Bfaith44

I have been in process of not drinking since the the end of March and conciously went out and had several beers on Friday night.

Even walking up to the door of the bar I knew exactly what I was doing and part of me was saying "no don't do it, think of all the exciting things that you can do with you day tomorrow". But I still went right in there and then it became unconciously just downing beer.

I paid for it yesterday with a bodacious migraine and nausea and ended up sleeping my whole day away and still have leftovers of the migraine this morning though not as severe.What a waste of time .....

I am trying to forgive myself and know that this is a new day. But I feel sad....and a little numb. And a little depressed.

Was the relapse just a reminder that thats whats going to happen when I drink??? I don't know but I feel mad at myself.

Stang

Don't beat yourself up over it. Just take responsibility and don't do it again. Have you tried AA?

Bfaith44

Thank you for the reply Stang.......
Not yet.....I guess there is definite fear behind taking that step. I am still thinking I can do it myself .....

Stang

There are alcoholics who quit on their own but I couldn't do it. Find a group you fit into. No one will beat you over the head with it.

Kmber2010

Bfaith.....I am sorry to hear about the relapse but hopefully you have dusted off and back on the wagon. I relapsed last month and picked up and in recovery.

You should be thinking about what you have learned and what you will differently this time. The urges will come and go but just quitting for me at least was not enough.

I have support and focused on making my life as healthy and positive as it should be and only through sobriety can I achieve this.

I do not do AA but I come to SR faithfully and do counseling.

You can do this and the fact you are back says that you want sobriety so make that your priority and stay away from the liquor aisles and pubs. You must be strong.

Bfaith44

Thank you to both of you.....

I am proud that I am for the first time in my life taking action towards being completely sober. By joining this forum....it is my first stab at it.

I appreciate your input....and your right I need to find what works for me. All I have ever known is bars and clubs and partying. Now I want to do things differently so I can actually live my life. I really want that life w/o drinking.
So I am back into recovery....and here is where I plan on staying.....

loveon2legs

Hi Bfaith
The main thing is your back on your track...I have tried countless times to quit drinking...as I think most of us have, so don't beat yourself up...My life was all about bars/pubs...bbq drunk fests...drinking was the center of most of my life..now I'm thankfully 111 days sober....one day at a time.... what i've done it "play the tape forward" in other words think of the consequences before u pick up....not just the intial high of it.... works wonders for me!!!

Take care Bfaith!!

Bfaith44

Thank you loveon2legs....

It helps so much just to really know that there are other people that have centered their lives around drinking. I don't want to waste another moment of my life on it.

And you right I am declaring right now "I am back on track" : )

least

Pick yourself up, forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again. :ghug3 I relapsed too many times for the first year or so. Hated myself every time. Now I feel sure I won't drink again. I do a combination of some AA meetings, SR every day, and see my addiction counselor once a week. It's working for me. Find whatever works to keep you sober and go with that.

augustwest

For many, a relapse is the jarring experience that drives home the point that they cannot successfully drink or use under any circumstances. Perhaps you've arrived at this place. There's nothing good to come out of beating yoruself up about it though. It happened, that moment is gone. Try to focus on today, right now....

artsoul

Welcome Bfaith! I think you'll find alot of good company here! None of us can do this alone - we need understanding and support from others who have been there. You're making a good choice to get honest with yourself and reach out.

I've made dozens, if not hundreds of pledges to myself to stop drinking only to ignore them a few days later and (as you said) consciously take another drink. I think that's why they talk about the insanity of this disease. It's almost like I was two people inside, battling over it. I came here when I had lost all hope of being able to control my drinking and amazingly, I'm sober today. Keep posting and reading!

growbot

My path has been paved with relapses although I've noticed they've gotten a little smaller each time(Maybe with my tolerance being shot). And each time I've done it I feel guilt the next day about giving up.

As they say, one day at a time.

jsibbib

I think we can all relate to that. However isn't ironic to think that had Bill W. and Dr. Bob back in 1935 had kept that frame of mind AA would never have come to be and this site either? If all alcoholics thought they could do it on there own there wouldn't be a program. Just a point I thought you'd maybe like to ponder on.

Call the local AA hotline, see if somebody would go have coffee w/ you, and ask them to take you to that first meeting. It's not that scary, kinda like a bar, everyones real sociable, some are real happy some come in sad, only difference is that everyone's sober.

Dee74

Many of us have had relapses bfaith. I had many.

Just look at what happened - try to figure out why it happened, and then think of what else you can do to stop it reoccuring.

Maybe those meetings are your next step?
D

lucyford

Like Dee says, this is tough and relapses are (unfortunately) not uncommon. As long as you take something away from it -- why did you drink in the first place? Was it the environment, the people, the mood you were in? Take all of those questions and try to build from them so that when you're in the environment, or with those people, or in that mood, you'll feel more armed and ready for bear the next time the urge hits you.
Good luck, bfaith.