Nichole78

Just a little update.......my brother finally got a job and yesterday was 30 days clean until last night, he got paid and blew every single cent he made except for what he paid in rent and took his gf out to dinner, then they went to a meeting together she went home and he got high......before he got into heroin he was smoking crack, well last night thats what he went for, and smoked every cent away that he worked that hard for. Im disappointed in him because i know he can do this, he has to find the root of his problem i guess, or go into treatment and get some help, he did good for 17 months and now he just cant stay back on his feet........prayers please!

But i have a question.........is him coming clean to his family about this a good sign? if he actually WANTED to be using would he tell us or hide it?? Im really hoping its a good thing he called me and my mother today and told us what happened. he is really down and says he doesnt know what is wrong with him and he feels like he shouldnt have a pocket full of money, so he says next frieday he is paying rent buying lunch for work and sending our step father a money order with the left overs so he cant touch it....sure hope he does!

Hope all is well with everyone else!

coffeedrinker

nichole,

i'm sorry this happened. it's a heartache, isn't it?

i don't think anyone can say for sure what every thing he does means exactly. the bottom line, is that he needs to figure it out.

if my xabf is any indication, he does want to be clean and sober, but he also wants to be high. how does one reconcile those two things? he has to want to be clean more than he wants to be high.

when my xah relapsed after a year of sobriety, his counselor said that often when one has had some clean time, then a relapse, he has a renewed zeal for sobriety that carries him through. like he saw how easy it is to slip, how rotten it feels, and makes more of an effort, or a change the next time around. some people fall many times before they figure out what was going on (stress, fear, a trigger, being in a bad environment, not surrendering to a higher power). but then they do figure it out, and learn how to stay sober.

making a commitment, being honest about his using, and finding ways to eliminate slippery places, are all good signs.

Impurrfect

((Nichole)) - I'm sorry, sweetie, but words just don't mean much coming from an addict. I'm sure he IS regretful of what he did and he DOES fully intend on doing better the next time he gets paid, but a "good sign" is actually DOING better when he gets paid again.

I'm a recovering crack addict. I will say it was at the end of my using when I had the most feelings of remorse/shame/etc. after using. However, it still took a while and a pretty drastic relapse (only a little over a week but I lost a LOT in that time and hit another bottom I didn't think I could hit) before I finally stopped.

Go by his actions, sweetie, not his words.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Freedom1990

I don't try to second-guess other people's motives anymore because 1) I am often wrong, and 2) I'm not focusing on myself and what I need to do for me at the moment.

I understand you want to see your brother in long-term recovery, but life isn't always that grand.

My 32 year old AD has been at the same old same old since age 15 now.

I have a full and productive life in spite of her addictions.

Christen

Dear Friend,

Yes, I do think that him telling the truth is a good sign. But on the flip side, you can't believe much of what an addict says. Don't give up on him, but don't get your hopes up. Keep praying for him, & tell him how you feel. It sounds like he has a long road ahead of him. But thank God he knows he has a problem & is seeking counseling... Some times all we can ask for is that our addicts take baby steps... It's a bummer, but it is what it is. Don't forget to take care of you. Don't let his choices affect you so much that he's making your life miserable. I've been down that road, & it's not a good one.