companionship. Again it is that patience thing I need to master.
My dog had a great life and a great mom and I absolutely will do the same for another puppy as soon as I am able.
As for a new puppy, right there with you, but my mother decided after that happened that I should join the family for a week long cruise next month. She is paying. I know that if I have a new puppy someone else is looking after for a week I will worry. I have also thought about more than one puppy, but financially I am not not sure that would be responsible. I have been puppy and kitty sitting in the meantime, but still miss the full time companionship. Again it is that patience thing I need to master.
My dog had a great life and a great mom and I absolutely will do the same for another puppy as soon as I am able.
at peace
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: KCMO
Posts: 166
Sounds very familiar. I lost my job of nearly 30 years in 10/08. It's been a weekly if not daily struggle ever since. I've already file bankruptcy (discharged thankfully) and my house is all but gone after trying several maneuvers. I owed a wonderful dog for 14 years but she died about a year before I was laid off so I had some time to get over that but the pain is still there. My drinking as been an on and off thing the last two years. At least I'm trying to quit but haven't made it stick yet. Starting over again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: FL
Posts: 173
Thanks tom. I just filed the bankruptcy so I am at the beginning of what to me is a little bit of a scary process. It will take the bank awhile to get around to taking the townhouse away. I thought about trying to save it, but it is older and has a lot of plumbing problems and there are so many foreclosures, the neighborhood has gone down hill. Taking a big leap here, but want to be strong enough to go through it so I am determined to do everything I can to stay sober and rebuild my life. I really do have a lot to look forward to, just need to take care of myself so I can get there.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 66
"I am basically losing everything I have worked so hard for"
Yeah, but maybe just letting it go is the best step for you right now. We define ourselves by our possessions but it's really a trap. People just want you to buy their stuff. It's hard to find things that have true meaning, but I bet I know three things:
Your health, your future dog, and your peace of mind.
So if you like, "things happen for a reason", and here's your chance to let it go, let it all fall, and just notice the little things. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Don't drink, don't worry, and when you're sober things will fall into place.
I hope this helps. It's a big thing happening to you. Your drinking is not what you want it to be, your losing your stuff, lost your dog, your job. Well, you can control one of those things. Take control and you'll feel better.
Yeah, but maybe just letting it go is the best step for you right now. We define ourselves by our possessions but it's really a trap. People just want you to buy their stuff. It's hard to find things that have true meaning, but I bet I know three things:
Your health, your future dog, and your peace of mind.
So if you like, "things happen for a reason", and here's your chance to let it go, let it all fall, and just notice the little things. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Don't drink, don't worry, and when you're sober things will fall into place.
I hope this helps. It's a big thing happening to you. Your drinking is not what you want it to be, your losing your stuff, lost your dog, your job. Well, you can control one of those things. Take control and you'll feel better.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Sorry to hear you're going through such hardship. It does help to reach out to people, so maybe check out some ways to get through this without being alone- there are counselors on sliding fee scales, AA and Smart Recovery to name a few.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: FL
Posts: 173
Thank you everyone. I am so grateful for your support and am very happy I came out of lurking mode. Kingscross, you are 100% correct, there is a huge relief in letting go of the financial issues, it is a relief. I can honestly say that I did the best I could, but I need help now that only bankruptcy could provide. I view that as a business decision and am actually not beating myself up for it. I also now that now that debt is being dealt with, I will have less pressure and stress. I also have a great family (they drive me nuts though!) I will always have a safe place to stay! I just need a connection with people that understand addiction because my family, although dealing with alcohol addiction from my father for 50 years (another story, another time) chooses to ignore signs that I have the same problem. In all fairness I do most of my drinking alone. Not discussing this with them now though. I am the one everyone relies on in my family and they will downplay it like they do everything.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Mel and welcome! Your post resonated with me, too, and I'm so glad you've decided to join us! I felt all alone in my alcoholism until I came here. I know you'll find as much support and encouragement as I did.
I'm at the edge financially myself, but it's not nearly as bad sober as it would be while drinking. It sounds like you're ready to start again in a positive direction. That's great! And we're right there with you!
I'm at the edge financially myself, but it's not nearly as bad sober as it would be while drinking. It sounds like you're ready to start again in a positive direction. That's great! And we're right there with you!
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