Lotus2009

Wow, I think I'm making up for lost time... 3 threads in less than 24 hours!

I was wondering what stages you went through after you left your AS? It just kinda seems like I'm on my own rollercoaster now that I left. The first 2 or so weeks I was very tense, worried about AH a LOT, very high anxiety... the next couple of weeks I went numb (saw him and there was no anger, no love, no nothing) tried to avoid him/ the situation, tried to pretend everything was fine... and now (starting today) I think I'm starting to feel a LOT of anger at everything and feel like everything is coming crashing down.

Is that normal? What has your experience been like?

Argh, I really need to find another counselor soon (I had my last counseling session yesterday - it was a free service and I was "only" allowed 12 weeks - and I feel my issues are just now starting to really surface)

mishaco1

Trust me, I have felt all of these things. It is normal. It is a roller coaster of emotions and just know in time it gets easier and some days are going to be SO much harder than others.

I have felt crazy at times. One day I am SO happy, don't even think about it and the next day I am crying, can't hold myself together and am freaking out about what might happen, is he ok, blah, blah, blah. And, OH, the anger I have - wow. I have a lot of that.

It's hard but hang in there... these emotions are normal!

mishaco1

Are you going to Al-Anon?

tchappy

It pretty much felt like to me all the stages of grief. Read up on grief and losing someone. To me it felt like that and just when I thought I made it through one of the stages I would find myself back in that same stage a week later.

But it does get better...that is for sure! Good luck and just take care of yourself as you go through the different stages.

Ceres

I'm sorta bouncy my first 2 1/2 months. Up and down. Mostly up, a pink cloud so-to-speak. But, at the same time, it's totally personal. It has nothing to do with him. Wouldn't take him back if he became President of The United States.

Learn2Live

Yup, sounds completely normal to me. After the anger, for me came the sadness. Crying over what was lost, what could have been, but at the same time KNOWING it was OVER and confident that everything was going to be just fine. Then comes the feeling of FREEDOM and relief and amazement that I am no longer all those things I was during that time of being with the alcoholic/addict and then trying to get away from him. It's a rebirth. I regret not journaling very much during those times. It would be nice to look back on myself in more detail and see the changes I was going thru as I was going thru them.

Gold

Honour your own rollercoaster.
We are all different, have lived in our situations for different reasons, time frames etc.

I actually find my personal rollercoaster matched my monthly rhythm.
When i am in mid cylce, ovulating I miss him want lovin" but am happy and grounded enough to find joy with family, pets and work. PMT makes me angry so I choose to be angry at him. That only lasts a moment or two because i find anger uses up too much of my energy.

It is said the stages of grieving a lost relationship are aligned with any loss, death or whatever. i guess so but for me I did that in the month we has separated but he was still in the house .

I still feel odd if I see his car but fortunately that has only happened once.

coffeedrinker

you wrote "as" but i think it's your husband you separated from?

my experience is different because we started out as friends, became best friends, became gf/bf after my divorce. we still have contact, feeling like, and wanting, to remain in one another's lives for (probably) ever.

what i have gone through:

* questioning my decision
* being very, very sad with the decision - not wanting to do it, but feeling it is the right one
* thinking about him, and replaying tapes from the past three years, over and over again in my mind
* rush of adrenaline when i contact him and hear nothing, when i see a call come in from him, or when i am going to see him. i realize that if this doesn't change, i will have to go n/c for at least a time. this is the worst part - it's awful. my heart races, i want to have a cigarette.
* grieving - sadness and regret - over the relationship, what went wrong, why he couldn't "get it", and losing the dream i had of us making it.

so, mostly it's this emotional stuff in my head. i long to hear from him, but am glad when i dont, because it's easier.

transformyself

By the time I left, I had been in severe trauma for about a year and a half trying, so for a good three months I woke up every morning and felt like I was a little kid at Christmas. I was elated. I felt like I had escaped.

From your description I started going through what you're experiencing when I found out about his affair and he moved out. At that time, I noticed I was feeling all of the stages of grief, sometimes in one day. Denial, Bargaining, Sadness, Anger and Acceptance. Seriously, I would sometimes cycle through them all in one day.

But then I noticed moving through the same feelings on a much larger scale. For instance, I took AH back 4 months after finding out about the affair and he moved out. I was still largely in denial and bargaining. About 7 months after this whole thing started, when I moved into anger, I would have NEVER taken him back.

Does that make sense? You'll have your own cycle, but for me it really helped to name my feeling: "Oh, this is anger," and recognize its' part of the cycle of healing.

I have the names of some low cost, sliding scale places that are great too if you want.,

tpen

I seem to go three days maintaining. Then, one day it's all about contacting her or looking at her online status. It's so overhwelming! I don't act on it atleast and it is just thoughts. I think its the bargaining stage as if I contacted her it would be to get back together.

Denial stage was three weeks ago; however, just this morning I woke up thinking she and the kids could possibly show up at my house this weekend. The mind is simply unbelievable when it is given time to think.

newlife24

exactly. when im in school, I dont have time to think about him. But last night at work, I was thinking, hmm, I could look up pictures of his friends on FB. Maybe see pictures of him. Why do I care??? I am having a rough time. I almost feel like I need anti-depressants but Im going to try REAL hard not to get them.
Its just life. Life with an addict SUCKED but life without them, for awhile, is gonna suck too. I think thats what Ive learned. Some days are better than others.
Im just so happy I finally cut ties to his brother's gf.
It was just too hard to see her and the kids and then running into my ex's mom at the brother's house....now that was icky.
hugs to all who are "in it" right now. I hope it passes for us all.

newlife24

ps I got to counseling every other week and Im in Naranon and Alanon when I have time. Its been wonderful to get some outside perspective and it helps keep me strong and stand my ground.

coffeedrinker

love this.

alanonicnov2008

Al Anon is a great resource if you can't afford more therapy, but I'm a big fan of private counseling, I go every other week, some counselors are open to lighter schedules.

I go through a lot of different stages as I'm still grieving. Right now I'm going through a general unhappiness with my life...I want my life to be fuller, with more fun stuff going on. Years of being in all-consuming relationships that got me outside of myself has paid off in me not having much of a life of my own. I know this will get better with time, and at least I'm stable enough to appreciate how little there is of interest going on in my world.

I definitely flip back and forth. I also got myself involved somewhat with someone too soon, and when that didn't pan out I hit the ground hard. I do not recommend the rebound with these relationships as you are so busy comparing a new person to an active A you might miss other signs the person is not good for you.

tpen

Second that, the rollercoaster. It's necessary, for if you jump off you'll surely carry scars, bumps and bruises for quite a while.

Lotus2009

As always, thank you all so much for your responses!!!

I'm aware of the stages of grieving and think I kinda went through them in the 4 or so months before I left. But I guess I feel like now that I'm in a healthy environment I should be healthy or maybe I'm just sick of the rollercoaster and want everything to be normal again (whatever that is) - I know it's not that easy though and I know it takes time and work. Thanks for letting me know it's normal - I like the way transform put it "the cycle of healing" - it has a much more positive, "forward looking" feel to it.

successtomeonly

I just found this site tonight. Was surfing on the web...trying to watch Lois Wilson on my PC instead of TV as I work from home and there is no TV in the room where my PC is.

At any rate, I came across this site...glad I did. A little about me...I moved out November 2009. We lived together since 1999. Tonight, April 25, 2010, I am back over at OUR house spending the night. I have been here since Friday...taking it day by day. Not bringing over too many clothes etc.

Again, I work from home...I have a PC at OUR house and a PC at MY NEW place that I am renting. The PC I need is at the NEW place. At any rate, yes I am on a roller coaster definitely.

Weeks have went by and I maintained focus.....though for some reason I think once again I can try to come back over to OUR place and see what happens.

I will probably be back by Tuesday at my new rental as I have danced this gig before yet keep on doing it.

Thanks for letting me share.

tpen

Welcome to SR and may God bless you!

Lotus2009

Successtomeonly - thanks for sharing and welcome to SR!!! You might find it helpful to open your own thread here to introduce yourself. I know SR has helped me soo much in the past few months (I think I've been on here for almost a year now) and hope you will find this forum as beneficial as I have!