Have Just One...
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Have Just One...
I am so happy to be back in my home state! Things seem to be falling into place very nicely, and I certainly can't complain. So.....
I am going to a wedding this weekend. One of my closest friends is the bride and I am going to see so many people I haven't seen for a few years and it's going to be great!
The groom, just a fantastic guy and I couldn't be happier for her, already commented to me..."get ready for tequila shots!"
Ok. I am just in a different place in life now, obviously. I can't say that I don't enjoy the occassional drink still, but having that even said to me now, and I don't know how many times I have said lately that I don't drink that much anymore on a public forum, makes me feel like there's already the "pressure". Like I am already psyching myself up for an uncomfortable moment of having to say, more than once, "No thank you." and then finally a big whopping "No! I'm not getting drunk!"
Here we go with the classic thinking about situations before they happen
My friends are great, and not alcoholics by any stretch of the imagination, and I realize this is such a great event to celebrate their committment to each other. I just have to say, and I think I just feel the need to be able to get it out here, I just really wish that so many didn't make drinking the center of attention at a gathering. I would just like to be able to say no thanks, i'm not really drinking, once and not have to have people go oh, but come on...just one!
I am going to a wedding this weekend. One of my closest friends is the bride and I am going to see so many people I haven't seen for a few years and it's going to be great!
The groom, just a fantastic guy and I couldn't be happier for her, already commented to me..."get ready for tequila shots!"
Ok. I am just in a different place in life now, obviously. I can't say that I don't enjoy the occassional drink still, but having that even said to me now, and I don't know how many times I have said lately that I don't drink that much anymore on a public forum, makes me feel like there's already the "pressure". Like I am already psyching myself up for an uncomfortable moment of having to say, more than once, "No thank you." and then finally a big whopping "No! I'm not getting drunk!"
Here we go with the classic thinking about situations before they happen
My friends are great, and not alcoholics by any stretch of the imagination, and I realize this is such a great event to celebrate their committment to each other. I just have to say, and I think I just feel the need to be able to get it out here, I just really wish that so many didn't make drinking the center of attention at a gathering. I would just like to be able to say no thanks, i'm not really drinking, once and not have to have people go oh, but come on...just one!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 129
I guess we all have to remember that drinking is a huge part of our culture. I know in my home state (Wisconsin), the bar life is the center of many. I know this for a fact, my late AF owned one for the first 25 years of my life. I also used to live that "life" too, but it got to the point where it was the same old stuff and when I closed the doors a few years after he died, it was one of the happiest days of my life. I still enjoy a drink now and then, but it has never been a problem for me, it just took my Dad's life at 46 and my 43 year old sister was heading down the same path as well (she has been sober for about 6 months now)
Since going through all the intensifed situations with my AS the past few years, I really don't want to drink. I've bowled for years and switched to a Thursday night league this year after bowling Sunday mornings for years. I always drank coffee and never did like drinking while bowling, I take it seriously. Well, my buddies, who still live the bar life (we are all in our mid 40's) kept giving me grief because I didn't drink when bowling. They just couldn't take the fact that I didn't want one, didn't need one, and there would always be a smart ass comment once in a while. In some ways, even though I know they are not alcoholics (heavy drinkers, perhaps) I think they feel insecure in some ways???
Last night, after my golf league (same bunch of friends I bowl with, about 20 of us in all), I had one beer after our 9 holes then headed home. Of course, a few comments from the peanut gallery. You know, it doesn't even bother me, I just attribute it to our culture, especially here in Wisconsin. The old peer pressure, I believe, is just a mask for insecurity, I don't know what causes it, but it will never go away.
At the wedding you are going to, just say no thanks. Yes, you're going to hear comments, it is inevidable. Sometimes, if that doesn't work, just say your stomach is upset, that seems to keep the lions at bay I've found. It just isn't worth the aggrevation sometimes.
Since going through all the intensifed situations with my AS the past few years, I really don't want to drink. I've bowled for years and switched to a Thursday night league this year after bowling Sunday mornings for years. I always drank coffee and never did like drinking while bowling, I take it seriously. Well, my buddies, who still live the bar life (we are all in our mid 40's) kept giving me grief because I didn't drink when bowling. They just couldn't take the fact that I didn't want one, didn't need one, and there would always be a smart ass comment once in a while. In some ways, even though I know they are not alcoholics (heavy drinkers, perhaps) I think they feel insecure in some ways???
Last night, after my golf league (same bunch of friends I bowl with, about 20 of us in all), I had one beer after our 9 holes then headed home. Of course, a few comments from the peanut gallery. You know, it doesn't even bother me, I just attribute it to our culture, especially here in Wisconsin. The old peer pressure, I believe, is just a mask for insecurity, I don't know what causes it, but it will never go away.
At the wedding you are going to, just say no thanks. Yes, you're going to hear comments, it is inevidable. Sometimes, if that doesn't work, just say your stomach is upset, that seems to keep the lions at bay I've found. It just isn't worth the aggrevation sometimes.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I hope you have a wonderful time at the wedding and connecting with old friends. Sounds like fun!
Let me see if I can help you with the social drinking at the wedding. These are some things I have used as a recovering alcoholic and some were passed on to me for social situations. They should help you get through drink offers without having to preach a sermon on why you don't want to over indulge on this particular evening.
Remember that most of the people actively drinking are more focused on themselves than you! They may ask if you want a drink as they are going to the bar, but they are more interested in obtaining their own beverage. They are just being curteous and not looking for long explanations. Try these tips:
1. Keep a non-alcoholic beverage in your hand at all times (or at your table) and simply say: "No thank you, I have a drink"
2. "No I am not drinking tonight, I am taking a prescription that doesn't mix with alcohol."
3. "No thank you. I have an early appointment in the morning"
4. "No thank you. I am the designated driver tonight"
5. "No thank you." No is a complete answer.
Have a terrific time! You will be okay!
Let me see if I can help you with the social drinking at the wedding. These are some things I have used as a recovering alcoholic and some were passed on to me for social situations. They should help you get through drink offers without having to preach a sermon on why you don't want to over indulge on this particular evening.
Remember that most of the people actively drinking are more focused on themselves than you! They may ask if you want a drink as they are going to the bar, but they are more interested in obtaining their own beverage. They are just being curteous and not looking for long explanations. Try these tips:
1. Keep a non-alcoholic beverage in your hand at all times (or at your table) and simply say: "No thank you, I have a drink"
2. "No I am not drinking tonight, I am taking a prescription that doesn't mix with alcohol."
3. "No thank you. I have an early appointment in the morning"
4. "No thank you. I am the designated driver tonight"
5. "No thank you." No is a complete answer.
Have a terrific time! You will be okay!
Persevere, Never give up!
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Stellenbosch, South Africa
Posts: 882
Yes have fun, you dont have to drink at all, take an appletizer pour it into a champagne glass, no one is the wiser. Takes me back to my wedding, my H who was a RA then, we had a total NO ALCOHOL wedding, people were so rude, we had practically said our I Do's and some speaches, pudding hadnt been served, everybody left! I was not happy. Cant even be poite and dance, no alcohol, no fun! But I applaud you, be strong! Life is NOT about drinking!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
I would just do what YOU want to do. You don't want a shot, don't take one. You decide at the last minute you think it would be fun, go for it! But I wouldn't project what that scenario is going to be like because you don't know. Chances are people will be floating around with their individual drinks not paying attention at all to what you're drinking.
My DS32 is in a serious relationship with a non-drinker (I think we can safety call her a teetotaler). She's a devout Christian, but very fun-loving, a stage actress, in an environment where substance use and abuse is very very common.
I'm amazed she's able to coexist within our family because since my AH relapsed it has become a drinking culture. Hanging out at bars, drinking at the golf course, driving Dad home polluted is taken for granted, funny drunken sing-songs are part of every party.
She simply doesn't drink, but she smiles, has fun, in no way does she stand out. I typically have one or two glasses of wine in a family event. She'll order a wine, but she doesn't drink it. She nurses it and drinks her water. I think she doesn't want us to feel she's judging us. Frankly, I wish she wouldn't order the wine if she's not going to drink it--at $10 a glass!
Point being, we have come to see that that's who she is, and we totally respect her commitment (at least I do. AH often says he "doesn't trust people who don't drink" but he seems to really like her).
Long story short. Just have fun and don't succumb to peer pressure. You're an adult, after all.
My DS32 is in a serious relationship with a non-drinker (I think we can safety call her a teetotaler). She's a devout Christian, but very fun-loving, a stage actress, in an environment where substance use and abuse is very very common.
I'm amazed she's able to coexist within our family because since my AH relapsed it has become a drinking culture. Hanging out at bars, drinking at the golf course, driving Dad home polluted is taken for granted, funny drunken sing-songs are part of every party.
She simply doesn't drink, but she smiles, has fun, in no way does she stand out. I typically have one or two glasses of wine in a family event. She'll order a wine, but she doesn't drink it. She nurses it and drinks her water. I think she doesn't want us to feel she's judging us. Frankly, I wish she wouldn't order the wine if she's not going to drink it--at $10 a glass!
Point being, we have come to see that that's who she is, and we totally respect her commitment (at least I do. AH often says he "doesn't trust people who don't drink" but he seems to really like her).
Long story short. Just have fun and don't succumb to peer pressure. You're an adult, after all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Hi, Kitty. Have a wonderful time at the wedding!
I've found that while there may be alcohol included in the celebration, at such happy occasions, for the most part it is the celebration that people are really enjoying. I tend to naturally steer away from those who appear to be tipping back a few more than I'm comfortable seeing. When asked if I want 'another' a big smile and a 'No, thank you. I'm fine." or "Sure, I could really use a glass of water/cup of coffee." works well.
I've found that while there may be alcohol included in the celebration, at such happy occasions, for the most part it is the celebration that people are really enjoying. I tend to naturally steer away from those who appear to be tipping back a few more than I'm comfortable seeing. When asked if I want 'another' a big smile and a 'No, thank you. I'm fine." or "Sure, I could really use a glass of water/cup of coffee." works well.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Dreamstones - I think the bar life is a center of many in MANY states. I used to hang out quite a bit in that industry as well. Dating a couple of bar owners, my former best friend was a bartender, and had many a night out myself. But I too, found that life offers nothing more than the same thing over and over and leads down a road to nowhere. I just have no desire to be a "bar fly" at ALL.
Pelican.... I LOVE the idea about having a drink in your hands at all times. Hellooo, so simple!
I can't say that I don't want to share in a glass of champagne for the toast, but as far as the craziness of doing the shots, and all the hooplah that goes along with that, I just can't say I care to partake.
And alcohol is a depressant, especially for me!! I have always found it interesting that people use it to numb their feelings. For me, it magnifies them x100.... I really don't want to end up next to the cake crying fondly looking at the bride and groom cake topper , which is what would happen! :rotfxko I'm just not quite in an emotional place yet where drinking would have any positive effects.
I used to hang out quite a bit in that industry as well. Dating a couple of bar owners, my former best friend was a bartender, and had many a night out myself. But I too, found that life offers nothing more than the same thing over and over and leads down a road to nowhere. I just have no desire to be a "bar fly" at ALL.Pelican.... I LOVE the idea about having a drink in your hands at all times. Hellooo, so simple!
I can't say that I don't want to share in a glass of champagne for the toast, but as far as the craziness of doing the shots, and all the hooplah that goes along with that, I just can't say I care to partake.
And alcohol is a depressant, especially for me!! I have always found it interesting that people use it to numb their feelings. For me, it magnifies them x100.... I really don't want to end up next to the cake crying fondly looking at the bride and groom cake topper , which is what would happen! :rotfxko I'm just not quite in an emotional place yet where drinking would have any positive effects.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
I used to drink along with late xah and friends, whether I wanted to or not.
A few years ago I decided I was old enough at 60 to decide for myself.
Now if I want a beer, a whisky or a wine I have one or more, IF I WANT it.
If I don't want any alcohol then I say NO thank you.
No further discussion on this subject will take place, as if someone tries the "aw, come on, have a real drink" scenario....they soon find out that pushing my don't give a damn button was not a good idea.
Use whatever idea you want, just enjoy your friend's big day....knowing YOU WILL remember it.
God bless
A few years ago I decided I was old enough at 60 to decide for myself.
Now if I want a beer, a whisky or a wine I have one or more, IF I WANT it.
If I don't want any alcohol then I say NO thank you.
No further discussion on this subject will take place, as if someone tries the "aw, come on, have a real drink" scenario....they soon find out that pushing my don't give a damn button was not a good idea.
Use whatever idea you want, just enjoy your friend's big day....knowing YOU WILL remember it.
God bless
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