Sponsoring and talking to the family
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Well, one thing I can tell you is that they will not appreciate hearing that their loved one died so that others can live. Those who die may serve as examples for the rest of us, but I have witnessed AA's making comments like that at the funerals of suicides leaving the family absolutely devastated.
In all things we must, I believe, be guided by the precepts of love and tolerance.
The thing to say to the family is: "I am so very sorry."
That is all.
In all things we must, I believe, be guided by the precepts of love and tolerance.
The thing to say to the family is: "I am so very sorry."
That is all.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
LL....No I've not had a sposee die
I've gone to many services for AA members.
Most died sober....some did not.
I go as a friend...to honor their memory.
I've found a simple....
"Sorry for your loss....I too will miss x"
is all that is required.
Hope this helps....
I've gone to many services for AA members.
Most died sober....some did not.
I go as a friend...to honor their memory.
I've found a simple....
"Sorry for your loss....I too will miss x"
is all that is required.
Hope this helps....
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,903
I have had several sponsee`s die due to suicide
what can you say?Nothing will bring them back,a few words to try and help the hurting family was the best I could do.
I said what I could at the funeral home and funerals to the family's,but I said a little more to several other sponsees I had
what can you say?Nothing will bring them back,a few words to try and help the hurting family was the best I could do.
I said what I could at the funeral home and funerals to the family's,but I said a little more to several other sponsees I had
Gold Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,494
That they are no longer in the grips of this addiction and they are at peace with God. You might want to add that it's ok to remember the good times of the person's life and not just the bad to help them heal.
*Hooligan*
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Tenino, Wa
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by LegalLady 
I was told as a joke after you kill off your first one it will be okay.
Sorry another bad joke. That is how I like to deal with uncomfortable situations.
I have seen a number of people pass away, both sober and lost in there addictions. I had a guy that I grew up with and went to school with, who overdosed on new years and died.
People want to remember the good. I would ask the family to share with you their best or fondest memories of the person. These help the healing process. Share your condolences with them.
My exp. makes me believe that the sorrow or pain we feel when someone dies, really has nothing to do with the dead person, but with us. Our loss, our regrets, our feelings, thoughts, and emotions.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
i found myself surrounded by angry ..emotional people when i attended my mates funeral.
very difficult situation.
a relative ask me this......."why did that bast...rd pick booze over his grandchildren..."
i told them he had "no choice"......
bad choice of words.
people without alcoholism have no concept of a fatal malady.....and why should they.
its sometimes best to say nothing.......pay your respects ....and leave.
very difficult situation.
a relative ask me this......."why did that bast...rd pick booze over his grandchildren..."
i told them he had "no choice"......
bad choice of words.
people without alcoholism have no concept of a fatal malady.....and why should they.
its sometimes best to say nothing.......pay your respects ....and leave.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 812
EXPLAIN AA TO PROSPECT'S FAMILY
10. A successful sponsor takes pains and makes any required effort to make certain that those people closest and with the greatest interest in their prospect (mother, father, wife, etc.) are fully informed of A.A., its principles and its objectives. The sponsor sees that these people are invited to meetings, and keeps them in touch with the current situation regarding the prospect at all times.
10. A successful sponsor takes pains and makes any required effort to make certain that those people closest and with the greatest interest in their prospect (mother, father, wife, etc.) are fully informed of A.A., its principles and its objectives. The sponsor sees that these people are invited to meetings, and keeps them in touch with the current situation regarding the prospect at all times.
from AA Sponsorship Pamphlet (1944) by Clarence Snyder
Hope that helps.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
It's a fatal illness. Sometimes, that's forgotten. Amanda, the young woman memorialized in my signature, died two days after I twelfth-stepped her. What could I say to her family? She knew she had a problem. She asked for help, but like many of us, she thought she had time, thought she could postpone the pain of getting sober. Half measures avail us nothing. She was young. She told me it wasn't fair that she had this problem so young.
What could I say to her family? I hugged them, I told them I was sorry, and I told them I knew she wanted help. That's all I could do.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
What could I say to her family? I hugged them, I told them I was sorry, and I told them I knew she wanted help. That's all I could do.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
*Hooligan*
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Tenino, Wa
Posts: 94
I suggest reading P- 15 Questions and Answers on Sponsorship
http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf
http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf
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