PaperDolls

Any advice on working the 5th step with a sponsee? I will re-read the 4th and 5th steps just before meeting with her. I will pray for my HP to help me see the things/say the things I need to.

Any advice from those of you who have experience doing this? I think I'm a little nervous. Eeeek!!

WakeUp

I'm not a sponsor, but I would say listen with an open heart.

shaun00

Well here are some-things we do.

I tell them that it is a privilege for me to hear it and i re-affirm confidentiality

I Always always allow enough time....it may be lengthy.....Normally if i get the privilege to hear it ill go for a whole day clear...give or take.

i have an hour of prayer and meditation before........ i suggest to the sponsee they do the same.....as well as afterwards.

i also ask they to call me that evening or we will meet up again......within 24hrs.
i ask them if they have any dark corners or stuff they have omitted..

i will then pray for said person and thank god for putting me in the right place at the right time.

Jfanagle

I echo all of Trucker's suggestions and might add that I always make a point after we have finished the sharing, to read the 6TH and 7TH steps with the sponsee and recite the 7TH step prayer.

I always make a point of asking the sponsee to tell me about their character traits that they are MOST PROUD OF and also those same traits that they feel others in their lives are appreciative of. Again my opinion, but I feel that it is important that we make it clear that no one is all bad or defective, there are many characteristics that will be enhanced as we lead a sober life.

In my opinion and based on several 5TH steps, as long as we come together to take this important step with willing hearts and minds they always work out.

Jon

Ananda

i'm on the other end of this...workin on my 4th and dreading my 5th....

So i would be interested in what others have felt thier role is in "judging" or "pointing out" or whatever to the person who is sharing their 4th step.

it confuses me, cause i want to do this step right...want to be open to critizism, but I don't exactly see other AA members as having exactly the skills to percieve and tell me what my "real" problem is....

That doesn't sound right..i don't know how to explain it...

But like what trucker shared...he didn't say anything about telling the person sharing their 4th what defects they see..or how they see the selfishness and selfcenteredness displayed.

Is the sponsor supose to tell you that stuff, or are they supose to just help you to see as much of it as you can for yourself...

Zoobear

Admitted to God, ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. My job is to listen. I dont judge or point out defects. I do share a few of my wrongs during the step to show Im not looking down on any one. Thats just me though.

shaun00

Thats the plan as i see it...........i can share my own experience to offer a different perception...i do that often

im not a judge....nor am i god.........but every step five is different.
Do you want someone to tell you what a bad person you are?...

my responsibility is to be closed mouthed.......not to be judge and jury.

Ananda

I was sorta thinking that, but I get real worried that i'm missing the trip sometimes....

OK...well the main thing right now is to do the 4th.....then decide WHO to do a 5th with...

tomvlll

We are not therapists in AA where we need to analyze what sponsees say in any kind of professional way. AA does not send sponsors to school to learn how to hear 5th steps the correct AA way.

Remember, the BB never even says you have tell your 5th step to a sponsor.Just think if you weren't in AA. Some friend could have just asked you hear her 5th step.
What would you have done? Just listened, no? Maybe given some common sense feedback.

Don't put pressure on yourself.Things always seem to have a way of working out. Must be that higher power thing.

24hrsAday

i Just Shared My 4th Step With My New Sponsor This Past April.. i Added a Few Things i Missed The First Time With My Old Sponsor.. Just Be Honest And You Will Be Glad You Did!

Brucel

So many good things have been said, the only thing I might add is what my sponsor did for me. I had what I thought we're sins or defects only committed by me and the guy with horns. My sponsor shared with me some of the things of his past that he had overcome thru sharing a 5th. With his honesty the cold, dark corners of my 4th that I didn't even write down seemed easier to let go of. Ensure trust, insist on honesty, because the lack of either can cause hesitation. What Tomvil said sounds good to me, really, it's a friend helping a friend get thru a hard reality in their life. Nothing more, nothing less. Besides, it's God that doeth the work. You're just a set of ears with a smile attached. God Bless

Pinkcuda

In the 5th steps I've listened to I had to tell some of them that they must have confused me with Dr Laura.

Chops

I like this one, I told my sponsor (best 5th step person for me) everything because I knew he wasn't a gossip. It allowed for a thorough inventory.

So I would tell yourself and your sponsee that even under the duress of water boarding what is said during the 5th step stays between you two.

PaperDolls

My sponsor didn't judge me at alll but she helped me see some patterns that I couldn't see. Like she says, it's better if they see them but if they don't you can help them see it.

Reading over the 6th and 7th is a great idea.
I'll have her call me one hour after she leaves - and prays and meditates about it.
I'll remind her that this is just between us and I'm not here to judge.
I'll share with her some of my "demons".
I'll thank her for the privilege of letting me hear her 5th step.
I'll pray and meditate before and after it.
I'll have her give me some of her assets as well.


I'm feeling a bit selfish, I have to admit. My 5th step didn't take that long, maybe 2 hours? I'm afraid hers will take like, forever, and I'm dreading that. I need to get over that I know. This isn't about me. It's about her and her sobriety. If she needs hours then she needs hours. I'll pray more about that.

Thanks for all the input, this is helping to make it less scary.

tomvlll

I think you will find yourself doing a little ( maybe a lot) of 5th step work as well.

" OMG, I did that too, I just never thought of it when I did my 4th Step."
I bet I did more 5thsteps with sponsees over the years than I did with my sponsor.

It's one of the many benefits of sponsorship.

Tommyh

paperdolls,I just did another lengthy 5th step several weeks ago with my sponsor
here is what he did
we got together and sat quitely for 2 minutes to make contact with the great reality deep down inside us(page 55),then we prayed together. I had read over step 5 in the big book before we met.
I went over all my resentments,fears and sex inventory,it took about 6 hours
He listened quitely,and took a few notes....after I was done,
he IMMEDIATELY sent me home to get my big book and read over the first 5 steps,making sure I was not leaving nothing out,and to pray and meditate and think over it for one hour,the Hour of Grace,he called it
then I was to go to step 6 in the big book,and answer the 2 questions
1.am I ready to have God remove those defects (yes)
2.do I believe God can (yes)
thats all we need to be concerned with on step 6-no more,no less

if my answer was yes to both questions,I was to do my 7th step on my knees and use the prayer from the book,and he noted that when I got up from my knees,I then stepped thru the Arch to Freedom,a free man.I now have the tools for a daily inventory for a daily reprieve to practice in ALL my AFFAIRS


the Hour of Grace is very important,it is sometimes overlooked by a sponsor who rushs a sponsee into a 6 & 7 steps,I am glad my sponsor and God allowed me the privelge of living it and sharing it with others

PaperDolls

Well, she canceled on me.

navysteve

I found that my 5th step wasn't truly over until I heard one. There was magic in me sharing some of my horrors that I do not share in open meetings

Boleo

If the person you are working with seems to be holding something back, try revealing something shocking about yourself just to make them feel less shameful. It might even get you some extra spiritual awakening as well.