This is what recovery has done for me...
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
This is what recovery has done for me...
There have been periods in my life where I became horribly enmeshed with the chaos in my AD's life.
I also went through this many times with my 21 year old daughter.
Detachment is a beautiful thing once you have suffered enough pain and are willing to do something different.
Since Amber moved out last fall, and in with the BF and his mother, I have seen many red flags (with the BF and mother).
After her trust fund was liquidated and given to her in full, she's been used by both of them. I didn't say a thing. She has her own lessons to learn.
He sat on his duff after quitting a good-paying job with Cox Cable because it 'put too many miles on his truck', and made no effort to seek employment till she was almost out of money.
I've watched her go from one quarterhorse and a miniature horse to three large horses and a miniature horse. It's convenient right now as they live in the country, with plenty of acreage and a barn.
I've watched a pattern develop with him. Every time she shells out a chunk of change for something he needs (latest was last week for major truck repairs for his diesel truck), he will pick a huge fight between the two of them. Then the relationship is on the rocks.
She's a codependent. He's an emotionally abusive control freak.
If he does end it this time, she's got several problems on her hands, not the least of which is where to put 4 horses.
It's not my problem, nor does it consume my every waking moment.
My house is quiet. I sleep well at night. I get up in the mornings and enjoy my cup of coffee. I do my meditation, and get my day underway.
I'm looking for a job. I will be taking summer classes. I have a new puppy who makes me laugh every day, as well as the rest of the zoo crew!
My granddaughter will be coming to stay for a few days as soon as school is out for her. That's another situation I have turned over to God.
I was sure that her going to live with my AD this past year was the worst thing possible.
I had to work through the emotions on that, come to a place of acceptance, and have faith that God is there with her just as he is with me.
I have a good relationship with my granddaughter, regardless of how I feel about AD and her lifestyle.
I have a home full of love and laughter, and my grandkids enjoy coming to visit.
Perhaps someday my 21 year old will follow my example and begin her journey of self too.
Perhaps my granddaughter will go on to break the cycle of addiction/dysfunction in the family.
Who knows?
What I do know is I keep my own recovery first and foremost, and that is the most important thing I do each day.
I've finally given myself what I was searching for all those years in the wrong places...love, serenity, a relationship with God, and dignity.
I also went through this many times with my 21 year old daughter.
Detachment is a beautiful thing once you have suffered enough pain and are willing to do something different.
Since Amber moved out last fall, and in with the BF and his mother, I have seen many red flags (with the BF and mother).
After her trust fund was liquidated and given to her in full, she's been used by both of them. I didn't say a thing. She has her own lessons to learn.
He sat on his duff after quitting a good-paying job with Cox Cable because it 'put too many miles on his truck', and made no effort to seek employment till she was almost out of money.
I've watched her go from one quarterhorse and a miniature horse to three large horses and a miniature horse. It's convenient right now as they live in the country, with plenty of acreage and a barn.
I've watched a pattern develop with him. Every time she shells out a chunk of change for something he needs (latest was last week for major truck repairs for his diesel truck), he will pick a huge fight between the two of them. Then the relationship is on the rocks.
She's a codependent. He's an emotionally abusive control freak.
If he does end it this time, she's got several problems on her hands, not the least of which is where to put 4 horses.
It's not my problem, nor does it consume my every waking moment.
My house is quiet. I sleep well at night. I get up in the mornings and enjoy my cup of coffee. I do my meditation, and get my day underway.
I'm looking for a job. I will be taking summer classes. I have a new puppy who makes me laugh every day, as well as the rest of the zoo crew!
My granddaughter will be coming to stay for a few days as soon as school is out for her. That's another situation I have turned over to God.
I was sure that her going to live with my AD this past year was the worst thing possible.
I had to work through the emotions on that, come to a place of acceptance, and have faith that God is there with her just as he is with me.
I have a good relationship with my granddaughter, regardless of how I feel about AD and her lifestyle.
I have a home full of love and laughter, and my grandkids enjoy coming to visit.
Perhaps someday my 21 year old will follow my example and begin her journey of self too.
Perhaps my granddaughter will go on to break the cycle of addiction/dysfunction in the family.
Who knows?
What I do know is I keep my own recovery first and foremost, and that is the most important thing I do each day.
I've finally given myself what I was searching for all those years in the wrong places...love, serenity, a relationship with God, and dignity.
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