StevenD

I am soooo grateful to be on Day 9. Last night I actually slept for 10 hours! I can't believe what a difference that sleep made in my mental state. This morning I feel such a drastic reduction in the amount of anxiety I've been experiencing in the last 9 days. I still have some but it's actually manageable and my feelings of hope and gratitude are stronger than the feeling of impending doom.

I am still sweating very heavily overnight and dreaming about drinking. I wake up in a panic with fear that I actually drank. Then I realize it was a dream and I'm so happy that I didn't. I look at those dreams as helpful to showing me exactly how I'd feel if I went back out and drank again. Full of shame, guilt, remorse and fear. I have enough of those feelings from the last 25 years of drinking that I've done. I definitely don't need to create more situations that will cause more of the same.

Today, I choose not to drink. Today I choose to do it differently. Short term pain for long term gain as opposed to if I drank which would give me very short term gain for LONG term pain. I'm 42 years old. I have drank, snorted and smoked everything possible and nothing worked. I am entering the second half of my life alcohol and substance free. I want to be the best man I can be.

One day at a time, I actually feel like I'm accomplishing that goal. It is the most amazing feeling ever. Self empowerment.....I never thought I could do it. As a chronic relapser, I wasn't even sure I was capable of wanting to. Today, the want is there!! Not just a need, a sincere desire to never drink again. I am humbled by this huge change in my thinking. NO mattter how hard I tried before, I couldn't make this way of thinking happen. Finally, it has arrived.

Don't want to sound like I feel I've got this thing licked....I know it will take daily work and maintenance on my part for the rest of my life. Just wanted to share my thoughts this morning and thank everyone for their support. It really really helps!

Have a great weekend everybody and let's not drink today. I KNOW if we don't, things will get better!

ANGELINA243

Keep doing what you are doing. Keep moving forward in recovery. Thanks for the uplifting post. We do recover.

Soph

Steven that is fantastic. I totally agree. Hitting your 40's can sometimes make you snap into awareness that certain things...just...aren't...working! It did for me too.

My son is about to enter 9th grade. I want to be at his graduation and have 4 years sobriety under my belt. I want to do everything sober this time...so far so good!

Sleeping gets better doesn't it! Just one of the zillion advantages.

Keep up the positivity one day at a time buddy.

Hugs,

Soph

Anna

I'm so glad you're doing well and seeing positive results!

Taking5

Feels great doesn't it? Just keep it going one day at a time.

Drinking/Using dreams are very common. I used to even have faux hangovers, complete with nausea and headaches, until I realized I had nothing to drink the night before. It is just my brain playing tricks on my body. I don't have those anymore but I still have the occasional drinking dream.

NewMe11109

Hi Steven - You are doing great.

Are you working on some sort of program of recovery? As we get more time without drinking, the cunning alcohol will start to tell us that "we weren't that bad" and that "maybe you weren't an alcoholic". In order to counteract those voices, we need a strong support structure -- and for me, this was my program of recovery (AA + SR + working with other alcoholics).

vegibean

Well HELLO fellow Floridian!!! Steve, how awesome that you're feeling great about your 9 days, very awesome!! I had a lot of the same experiences with dreams as you described and I think it's great the way you're taking a look at them.

I like that word empowerment, it feels good, doesn't it?

Good luck man!!! Keep up the kick @ss work!!

Ghostly

Nice job Steven. We are proud of you. I'm glad you are seeing positive changes. Keep us updated on your progress.

Kmber2010

Well said SD!!! Thanks for sharing and I felt I could've written your post myself.

You so hit the nail on the head

Have a great sober day friend!

ElegantlyWasted

Welcome and congratulations on 9 days. I'm now at 11 months and And at 38 I'm about your age and had a similar use pattern. You're doing great. If you haven't yet, read up a little on PAWS. For me it was real, but it also seems to bring out a little hypocondriasis in some. A three or for good cardio session per week went along way to helping me balance. My moods and general edginess mostly cleared up by the end of month three. I noticed my thinking slipping at time into the mindset of (I don't have a problem) at times due to the edgieness and prior use pattern. Made it through though. Just a heads up on what I went through... I can vividly remember being near day nine.

ozgoddess

Hey Steven

It is a fabulous feeling isn't it? And it only gets better and better.

Like you, getting good sleep was the turning point.

Keep up the good work.