LegalLady

Well, back to step 1 - not because I drank, but my life has once again become unmanageable and I am powerless. Haven't posted here in a while but I know I am welcomed here like any AA meeting. Working with others has wiped me out. Lots of bad things have happened and its just taken a toll. The good thing is I didn't drink. I go over Step one a lot and I'm going to do another 4th step. Its just sometimes I get tired of the service work. People keep dying and going back out there. (Why I'm suprised I don't know, it took me since 1993 to get the 27 months I have now). Sometimes, I just don't want to work with others. Is this normal. My sponsor tells me I need some Alanon or Codependent meetings but I told her I just can't stand the thought of another sponsor. Pretty bad huh.

Tommyh

Legallady,I remember when you first got sober.Now you are working with others and doing service work,and at 27 months,you are still sober.You have come a long way.
Seeing others die hurts,but when we stay sober and keep coming back,we do tend to see it quite often.It hurts just the same.Thats why we need to rest up,step up and carry on,to save ourselves and try and help others..I am sure you are doing a very good job...hope you keep coming back!

todd6138

Try a different meeting- we all get in a rut. Hang in there you are doing great if you have 27 months- being a chronic relapser myself, I know what is like to have depression creep in and start whoopin my anus. I am so lucky to have a couple good friends- and even my twin- available most hours. Of course they are in AA.

Boleo

I myself feel this way sometimes but have been told it is not unusual to go through phases like this. Still other times (like right now), I feel somehow compelled to try and help other alcoholics.

All I know is, if I stay selfish long enough, my old feelings of being restless, irritable and discontent will return. It sometimes takes weeks, but it will happen sooner or later, so I don't wait to see how long I can get away with it.

Also, when I do try to help others, I make an effort and detach from the outcome. As far as I am concerned, if it keeps me sober, I am 100% successful. Not because I work a selfish program, but because I let God handle the miracles.

intention

Hi LL,

Maybe you don't need another sponsor but maybe your sponsor has a point. I certainly would suggest you read up about codependency - books by Melodie Beattie are good - Codependent No More or New Codependency.

Perhaps what your sponsor is seeing here is your involvement with working with others is not normal but excessive in terms of the amount you attach emotionally and by doing that it is causing you harm. You are getting worn out, exhausted and upset when things are not working out for them.

Like alcohol, we don't drink normally but excessive to the point of causing ourselves harm.
Like resentments, we don't have normal resentments we have excessive ones which cause us harm.
Like fears we don't have normal fears but excessive ones which end up causing us harm.

Really it's all the same spiritual malady which makes our lives unmanageable. Personally I found that reading and understanding what codependency was very helpful. I couldn't solve the problem until I knew the exact nature of it but I didn't find that I needed to go to Al-anon or Codependency meetings.

Good luck with your review of the steps again. We are all working all the steps every day anyway - it never hurts to be more thorough and you are sober

Freedom1990

We can't give away what we don't have, my dear.

In order for me to have a healthy life in AA, I have also had to apply the principles of Alanon.

I have been where you are at more than once.

Listen to your sponsor.

You obviously picked her to be your sponsor for a reason.

I can't tell you how many times I hung up on my sponsor, but he has never ever led me wrong in the 23 years I've known him.

:ghug3

CarolD

LL.....
I remember the list of service committments you
shared with us on an earlier thread.... 5 or 6?

Are you still so involved with that many?

Brucel

In early recovery, 1-2 years, I was all tied up in service and it was working, hence the 1-2 years. When I hit 25 months I started getting resentments against some of the people in my Home group cause I thought I was doing all the Service and they were resting on their laurels. My sponsor pointed out to me that I was still sober!! and some of the people I was resentful at were struggling. I decided to find a men's group and I found the Mens Answer Group in Oakland. it was the best addition I could have made for my sobriety. I still went to my home group, but the "people had miraculously changed". I just know that by broadening my horizons I was rewarded in spades. I still do H&I at the state prison here, but I only do two committments and there are a lot of other sober alcoholics that need somthing to do. Hope you find the answer you're looking for.

lizw

My best days/most enjoyable days always happen when I visit step 1 in my morning time with my HP, if it makes you feel any better.