Insulated

Me and a friend who is in her late 50's were chatting about my late fiance' who passed away 6 months ago of an overdose. We were chatting about his youngest son who is 8 years old and how he worshiped his father. And how my heart is stirred by his loss of his daddy. My friend said:
"he's better off without him". I didn't respond, just shut my everything off and changed the subject. Why is it that people say the most insensitve things at the most critical times? This really hurt me. My friend kept talking and said "Insulated, the man upstairs tried to get you out of a bad situation so God took him out of your life to get you out of that situation".

Such little value on one human life? The son is better off without his father? I needed late ABF to die in order to get out? WTF??

MsPINKAcres

((insulated))

I hate that your friend is unfamiliar with the disease of addiction/alcholism and doesn't understand how people are affected.

Please accept my sympathy in the loss of your loved one - not only in his death, but in the loss you suffered while he was active in his addiction.

Those people who say those things, I just chaulk it up to people who are uneducated in the subject at hand ~ and ask my HP to give me grace to handle the situation and I pray that person never has to experience a loved one with this awful disease.

HUGS to you!
Rita

suki44883

Amazing, isn't it? It's like those morons who say that God sent the earthquake to Haiti and the floods to New Orleans to punish them for their sins. Completely whacko. I'm sorry your friend was so insensitive.

Hammerhead

Insulated... so sorry you were hurt.

I was raised in a religious cult (with a similar mentality of your friend)... I left when I was old enough. Gods name is used and abused repeatedly... I believe God values all life ... he delights in loving us... He IS our Heavenly Father.... God hurts when we hurt.

For your 8 year old...

Lord, look kindly on my child,
so marvelously made,
fashioned by you from the womb.

Keep fear and trouble far away,
and any hand raised to harm
this child of mine.
And when life's storms come,
give my child rest,
as on a mother's breast.
In days to come
- which you alone know -
grant my child
eyes of faith for seeing far,
a loving heart for welcoming life,
hope that never despairs,
and a place always at your side.

O God,
I thank you for this precious gift,
and pray my child grows
wise and well.

Jesus taught that children can also teach us the way to God. "Let the little children come to me; God's kingdom belongs to such as these."

For you....

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

and for your friend...

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6

Chino

Want to feel better and make a change in your reality? Establish boundaries with your friend and inform them.

FaultyWiring

Like trying to cope with somebody with the disease and realizing that they are affected mentally, sometimes we have to deal with it in people who do not have the disease. This is in no way an excuse or validation for what your friend said, I'm merely pointing out that you may have to take the same "steps" to protect yourself.

I agree with Chino that you should establish boundaries. Maybe, if you inform them of how dire his illness was your friend will change their mind or at least apologize. I know I used to have a friend that would say those kinds of things to me, thinking that it was simply what I wanted to hear.

Hang in there and keep us posted. Stay strong!

coffeedrinker

insulated,

oh, i'm sorry you had to hear this crass and insensitive comment. some people try to come up with words that are meant to help us out of our grief, some people are trying to make sense of the universe, some are just ignorant.

i hope that the next time you talk, you can tell her how it made you feel. she will be remorseful, or she will not understand, in which case you may want to re-evaluate your friendship.

i come here, and go to meetings, because i know inside those rooms, people will understand.

peace...

aah1977

So many people just don't understand addiction. I have friends that I bet would think something similar to this in the same situation. I would hope they would have enough sensitivity to keep it to themselves though. That is why I am very guarded about what I say to some of my friends. I have a select few that "get" addiction and I reserve my conversations about it to them. The others will never offer the support I need so they aren't very in the know about this part of my life.

I'm so sorry she couldn't keep that to herself.

Done_With_It

People live in their own world with their own beliefs and they see things through their eyes.
It's just how she sees it and what she feels is best for you. She probably in her own way sees it as caring, not hurting you. If she knew what you knew, had lived through what you and him did, she'd probably see it a whole lot differently. Hopefully she will never have to.

I try and do what Rita said,

JMO

I'm sorry for your loss...

Hugs to you and your family.