Can early recovery be like this?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 120
Can early recovery be like this?
Hi, I hope it's ok if I post here. My husband is an alcoholic how has recently done a inpatient detox. Since then I know he has drank a couple of times. This seems to happen roughly weekly. I don't really understand how he would be able to go for a week without drinking, get drunk and then go another week without drinking. I'm starting to feel that he is more likely to be drinking most days but not usually enough to get noticeably drunk.
He's also on Camperal, but he isn't taking it as often as he should. He often doesn't take a days supply into work with him and those tend to be the days he gets drunk.
I'm just very tired of this. If he is genuinely working on his recovery I can deal with him slipping up at times. But if he's drinking all of the time I need to move out. I know if he's drinking everyday it will become obvious sooner or later, but I guess I just need to prepare myself.
He's also on Camperal, but he isn't taking it as often as he should. He often doesn't take a days supply into work with him and those tend to be the days he gets drunk.
I'm just very tired of this. If he is genuinely working on his recovery I can deal with him slipping up at times. But if he's drinking all of the time I need to move out. I know if he's drinking everyday it will become obvious sooner or later, but I guess I just need to prepare myself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by KittyP 
If he is genuinely working on his recovery I can deal with him slipping up at times.
This is a contradiction in terms...someone in recovery does not keep slipping...all the time i spent 'recovering', until i got sober last year, was simply taking time off between drinks, whether it be days, weeks, months or even years...
IMO a good measure fo someone in recovery is they are working their ass off at it and it takes prioirty over everything and everyone in which case your post might have been about him always going on about recovery and just being focussed on that...
Abusing campral isn't exactly a good sign either...i was prescribed that but didn't end up taking it to ease the withdrawl symptoms when stopping drinking, its not to make hangovers more bearable!
There is a family and friends section on here which will be of great help to you i am sure:-)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 120
Thanks, I think you are right. Initially he seemed to be very into his recovery, very adamant about it coming first and doing what it takes. But in the last week he seems to be heading back toward denial and making out it's not as big a problem as he had been accepting it was. (Not that his drinking was so bad, but that he doesn't need to do as much as he initially planned in order to recover.)
He had been saying that he wouldn't go to social occasions at bars and now I've just found out that he has made plans for us to meet a friend at a bar tonight. Supposedly we are just meeting there and than leaving straight away to get food, but I don't think someone who is really, really trying to stop drinking, and "slipped up" 3 nights ago, would ever have agreed to meet there. I think I have some serious thinking to do.
He had been saying that he wouldn't go to social occasions at bars and now I've just found out that he has made plans for us to meet a friend at a bar tonight. Supposedly we are just meeting there and than leaving straight away to get food, but I don't think someone who is really, really trying to stop drinking, and "slipped up" 3 nights ago, would ever have agreed to meet there. I think I have some serious thinking to do.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by Mark75
Hmm... Doesn't sound like he's done drinkin' yet. Sorry.
Husband of AW
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Between Jackson Hole and Vegas
Posts: 2
Maybe too off topic but here's one for you: My AW finished a 30 day residential program after 6 day detox and went to 7/11 for cigarettes while I was out of town on business. She walked in and told the guy behind the counter "I'm an alcoholic, do NOT sell me beer" he said "no you're not" she said "oh yes I am". That was her front brain being responsible. Then her mid brain started screaming to her. She then got a 12 pack out of the cooler, took it to the counter and the clerk wouldn't sell it to her. He said "you told me not to so I'm not going to" She set her own boundary which I'm pleased about. Unfortunately her mid brain convinced her to drive to a different 7/11 where she bought it. There's a part in there that wants to be done but until her inner battle is over, the the addicted brain will win over sober/responsible brain every time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 806
Originally Posted by KittyP
Hi, I hope it's ok if I post here. My husband is an alcoholic how has recently done a inpatient detox. Since then I know he has drank a couple of times. This seems to happen roughly weekly. I don't really understand how he would be able to go for a week without drinking, get drunk and then go another week without drinking. I'm starting to feel that he is more likely to be drinking most days but not usually enough to get noticeably drunk.
He's also on Camperal, but he isn't taking it as often as he should. He often doesn't take a days supply into work with him and those tend to be the days he gets drunk.
I'm just very tired of this. If he is genuinely working on his recovery I can deal with him slipping up at times. But if he's drinking all of the time I need to move out. I know if he's drinking everyday it will become obvious sooner or later, but I guess I just need to prepare myself.
He's also on Camperal, but he isn't taking it as often as he should. He often doesn't take a days supply into work with him and those tend to be the days he gets drunk.
I'm just very tired of this. If he is genuinely working on his recovery I can deal with him slipping up at times. But if he's drinking all of the time I need to move out. I know if he's drinking everyday it will become obvious sooner or later, but I guess I just need to prepare myself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Guelph, Ontario
Posts: 640
Ya if he is in recovery he shouldn't be drinking. Though people who are getting help do slip, but slipping a lot seems to be a bad thing. I don't know if he is drinking other times, but ya. if you have to move out then move out maybe it will make him realize how this is effecting you. Maybe it will push him to get sober. You need to do whats best for you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 120
Originally Posted by Spawn
does your husband go to any kind of support group?
This morning he rang his psychologist and has scheduled a weekly phone session with her as of tomorrow. He's also left a message with the psychiatrist here to try arrange an appointment this week or else get a recommendation for someone he can see on Saturday mornings. He also got some recommendations from someone he likes at one of his AA meetings for some late evening, weekday AA meetings that he can try out after work.
He told me last night that he's been finding things much harder than he anticipated. We've been living abroad for the last five years due to his work but has just started a contract at home for the next year. (I moved us while he was in detox). He said he'd been under the stupid impression that moving home would make everything ok. But he's now realising that being home has brought up a new set of pressures and he still has to work at getting better. Hopefully he'll start following through on things again.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Hampshire, USA
Posts: 224
One guess and one piece of my own story. The guess is that he is drinking more than you think he is. We alcoholics can be very devious. Why? We want to drink: it's as simple as that. The piece of my story is that fear of losing my marriage helped me to get to the point of quitting. My wife's longsuffering understanding helped me to drink. If she had given me an ironclad ultimatum sooner I might have stopped sooner.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 806
Originally Posted by KittyP
He had been seeing a community support group where we used to live and very grudgingly attending AA. We moved a few weeks ago and he's now attending AA 3 times at weekends and actually seems to be getting something from it. He had been seeing an alcohol specialist psychologist where we used to live and had one appointment with an alcohol specialist psychiatrist in our new area but hadn't been able to schedule a new appointment due to starting a new job. Though he also didn't try work around that and was seemingly content to put it on the back-burner.
This morning he rang his psychologist and has scheduled a weekly phone session with her as of tomorrow. He's also left a message with the psychiatrist here to try arrange an appointment this week or else get a recommendation for someone he can see on Saturday mornings. He also got some recommendations from someone he likes at one of his AA meetings for some late evening, weekday AA meetings that he can try out after work.
He told me last night that he's been finding things much harder than he anticipated. We've been living abroad for the last five years due to his work but has just started a contract at home for the next year. (I moved us while he was in detox). He said he'd been under the stupid impression that moving home would make everything ok. But he's now realising that being home has brought up a new set of pressures and he still has to work at getting better. Hopefully he'll start following through on things again.
This morning he rang his psychologist and has scheduled a weekly phone session with her as of tomorrow. He's also left a message with the psychiatrist here to try arrange an appointment this week or else get a recommendation for someone he can see on Saturday mornings. He also got some recommendations from someone he likes at one of his AA meetings for some late evening, weekday AA meetings that he can try out after work.
He told me last night that he's been finding things much harder than he anticipated. We've been living abroad for the last five years due to his work but has just started a contract at home for the next year. (I moved us while he was in detox). He said he'd been under the stupid impression that moving home would make everything ok. But he's now realising that being home has brought up a new set of pressures and he still has to work at getting better. Hopefully he'll start following through on things again.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 3,937
When there is a question about a sponsees sincerity in AA there is an expression, "watch their feet". In other words watch what they are doing and ignore what they say. The AA program takes a change in thought and action. The action is very important. With the slips it doesn't look like he's too successful, but it does appear that he is taking some kind of action toward saving his own life. I tend to sponsor many chronic relapsers and many of them do eventually get and stay sober as long as they continue to "get back in there and run that play until they get it right". Don't get your expectations too high, but from what you's detailed he's trying to claw his way out of the hopeless category.
That's called a "geographic cure". Most alcoholics try it, with the same results.
Originally Posted by KittyP
He had been seeing a community support group where we used to live and very grudgingly attending AA. We moved a few weeks ago and he's now attending AA 3 times at weekends and actually seems to be getting something from it. He had been seeing an alcohol specialist psychologist where we used to live and had one appointment with an alcohol specialist psychiatrist in our new area but hadn't been able to schedule a new appointment due to starting a new job. Though he also didn't try work around that and was seemingly content to put it on the back-burner.
This morning he rang his psychologist and has scheduled a weekly phone session with her as of tomorrow. He's also left a message with the psychiatrist here to try arrange an appointment this week or else get a recommendation for someone he can see on Saturday mornings. He also got some recommendations from someone he likes at one of his AA meetings for some late evening, weekday AA meetings that he can try out after work.
This morning he rang his psychologist and has scheduled a weekly phone session with her as of tomorrow. He's also left a message with the psychiatrist here to try arrange an appointment this week or else get a recommendation for someone he can see on Saturday mornings. He also got some recommendations from someone he likes at one of his AA meetings for some late evening, weekday AA meetings that he can try out after work.
Originally Posted by KittyP
He said he'd been under the stupid impression that moving home would make everything ok.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
With the slips it doesn't look like he's too successful, but it does appear that he is taking some kind of action toward saving his own life. I tend to sponsor many chronic relapsers and many of them do eventually get and stay sober as long as they continue to "get back in there and run that play until they get it right". Don't get your expectations too high, but from what you's detailed he's trying to claw his way out of the hopeless category.
If on the other hand he is making no attempts at a recovery program that's a different situation.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 273
I think he needs to find the answers within himself, rather than depending on changes in his environment to do it for him.
It's your life, and you have to decide what's best for you, but if you want to help him I think you need to plan stress relieving activities to do with him. He sounds like he is a very anxious person who keeps going to alcohol at the first sign of trouble. Give him something else to go to if you can.
It's a sad story, but I hope it has a happy ending for you. I've seen spouses get through it though, so don't give up if you still want to try. Good luck.
It's your life, and you have to decide what's best for you, but if you want to help him I think you need to plan stress relieving activities to do with him. He sounds like he is a very anxious person who keeps going to alcohol at the first sign of trouble. Give him something else to go to if you can.
It's a sad story, but I hope it has a happy ending for you. I've seen spouses get through it though, so don't give up if you still want to try. Good luck.
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