StevenD

Hi all,

Here it is Day 8.....One week ago on Day 1 I felt like I was going to die. I was calling and texting my sister begging her to bring me alcohol and/or tranquilizers. I could think of nothing else than getting more booze in me and drinking it as fast as possible. I cried, sweat, threw up, couldn't eat and contemplated suicide. It was pathetic, disgusting and selfish behavior. I didn't care about hurting myself and others. I wanted what I wanted and I didn't want anybody or anything in the way. Thankfully, I didn't get what I wanted and didn't go out to get it. I was too sick and somewhere inside I started to think that maybe I really shouldn't have it.

The next day after a horrible night of sweating and nightmares, i awoke and realized that I didn't ever want to feel this way again. I was scared, didn't trust myself and decided that I have finally had enough.

Since that time, by the grace of God, the obsession has been lifted. From that point up until now, I haven't wanted a drink. I am full of anxiety, fear and dread but I know that for me to drink is to die. Each day since then, I feel a little bit better and light has slowly begun to trickle in.

Today, I am so grateful for 8 days. And even more grateful that I don't want a drink today. I know that the craving for a drink could come over me from out of nowhere. I don't delude myself that I will never feel like that again. But the experiences of my last night drinking, including going to jail and telling some horrible things to friends and family are so painful that I am not going to give in and drink. I want my life back. I want to find Steven again. I want to treat me better. I want to be better for my friends and family. I want peace and serenity. For today, I am closer to those things than I have been in many many years.

Thanks to everyone once again for support and well wishes. This forum is right where I need to be. To everybody else who is in the early stages like me, thank you for sharing your experiences. When I know i'm not alone, it is all so much easier.

Steven

Kerbcrawler

here,here,...

Starburst

Congratulations on day 8, i am glad you found the will power to push through. Alcoholism is such a painful, soul destroying disease for both the alcoholic and the co dependant. keep strong and keep posting.

Videodrone32

Congrats buddy!!! I'm on day 5 of an opiate detox. I know how you feel. The only way to not feel this way again is to keep pushing forward.

Kmber2010

SD, you are so not alone friend. We are here for you 24/7 and I am so proud of you making it to day 8. The early days are rough but they get so much better friend.

Keep it going on focus on one day at a time!! Looking forward to reading more!!

Taking5

It just keeps getting better if you stay sober.

Liver

I'm on my latest attempt and hope the fact that I came to the decision myself -- as opposed to my wife/parents/other people -- will make a difference. I don't care if I barf. I barf anyway and blood comes up. Non-bloody barf will be an improvement.

Congrats on day 8 and I'll post similar when I get there. Not if.

artsoul

Hi Steven - you're doing great! Congrats on 8 days! It's such a relief not to have those horrible mornings anymore, isn't it? I never want to go back there - it's such a miserable place to be. Until I got sober, I didn't even think things were that bad. Keep up that great attitude of gratitude!!

artsoul

p.s. Hi Liver - WELCOME!!! Glad you're with us!

Dee74

Pleased to see you're going so well Steven

D

wichitalineman

Hey Steven,

Amazing job! 8 days is a huge accomplishment, great work!! Keep posting here on SR, I am looking forward to each and every post you make! GREAT JOB!

NEOMARXIST

Nice one on 8 days!!

Keep The Faith

Hevyn

Steven, that's great news. I remember those early days, and what a huge relief it was to be past the terrible anxiety. You're going to make it this time - no more misery.

(Hi Liver - welcome to the family)