Kjell

I'm just a bit over 150 days sober and on step 8.

When I first came into the program, my sponsor suggested I mostly listen in meetings, but to share if I needed to. I followed his advice (which I agree with) and didn't share for some time.

I now know a lot more people in our group and I'm starting to be called on from time-to-time. I like this b/c I want to start sharing more, but I'm nervous-as-hell as just the thought of having to share (our evening groups avg 50 - 80 people easily).

My last few shares have been short, probably not making much sense, and I even had to cut if off in mid-point b/c I wasn't sure what my point was

I believe it's all based out of fear (from sharing out loud, from feeling less than, etc...) and ego (I want to WOW the room, say earth shattering things, or at least i just want to make sense and be able to make a point).

In short, how do I get the courage to share and then once I share, how do I not make an idiot out of myself?

Thanks,
Kjell

Ananda

well.. i guess i need to not worry about if i make an idiot of myself

I will stop in mid share and pass if i find myself blithering....perfectly fine thing to do .... and even if called on..it's ok to say I pass..i'm just llistening tonight or whatever...

Our groups only average about 6-15 people so sharing is sorta the norm

RobbyRobot

Well, don't take what happens at an AA meeting personally. Easier said than done, i know. And it may seem at odds with your common sense but honestly knowing you are at that meeting because you're an alcoholic becoming sober will really give you an edge in sharing your ESH.

Thinking about yourself will only bring on being selfish, makes sense yes? When we put personalities before principalities we only make sharing our true ESH all the more difficult.

Try to share an ESH that contains the message of your sobriety arresting your alcoholism in any way and all ways and other members will pay attention. You'll never be thought of as an idiot for helping others out with your message.

Kjell, congrats on your 150+ days!!


Rob

intention

Prayer during meetings has been very effective for me. It's helped me get me and my ego out of the way which always wants to do the perfect share or impress everyone in the room or worry about looking or sounding stupid.

The more I have been praying during meetings the shorter and more focused on the solution, I have found my sharing to be. I have learned that it is far more effective at carrying the message like that rather than me rambling and being repetitative, trying to fill the silence in the room.

This is the prayer that I use -

Please God,
Let me hear what You need me to hear,
Let me share what You need me to share,
Using Your voice.

Well done on getting to Step 8. Let us know how you get on.

Boleo

Just simply share;

What it was like
What happened (that changed you)
What it is like now

Mark75

I was brought up Quaker (now catholic). In their meetings for worship, if one is "moved to speak", if one has felt the spirit move them in a particular meeting for worship, one might share it. I use that kind of thinking as my guide in AA. In fact I see many similarities in an open discussion AA meeting and the Friends Meeting for Worship, there are important differences, of course.

If I feel something inside me, move me, in response to someone's own ESH that is shared, and it resonates with my own ESH, I raise my hand. Sometimes I am not always happy with my share, but if it came from the heart, or the spirit, I'm not shamed or embarrassed.

I also very much appreciate moments of silence in a meeting (like the Friends), sometimes the spirit is present most strongly in what is not said .

Like Robby said, share your own special and unique ESH, it is important and may be just exactly what someone needs to hear... it is, ultimately not up to us to judge ourselves or others, it's His.

intention

Hi Mark,

Thanks for sharing about the Quaker meetings, I didn't know that.

Yesterday was a full room but a very quiet meeting. After every share there was a long silence before anyone shared. I usually share but wasn't moved to share yesterday and with each silence, I thought I should say something but stopped myself because I knew it would be coming from my ego rather than God........and just let the silence happen. Right at the end of the meeting a long silence was broken by someone who had just got back from a relapse.

I am so glad I had kept quiet during the silence, otherwise they would not have spoken. I had been worried about them for the last week, wondering what had happened, knowing that they had been avoiding all eye contact and conversation. Sometimes the silence is just right - that's what I learned yesterday.

AlwaysGrowing

Funny but true! I share what I know and have felt. Maybe my shirt is blue, well I'll say my shirt is blue.. Much easier to talk about what I have/is felt/feeling.

It maybe someone is dealing with their first week. I know I was a basket case my first week so I'll say so... Makes them more at ease as they know others have been there and I'm not trying to make a point that I might get lost along the way in doing so! LOL

AG

DayTrader

Hehe, by sharing at meetings and making an idiot out of yourself! Well, not really.... you'll probably be the only one who thinks of yourself as an idiot. Anyone with some time in will INSTANTLY remember the first dozen or couple dozen times they shared and what an intimidating thing it may have been. It's also a great way to make friends in the fellowship. And man...."AA Friends" are the best!


I was taught early on that IF you're sharing for more than 5 minutes, it's because you're trying to impress someone and thus, you're not sharing from the heart.

Just keep doing it and ask God to direct your thoughts and your words...that way you'll be more likely to share what you or others need to hear and less of what you want to say or think others want to hear.

DayTrader

I forgot......

CONGRATS ON 5 MONTHS!!

BP44

If your share is based on experience, you'll never go wrong. And since you are at Step 8, you have a ton of experience. I have never been 100% comfortable with anything I do in AA, sharing included. But it's definitely not like it was early on. And I still have times when I feel like what I shared din't come out quite the way I was hoping it would. And from time to time, yes, I have to ask someone....did I make any sense? You have grown a lot inour group, and I'm looking forward to hearing you share. One other thing..as you've probably noticed by now, we have one member that seems to have to share at every single meeting. I'm always a little perplexed about someone who has to do that. It's almost as if they need to hear themselves talk. Keep doing the deal.

Barry

meditation

For the longest time I did not share for the fear that people would judge me. I don't care anymore. If they are in an AA meeting they can't claim they are pure, sound of mind, or in any way more superior than anyone else in that room so who cares. Now that doesn't mean I share things I would not want publicized cause private things are still private and shared with sponsors or a trusted network or person. Just because there are traditions about anonymity doesn't mean that everyone in the room follows the traditions. I share when I feel moved to share now and I don't worry if it's viewed wrong, improper or whatever, it's heartfelt and I've had people tell me after about things I've shared good and bad. I've moved into a mindset now that I just don't have the energy or care to worry about what people think cause I've got no control over it anyway. Do what the spirit moves you do to in meetings as far as shares go.

Brucel

What a cool post. It's the fact that you can be quite humble that I personally would love to hear your share. My sponsor told me to ask myself three questions prior to sharing. Is what I'm about to share the truth, is it necessary, and will it hurt anyone? That has helped me in the past, but I get lost in my head all the time and word vomit. Thanks for you honesty though and try to think more in terms of the message rather than the mess. God Bless

Norther

If I have something to say, I say it. When I run out of stuff to say, I stop and say "Thanks." If I stop in mid-air, I don't mind. I'm not there to impress anybody with my oratorical skills. I learn by talking, and that I why I do it. I assume someone else might benefit if I am honest, but that isn't why I'm talking.

I notice too that the only time I don't seem to benefit from hearing another member speak is when they keep talking after they have run out of stuff to say. So, stopping "awkwardly" might just be a preferable way to go.

I love hearing people who seem new to talking. I love hearing newcomers speak. Sometimes their sharing rings more true, speaks more to my heart and needs, than the predictable "elegance" sometimes characteristic of the practiced AA sharer. Perhaps I am sicker than I know, but that's how it works for me.

yeahgr8

I was told to share from the very start, in fact i ended up sharing because i had a lady come up to me and ask when the hell are you going to share we want to hear whats going on with you! Which was cool actualkly cos i thought no-one would be remotely interested in what i had to say lol

When i share i just say what comes to mind, keep it focussed on the topic at hand and thats it really...if there arre new people in the room i try and get in the steps and spiritual awakening somehwere along the line...in big meetings like you decribed just go with your heart and open your mouth...

Yeah i was nervous and i was worried about being taken seriously and making an impression but all that goes the more you share...totally normal to go through IMO!

You should be worried if you dont care about what you are saying at this stage, like i dont give a **** about anyone else i say what i want, that to me would be an EGO thing!

Oh yeah and always be honest!!!!

Kjell

Thanks for all the great and helpful replies. I'm going to a 9am tomorrow and "if the spirit moves me", I might just share again.

Viva recovery! Viva AA! Viva SR!

tomvlll

"Sobriety, freedom from alcohol through the teaching
and practicing of the 12 Steps, is the sole purpose
of an AA group."


I think that's a good guide for sharing.


I'm sure you would all be enthralled by my brilliant insights on alcoholism
and life in general. I'll share those here, or on the phone, but in AA meetings I try to "go by the the book."

What it was like.

What happened ( SOME APPLICATION OF THE PROGRAM OF RECOVERY IN THE BIG BOOK)

What it's like now .

Music

Speak from experience. Don't try to make things up so you sound good. Stick to the topic. If you have no experience pertaining to the topic, pass. Express rather than impress. That's what I was told.

navysteve

I have a few simple sharing rules:

If I have experience I can share. Never ever speak for effect, we share from experience only.

If while you are speaking I am thinking about what I will say- then I stay silent.

My sharing in a meeting should ALWAYS be about recovery from alcoholism.