lulu1974

have anyone been so broken it was hard to go to work and take care of the usual stuff? I am having a hard time with this. Just wanted to hear feedback so I can get my tail into gear..

nodaybut2day

I've had this happen to me a few times before, but not when leaving STBXAH...with him, I was afraid for my life so I guess I just ran on adrenaline.

With the end of previous relationships, I did feel that "hole in my soul" kind of depression that just kept me in bed, sobbing. I had to consult a therapist because I couldn't get out of the funk. I ended up having to follow a short list of BASIC TLC, as in "Get up. Go pee. Drink Water. Eat cereal. Wash face. Brush hair. Get dressed". I also had a good friend or my mother call me every morning to check in. little by little, I started not to rely on those tools so much.

It took some time though, but I did get out of it.

tpen

Two months ago I was only 30% productive at work. I was really struggling. I've seen coworkers go through divorce and the same thing happens. Our emotions can simply exhaust us. It's important to be physically active so do try that. It's hard to do it - working out, but when you are done it works 99% of the time in making you feel better.

Stay strong.....and healthy.

Jadmack25

Oh yes. After ABF caused a situation, I spiralled into do nothing, be nothing mode. Went up to a week without showering, spent most of the time on bed crying or doing re-run of the events that led to me being like that. Only benefit was I lost a lot of weight, but I guess eating a bit here and there, and no real meals for months, does trim the body.

Comment from ABF when he sobered up, was that I wasn't fun anymore, had lost my sense of humour along with the weight, and I looked awful and haggard, and this upset him...so he was going to suggest we have a break for a while.

I actually haven't seen or spoken to him since earlier this morning, when he made a very cutting remark and I told him he was out of line. Spent my day doing my work in unit and garden, online and here at SR. Church Prayer meeting tonight and saw his lights were out, so whether in bed early or in a pub (he's been sober since Nov last year) I don't know, and I really do not care much.

I must have learned detachment better than I thought I did, as less than a year ago, I was crying and holed up worrying about what he may be up to, and now that seems like too much effort.

Detachment is like that shampoo ad, where they say, "it won't happen overnight, but it will happen", as long as you keep on using it.

God bless

Serenebynow

Yes, Lu Lu, you can climb out of the pit. I've been in it and out if it. My first bout with it was when I had to file bankruptcy, belive it or not, I was scared, couldn't eat sleep, and work was the only time I seemed ok. I had set myself up in guilt and fear. I recovered. You will too!
Do you attend any f2f meetings? If not, you might give us a try. It's sometimes all I can do, meeting, phone a friend, help others, get out of self.
Today I'm feeling all over the place. I'm going to go to a noon meeting which, is a small thing to do, but it helps.
You are a beautiful person and you help me just because you are here, sharing so much of yourself with us!

RollerDerbyGirl

Oh yesss....absolutely. I can identify. That has been my life these past two weeks. My friends and the mantra of "one day at a time" are what have saved me. Even if you have to just focus on one hour at a time, that's the way to go. I have to force myself to not look back, and not look at tomorrow. Like my therapist said, looking in the past will make you sad and looking into the crystal ball of the future will cause you anxiety. I write here a lot. I write some emails to a couple of trusted friends. And when I feel like it, I cry. I stay busy and do social stuff even when I don't feel like it. I'm not the best participant like usual, but at least I'm not at home feeling sorry for myself. I have failed on the working out front though. I was in a fairly good routine and that has kind of dropped off. I plan to get back to it now that school it out, hopefully. I also read the daily meditations from "The Language of Letting Go." Oh, and music. Definitely music. I still haven't gone to an Al-Anon meeting and have put that off until after this weekend's vacation. You just have to go through the motions, bit by bit honey. Hang in there.

Summerpeach

Lu, you know my story right, well I had to work a new job through all of that. I went into "numb" mode for months.
I would drive to work and wonder "How am I going to make it" And minute by minute, I made it. My life was overwhelming at the time and I was suffering a terrible illness as well, but I did it, and Lu, you will do it.
Woman are so very strong, you are so very strong.
Once you walk through this, you will look back and realize strength you never knew you had.

((((((((((((((( SUPER HUG))))))))

wanting

Definitely, Lulu. I have my own business too, so it was really bad. I almost had to declare bankruptcy because I couldn't function enough to run it for 2 or 3 months.

And actually, anytime I allow him back into my life and have any contact with him, it starts all over again.

wanting

And actually, I didn't really eat for 3 months either. I lost 30 pounds. The Divorce Diet. I want to write a book. All you need is cigarettes, coffee, and pain.

lulu1974

I talked to my therapist via phone and we agreed to do 2 sessions a week for a while and she really helped me. I realize my inner child has a lot to do with this. I went through a lot as a child and this separation and alcoholism has triggered a lot of it.

Freedom1990

The worst I ever went through that was when the ex-fiance walked out on me, and I finally hit my codependent bottom.

I was darned near non-functional for several days, and even then, it took everything I had just to do little things around the house, let alone look for a job.

It takes time. Thank God for my support group (AA), a good therapist, and loving friends in recovery.

theuncertainty

Hey. I've definitely been there, many times unfortunately. Was there again yesterday. I was so freaked out about my AH and the visitation cr** that when my boss came in to ask a question about a project, she stopped and suggested that she would be OK if I re-arranged my work schedule if I could get an earlier time to see my counsellor yesterday. WOW. I am so thankful that my boss is so understanding.

Kassie2

Yes, I went through earlier much worse - just went to work and made sure I ate once a day at work so I could get through the day. Took off on the worst days so my attendance went downhill.

In time, I came out of it for days at a time. Still go there some days especially weekends. I don't worry so much about it. I get done what is important - and let go of the rest.

It does get better with time. Slips up probably occur when I get my hopes up or there is some triggered memory like a holiday or something.