littlewheel2

Hi All,

I'm female, mid 30's, good job. Unmarried and likely to stay that way if I do not stop drinking alcohol every single night of my life.

I have been drinking problematically since my teens. I should never have gone near the stuff to begin with. I regret ever picking up that first drink. What a mistake. It has cost me a place at university when I first left school and it will cost me my place at university as a mature-aged student NOW, THIS YEAR, if I do not stop. It is effecting my memory and ability to learn anything new.

I joined SR a long time ago, then fell off the wagon. I controlled my drinking successfully for about 3 months at the beginning of the year when I enrolled at uni...then came work stress, then uni stress and my answer was to medicate using wine. One glass has grown to more than a bottle a night.

I am back now, starting Day One this morning after a massive night drinking by myself (as usual) a bottle and a half of red wine...that is how alcohol tolerant I have become...it's expensive and it's ruining my life.

I have put on weight, my skin is terrible and dehydrated, I am unfit. I look 10 or 15 years older than I am...God knows what other people think...I must look hungover all the time- it's because I am hungover all the time.

I hide my drinking by hitting several different liquor stores and pay in cash so I don't have to see bank statements showing the daily truth...

I've escalated to more than a bottle of wine per night, every night. I have to stop.

I know from past experience that I will not sleep properly, I'll sweat, have really really awful nightmares, panic attacks, heart palpitations and anxiety...I have to just push through this discomfort, hopefully by logging on to this wonderful site for support through the worst of it.

I will take this one day at a time...I was going so well at the beginning of the year, then I guess it was PAWS which hit me: I felt all of that wasted time and effort, all those wasted drinking years and I just lost it and started drinking again to forget about old regrets and mistakes...not very logical or constructive...

I need tips on what to do to get through the first 3 or 4 days: my doctor says I do not need any meds as my blood pressure is normal and I may find Valium addictive also...don't want to develop another addiction.

I have to do this properly this time. Wish me luck. I will not treat this morning's hangover with a reward of alcohol tonight. I don't have to work this weekend, so the ugliest part of withdrawal can be done without the added stress of work/people around me.

This has to work. Other people do not drink every day: their existence on the planet seems like something I only imagine...not real because I am surrounded by huge drinkers (family, work and friends)...I just need to get through the next week a day at a time...

Any advice for the night sweats and tidal waves of regrets? I would appreciate any suggestions. I cannot believe I wasted my 20's and almost half my 30's doing something so destructive.

Lenina

littlewheel2,

Welcome back! Drink lots of water, take good vitamins and try to rest. Stick around SR and read the stickies at the top as often as necessary. As you know, there's lots of great support and good information here.

Love,

Lenina

0sT

Hello littlewheel2

You're making the right choice in choosing to stop drinking, you understand the negative impact it has on you and you're now using your willpower to quit.

Try not to dwell on things that you regret, there isn't much point; just try to focus on the future and the things you have. If you find yourself beating yourself up about things then make sure you stop it as soon as you notice it, because you need yourself to be strong and focused.

Don't rush yourself, take it one day at a time

All the best

Anna

Welcome back!

Gosh, I sure know about the regrets and how that ends up being a horrible cycle. I would feel so miserably ashamed the next day and my feelings would overwhelm me and I would end up drinking again. Take a leap of faith and know that you can live through the regret. Be as gentle with yourself as possible so that you don't turn back to alcohol to make yourself feel better. Get rid of the alcohol you have around you. Change your daily routines for the next few days. Do whatever you can to take your mind off drinking for even a few moments.

You can do this!

littlewheel2

Thanks Lenina,

I forgot about the vitamins! Thanks. This has to work this time. Last time I succeeded without SR, just with determination; so determination and you guys might kick it for me finally. :-)

porkchopped

LW2,

Thanks for sharing your story. You can have success today here and now, you have already started by making a new commitment. Don't despair and look back, the future ahead of you is very bright!!! SR is such a fabulous support system.

Take care,

Pork

Dee74

welcome back littlewheel2 - there's a lot of support here.

D

least

Here is a link to some of our experiences at quitting. Be safe while detoxing. Sometimes meds are helpful to relax the anxiety and reduce the chance of seizures.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

coffeenut

Welcome back. Keep reading and posting.

Winton

Littlewheel,
I feel the same exact way as you do. I try to think of it as not wasting your 20s, as I was very productive at times and enjoyed partying. Alcohol was fun then. It isn't now, and it is time to stop. You are young, and if you stop and take better care of your self now, your body will recover.

littlewheel2

"Alcohol was fun then. It isn't now, and it is time to stop"

Thanks Winton: that is exactly it.

Cheers,
LW