myallst

Hi, my fiance left. He had being saying for a long time he wasnt going to tolerate my drinking, but of course i found ways to manipulate to allow myself to continue drinking. He came home from work a week ago and i had been drinking whilst looking after his 9 mth old daughter and my son of 4yrs ( i have to another partner who also because of my drinking left),... and he left. He said he had been only been with me because of the kids and has said that he doesnt love me (that was said in an angry manner). He said that the longer he stayed the more depressed he got. Since he has walked out i have apologised profusely to him and apologise for making him feel that way. I said that i am embarressed with my behaviour and that i havent shown how important the family unit is to me. I said many other truthful and nice things to him. I have also since then started back at AA. I am going because i know i cant drink anymore because things would only get worse for me and my childrens life. I am going for me because i know this has to change and i need to get better or this will just keep happening to me. Im going because i want to know how to live fully and hapily sober. But i am also hoping that we can work through this and when he sees a change he might reconsider. Is there anyone in this group who has some hope for me and/or experience with partners leaving due to drinking and what was the outcome. At the moment i feel as if it was just getting sober was the only thing i was dealing with it would be easier. I know people are going to say just think of yourself not to worry about him and that outcome worry about you getting and staying sober. But right now i feel so desperate for any positive information advice and personal experience others have had with this problem. I feel so alone, please help.

Teresa

Kmber2010

Welcome to SR and I am glad you are deciding to get sober. You will find plenty of support and tons of info.

I do have some thoughts.

1. Yes, you can do this!!!! Sobriety is amazing and each day it gets better.
2. You need to get sober for yourself and if not then you will continue to battle the beast. I know because I did that on and off with my ex. We got divorced (thankfully) and I focused on myself and starting over. I am now in recovery. To stay sober this time.....I did it for me, by me and reached for all the help I felt I needed. I will never stop needing support and it helps me to give it!!
3. I don't know if that relationship can be salvaged. Not sure what drove you to drink while watching a 9 month old but I would say that chapter is more then likely over. That is my gut read on it.
4. Regardless, you need to give yourself plenty of time to begin working the steps of AA. Others here have far more knowledge then I do as I don't do AA and they are wonderful supporters and will help guide you.
5. There is 100% hope that you will get sober, stay sober and start your life over. To get sober you need to work on you.

Glad you are with us and looking forward to reading your journey. AA is an awesome program.

All the best!

flutter

I'm glad you're here, it sounds like your drinking has not only put you, but other innocent little lives at risk. Please see a doctor if you need help detoxing, and please get some help/support for your recovery. You mentioned AA, glad you're going back. Don't hesitate to look into other things too, like counseling.

I think that all relationships are much too complex to predict any sort of outcomes. Some people leave, some stay. Your partner may have seen this latest episode as a deal breaker of sorts, only time will tell. Take this opportunity to focus on YOU and getting yourself to a healthy place which will help in any future relationship you pursue after you've recovered for a while.

Dee74

Hi Teresa

Welcome. Good to see another Aussie here


Noone here can predict the future. I think the best thing is to do what you know you have to do anyway - tackle your drinking problem with all the energy and commitment you have.

Focus on getting well and being the person you really are again - fix yourself.

If this relationship is good one, and your mutual love is strong?
No guarantees, but I think there's every chance your partner and you can then start to work on the relationship

D

Hevyn

Teresa - I'm sorry you feel so sad and miserable right now. This stage of your life will not last, I promise. I wouldn't try too hard to figure out what's going to happen with your partner. Try to put the relationship on a back burner, and focus on your recovery. It doesn't mean you have to close the door on the past, just put it on hold for awhile until you're stronger.

Hold your head up and get well - show everyone who you are and what you're made of. I know you can beat this - I did it after 25 yrs. & I never saw myself living without alcohol. It was just a cruel lie I told myself - that I'd be lost without it. I was a pathetic mess, clinging to it and thinking it was helping me stay strong. It made me weak, boring, insecure, and toxic to everyone around me.

I know you can have a great life, and it can start as soon as you stop getting numb. Keep posting and let us know how you're progressing.