linjacjen

I can't take credit for this poem, I found it on a web site looking for step 1 worksheets......it really touched me, so I thought I would share it:

There is a monster who lives in my head, He talks to me softly he wants me dead.
He tells me this time I'll stay in control. He tells me not to let anyone know.
He convinces me that no one cares, He whispers the pain is to much to bear.
He tells me how wonderful I will feel. He tells me he loves me and it is real.
He tells me not to call anyone, My heart starts racing, he tells me it will be fun.
He tells me not to think of past times, He promises I can do it just once this time
Who is this monster who calls me by name, RELAPSE, he waiting to start the game.

Dream2bClean

Ok now I know I am in a bad place b/c that poem just gave me to go drink and that I could hide it....
Oh man I hadnt considered that before, if I said I wasnt drinking and did I just told my husband too bad, but actually hiding it I hadnt considered...
Its a great poem and I know in the fuiture it wil help me but right now my disease is twisting the words and tempting me. Like when I watch reruns of intervention all day, or did while drining/using, I know I dont love the show i just got off on watching others using...
<3 Dream

linjacjen

Of course you head is twisting things to tell you what you want to hear. You have a brain disease! I pray you don't drink tonight. Trust me, I have never relapsed and then the next day said, wow, I am so glad I did that!

AtlasMcGee

Sooooo true!!

Dee74

Don't even think about starting down that hiding road Dream...been there, bought the T shirt...it's all the depair you usually get, plus a buttload of guilt and shame

D

Dream2bClean

I didnt drink, mainly thanks to a conversation w/ my husband, which I posted under the post about wanting to drink.

I still dont think I would have drank even w/out that conversation, but it sure did help...

Feeling tired (since I FORCED myself not to nap earlier) although i was exhausted from the park earlier and not sleeping but a few hours last night) so I am off to bed soon within the next 30 minutes.

I am tired, I know I will sleep and have a wonderful day tomorrow, I feel great right now, hope I feel this way tomorrow.

Luckily you cant buy beer in the Sate i live in on Sundays, but of course I have a "friend" at the store up the street who sells it to me every sunday, although I hate doing it b/c everytime I do i jeopardize getting myself and this guy arrested, and him losing his job and me losing (as of tomorrow) having a full week of no alcohol, thats the longest since I had my daughter and I plan in continuing this way of life, NO I dont plan to....I AM going to continue this way of life b/c I love having a life!!!

I know its still not going to be east and who knows what tomorrow bring but 1 day, second, minute, millisecond at a time.....whatever it takes I am doing this.

<3 Dream