enodm

So, I went to my first Alanon meeting last night, which I will keep going back!! My AS as you know spent the weekend in the shock trauma icu unit all weekend from almost over dosing.. HE STILL IS NOT GETTING IT!!! He is mad at me cause I wont let him have his car back.. it's his car (he still owes me $$ for it).. Why cant I trust him, I can not believe he is even asking me that!! I told him I wont talk via text and if he wants to talk like an adult and be treated like an adult he can come to my house.. All he wants to do is argue... Everything is well you and you and you... I understand he is very angry at himself, but has to blame everyone else.
He got fired from his job Monday and paid today.. I transfered all of his money, but $30.00 to my account.. Here I am again trying to control the situation... If he has no money, he wont buy drugs, which he swears all he is doing is smoking spice. Who knows maybe he is telling the truth.. I said OK, come to my house and lets take a drug test.. Still he argues. I have told him he can live at home as long as he stays clean and follow's the house rules, which are pretty simple... work, finish school to get your diploma, home by 10:00 at night and work your program, but still arguing
Do I transfer his $$ back to his account minus the few hundred he owes me and let him figure it out?? He also has a fine due, which he has pretty much blown off and is about to have a warrant.... Not to mention the ticket he got Friday night of alchol consumption of a minor & for huffing.... I told him I started Alnon last night and lets work the program toghether and for both of us to get better. Nothing... NO ok mom, NO I'm sorry.. nothing.....
WHY? I dont get it...

Chino

I'd take what is owed and give the rest back. It's his addiction to own.

Why? Because his brain is hijacked right now and making decisions based on reward, not consequence, and the reward is greater. His brain isn't done recording basic reward/consequence either, not until he's 23-25. After that age, it starts to take more to leave an imprint.

My daughter is 22 and she's suffered some nasty consequences. There aren't many left that she'll be able to recover from and she knows that, but she had to be sober and recovering before she realized it.

StillLearning1

I'ld give him the money, along with ANYTHING in that house that he considers to be his.
Rent a storage locker, pay to have it packed and moved.
He is an adult, he knows it all.
What we are not grateful for, disappears!

Spend your time and energy on a child. One who may think they are the darn luckiest person in the world to have you in their life. Alanon meetings with childcare are VERY hard to find!! Nope- you do something for one of those kids... you would be amazed how good that can feel!!

enodm

StillLearning, thanks so much I agree!! Were in the process of buying a house so I will just tell him get all your SH*T here are some boxes and figure out where you can store it.
Thanks again. This sucks!!! I love him so much but want to squish his head ha ha is that awful?

Chino

If it's awful then I'm right there with you because I laughed!

StillLearning1

Don't get me wrong, I've been there... only problem? Then I end up feeling ashamed of myself.. guilty.
This has nothing to do with being mean to them. Or trying to hurt them or make their lives hard in any way.
It's how we look at it.. It is about respecting YOURSELF!! Being kind to yourself. And helping YOURSELF not to have future resentments!!

It really has nothing to do with teaching THEM a lesson either!
I think of it my learning MY lesson!! Accepting myself. I like to be treated with respect. I like it when people are polite. Honest. I ALLOW people to be unkind, disrespectful and just plain rude. I can't change them, powerless over them. But I sure don't have to store their stuff, wash their clothes, cook their dinner or give them a warm bed to sleep in!
They may not like me for it. But I sure do like myself and my life alot more!!

teke

i think once he finds his way, he'll probably be grateful that you made the decision to focus on you and what you can do for yourself to make your life easier.