More madness
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 10
More madness
Hi everyone,
It's been almost a year since I've posted here. Our son continues his spiral into alcoholism and the toll on our family has been great. After completing probation in Dec., AS decided he was ready to attend school again (community college), so I dutifully drove him to classes every day. The second week into the semester, I picked him up from evening classes, he was black-out drunk. I don't even know how he walked to the car. He had taken liquid soap from the school and put it in coffee. The next day he was expelled from school "indefinitely" by the dean. He was violent in the classroom, screaming and throwing over desks. We insisted he enter yet another 30 day rehab that DAY, then a sober living facility. He ended up at a homeless shelter about 2 weeks ago; he's now sitting in jail after a week-end bender that involved the police drawing their guns so he would put down a knife.(He was threatening suicide) My husband and I are at odds about leaving him in jail; he is remorseful this time and taking responsibility for everything he's done. I'm considering talking to an attorney about committing him, but it's an uphill battle in this state. I have lost hope at this point, and accepted that he may not live through this disease. My husband is in denial and is ready to bankrupt the family trying to "help" our son. He accused me of giving up today. Thanks for letting me vent, reading this forum has made me feel less alone.
It's been almost a year since I've posted here. Our son continues his spiral into alcoholism and the toll on our family has been great. After completing probation in Dec., AS decided he was ready to attend school again (community college), so I dutifully drove him to classes every day. The second week into the semester, I picked him up from evening classes, he was black-out drunk. I don't even know how he walked to the car. He had taken liquid soap from the school and put it in coffee. The next day he was expelled from school "indefinitely" by the dean. He was violent in the classroom, screaming and throwing over desks. We insisted he enter yet another 30 day rehab that DAY, then a sober living facility. He ended up at a homeless shelter about 2 weeks ago; he's now sitting in jail after a week-end bender that involved the police drawing their guns so he would put down a knife.(He was threatening suicide) My husband and I are at odds about leaving him in jail; he is remorseful this time and taking responsibility for everything he's done. I'm considering talking to an attorney about committing him, but it's an uphill battle in this state. I have lost hope at this point, and accepted that he may not live through this disease. My husband is in denial and is ready to bankrupt the family trying to "help" our son. He accused me of giving up today. Thanks for letting me vent, reading this forum has made me feel less alone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
jennmac,
oh, i understand your pain.
since your son is feeling remorseful, do you think he would consider "committing" himself?
and i am sorry your husband is accusing you of giving up.
i have never given up, just gave up my front row tickets to the destruction.
i just wanted to tell you i hear you.
and glad to hear you feel less alone.
beth
oh, i understand your pain.
since your son is feeling remorseful, do you think he would consider "committing" himself?
and i am sorry your husband is accusing you of giving up.
i have never given up, just gave up my front row tickets to the destruction.
i just wanted to tell you i hear you.
and glad to hear you feel less alone.
beth
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by jennmac 
My husband is in denial and is ready to bankrupt the family trying to "help" our son. He accused me of giving up today. Thanks for letting me vent, reading this forum has made me feel less alone.
It's not your (or your husband's) battle to fight, so you really cannot "give up" on something that was never yours to begin with. You can let go, and that is a healthy thing to do. Counter-intuitive, but healthy. Unfortunately, it is possible to "help" and addict to death. Is it possible you and your husband could attend an Alanon meeting (or several
)?L
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 10
Thanks for the support. I will find out if he can commit himself. He might agree to it after this incident. I haven't spoken to him since he was arrested, and I refuse to visit him in jail. I am ready to let go, for my own sanity. My husband will have to find his own way; he refuses to accept what is happening. Thank you for replying, it's much appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by jennmac
Thanks for the support. I will find out if he can commit himself. He might agree to it after this incident. I haven't spoken to him since he was arrested, and I refuse to visit him in jail. I am ready to let go, for my own sanity. My husband will have to find his own way; he refuses to accept what is happening. Thank you for replying, it's much appreciated.
I'm sorry your husband isn't on the same page as you, but it is an immense burden lifted when we let go for our own sanity.
Please know I will be keeping all of you in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
I would second the suggestion to go to Alanon. I am still paying off ADs rehab (had 2 get 2nd job). Not willing to bankrupt us. I haven't given up.. you know that recovery is a choice only he can make. Lots of people go to AA (FREE), as you probably know, that's where the rehabs take them every day! Let go or be dragged...sounds like you are ready to let go of the rope..good for you.
Climbing hills, flying down...
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: By the Sea
Posts: 565
Originally Posted by jennmac
Hi everyone,
It's been almost a year since I've posted here. Our son continues his spiral into alcoholism and the toll on our family has been great. After completing probation in Dec., AS decided he was ready to attend school again (community college), so I dutifully drove him to classes every day. The second week into the semester, I picked him up from evening classes, he was black-out drunk. I don't even know how he walked to the car. He had taken liquid soap from the school and put it in coffee. The next day he was expelled from school "indefinitely" by the dean. He was violent in the classroom, screaming and throwing over desks. We insisted he enter yet another 30 day rehab that DAY, then a sober living facility. He ended up at a homeless shelter about 2 weeks ago; he's now sitting in jail after a week-end bender that involved the police drawing their guns so he would put down a knife.(He was threatening suicide) My husband and I are at odds about leaving him in jail; he is remorseful this time and taking responsibility for everything he's done. I'm considering talking to an attorney about committing him, but it's an uphill battle in this state. I have lost hope at this point, and accepted that he may not live through this disease. My husband is in denial and is ready to bankrupt the family trying to "help" our son. He accused me of giving up today. Thanks for letting me vent, reading this forum has made me feel less alone.
It's been almost a year since I've posted here. Our son continues his spiral into alcoholism and the toll on our family has been great. After completing probation in Dec., AS decided he was ready to attend school again (community college), so I dutifully drove him to classes every day. The second week into the semester, I picked him up from evening classes, he was black-out drunk. I don't even know how he walked to the car. He had taken liquid soap from the school and put it in coffee. The next day he was expelled from school "indefinitely" by the dean. He was violent in the classroom, screaming and throwing over desks. We insisted he enter yet another 30 day rehab that DAY, then a sober living facility. He ended up at a homeless shelter about 2 weeks ago; he's now sitting in jail after a week-end bender that involved the police drawing their guns so he would put down a knife.(He was threatening suicide) My husband and I are at odds about leaving him in jail; he is remorseful this time and taking responsibility for everything he's done. I'm considering talking to an attorney about committing him, but it's an uphill battle in this state. I have lost hope at this point, and accepted that he may not live through this disease. My husband is in denial and is ready to bankrupt the family trying to "help" our son. He accused me of giving up today. Thanks for letting me vent, reading this forum has made me feel less alone.
Hi Jenmac,
I am so sorry for your pain. I felt compelled to respond to your post because your situation reminds me so much of what my family is going through with my sister, who has been an active alcoholic for the last 12 years (but her problems started much earlier in life). She is now 42, has no job, and lives at home with my parents. She continues to drink and not seek help for her addiction. My parents are at a loss; they think that they are helping her by letting her live with them, when in reality they are prolonging her disease because they pick up the pieces for her, do everything for her, support her financially, accept her drinking even though it is killing her. It is a sad situation. My other siblings and I are basically separated from my parents and sister now because we don't want to be around her drinking and alcoholism. I'm sure I cannot entirely relate because I am not a parent. But this is a family disease, and decisions affect everyone in the family.
I cannot tell you what to do with your son...that is your decision. But I know what you're going through, how you feel, and wanted to wish you good thoughts.
I learned in al-anon that the definition of not enabling is to basically "not do what an adult is capable of doing for him/herself". Once I set up this boundary with my sister, things got a lot easier for me.
Have you investigated al anon?
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