cloud8

Man sometimes I dont like working steps..lol Im just curious am I the only one in the wrold that has a tendency when having a problem with someone, Takes it to another rather then the person I have the problem with, because of fear. IE talking about others behind there backs trying to justify my own actions. Even when im right, It is wrong to do so. And thats the defect I need to let go of today, Forgive myself for, and trust that god will do for me what i cant seem to do for myself, Now I will pounder the amends I need to make as a result of my behavior do some more writing and be greatful I have step 10 to show me a way out before these defects build up to a point that i choose to drink over them rather then deal with them and let it go..I have alot to learn about living sober,,Not drinking is the easy part,,Learning to have good relations with self, others and my hp, is the quest..thanks for listening,,

stugotz

Patience, Love, and tolerance will earn you more than you think.

intention

Hi Cloud,

Yes I would do that all the time. It was my ego's way of feeling superior or better than the other person. And if I was resentful at the other person and I talked about them behind their back to a third person and the third person took my side, I felt absolutely great!! Well for a moment or two. Like the alcohol, the instant gratification does not last long.

I've learned not to do this now. If I really get the urge to talk about someone I do it with someone I can trust, like a sponsor, in the context of working the program through it.

Gossiping about other people is something I really have been very sick with and only learned the extent of in recovery. I find these days that I avoid being round certain people where the only conversation is gossiping. It may be ok for them, but it is not good for me. Occassionally, I find myself getting dragged back into conversations which I know I should not be involved in. Keeping quiet in these situations is something I am learning.

The extent of my gossiping - which is my ego's need to feel superior and laugh at other people's misfortunes - was widespread. I was always reading tabloids, magazines, watching gossipy TV shows. I avoid all these now. Spiritually I feel much better for it............even though old habits die hard and I find myself taking sneaky looks at the mags in the supermarkets to see what I am missing out on.

It's good to hear you can recognise this behaviour and work your program. The more you learn about why you behave like this, the less you will need to act like it - and the less amends you will have to make. Well done

SugarScars

You are definitely NOT the only one in the world with this defect. All of my female co-workers have a tendency to do this, it annoys the crap out of me because I'm a direct communicator and passive-aggressive communication styles confuse and scare me. I wish that my co-workers would try to better themselves like you're doing. Man, if only EVERYONE worked a program!

DayTrader

I find a lot of defects are hard to let go of. Partly because my faith and trust in my God needs to improve and partly because they're just so darn habitual. That's precisely what I'm talking about when I say steps 6 and 7 can be so challenging.

That you recognize your defects or at least are on the lookout for them is a good sign though. It shows you're taking an active role in your recovery and that you're WORKING to be a better person. That's a whole lot better than most of us did while in our addiction....which was usually to just THINK about being a better person.

Ananda

I am just now going through something similar..not exactly the same....

my friend has been sick and in the hopsital, and in the course of all this it came up for me that I think she has early onset demintia or alstimers (sorry can't spell)

Instead of addressing this concern with her, I have conversed about it with 2 other friends of ours.....

reading this thread allowed me to see that this is not the proper thing to do...She isn't like a kid or totally out of it...just some signs...and SHE is who i need to talk to about this...Just in case she is unaware of what is going on.

sigh..now i willl have to rectify this in a non-harming to her way.

Thanks for posting this at this time.

cloud8

Thanks for the replys,,Funny when you say looks like your working your program, and im thinking its just the oppisite cause im acting out on defects ive spotted earleier in my step work but have allowed to restart,,But that is one positive in all this at least im using step 10 to continue to see that witch i have forgotten,,

For the situation at hand Im chalking it up to a learning experience, as it is work related and being a manager has put me in a position were althogh i made a mistake it has been corrected at the level nessesary, Expresing my feelings to another at this point would only serve to inflame the situation i think, Yet im left with the fact the i nolonger trust the individual, And must at the same time remain professional, What a challenge, The results are in gods hands,,the action is to move on and try not to repeat,,and next time in any interaction with another human being, speak to them direct. unless it would hurt them. and dont express how i feel only to make myself feel better, Sometimes I just cant fix something,,sometimes i just need to let it go..But thats a codependent issue,,omg they just keep commin..lol.lol.

cloud8

so true,,,for both

kurtrambis

But has it made you want to drink?
If not I don't see what the problem is?
Nobody is perfect.

One of the reasons I developed into an alcoholic I was trying to be a perfect person it turned me into unemotional repressed robot.

If you look at your avatar you getting frustrated yourself with trying to be a perfect person

Isn't it better to look specifically at character defects that were part of what made you drink?

The problem is if you are holding onto a resentment or does telling the another person free you of the resentment. If it does and your not harming others then IMO go for it.

DayTrader

Trying to be perfect and trying to improve your life are different but can be confused easily. We all have different standards of what's acceptable and what's not.

Drinking was the outside manifestation of an internal problem. AA talks about alcoholism being a 3-part disease: spiritual, mental and physical.

Selfishness, self-centeredness, lack of power, irritability, restlessness, dis-contentedness, terror (fear), bewilderment, frustration, despair, etc..... all these things contribute to our lack of spiritual and mental sobriety. To me, "recovery" means being willing to look at EVERYTHING and being willing to change everything in my life as part of my striving for perfection. Of course, I'll never reach it {progress, not perfection - right?} but I need to be STRIVING for it in my life. Trying to be the best person we can be is part of showing our appreciation to God for the lives we've got. There's no better way to say, "Thanks!"

Because you're looking at all these areas of your life, Cloud.... that's working the program. THAT you're trying to change them, that you're asking your God for help, that you're trying to practice compassion and understanding in spite of failing from time to time..... that's working the program.

Keep up the good work Cloud. You're on the right track. It's simple, just not easy...... and not much lasting good ever does come easily.

DayTrader

........ps


check the Daily Reflections reading for today - talk about being "on point" with your post!!!!! :

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...flections.html