Catz

I'm new to this site but already have found much comfort here. I don't feel so alone in my sobriety when I read other people's experiences. I have been an alcoholic for a long time and have quit several times (once for a year and a half) but I always seem to pick up the booze again. Not this time! However, my live-in boyfriend is still drinking. He promises to cut down; he currently drinks four to five nights a week. When he drinks, he wants to start arguments....then he doesn't remember it the next day. I try to realize he doesn't mean what he says, it's the alcohol talking, but it's getting very old very fast! I am working full time and in grad school so I am extremely busy and don't have the time or the patience to deal with him. I feel like such a hypocrit. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Astro

Welcome to SR Catz!

Sooo, ever been to an Al-Anon or CoDA meeting? I'm an alcoholic, so I attend those meetings to learn how my behavior affected or continues to affect my loved ones. Plenty of people in those rooms deal with alcoholism in their lives every day, so I look to their experience and strength to inspire me.

We have a Friends & Family Of Alcoholics forum right here on SR, I'd recommend checking it out if you're interested.

Spawn

I haven't know an alcoholic that can stay sober and still have alcohol in their life.

Taking5

Set up a camera to record the arguments. Ask him the next day if he remembers it. If he doesn't, play it back for him. This is how someone from my home group became convinced he needed help. This took a LOT for his wife to do but it was worth it for both of them.

tallcactus

Thats gotta be hard and with everything that is going on in your life.
That's gonna get old soon. Where is your limits? How long are you going to put up with this? There has to be a change.
You need to talk with him, before he starts drinking to set boundries.

least

Be good to yourself during this time of trouble. Maybe check out an AlAnon meeting for support for yourself. I don't suppose his moving out is a possibility? Do set some boundaries for yourself, to keep you safe and sane.

Toronto68

Dgillz, I like that idea. Sounds like "capturing" someone and might make a person feel guilty about doing it, but I kind of endorse it Even an audio recording would do wonders. Most people can't stand to see or hear themselves in a recording. Seeing what others see is rough stuff. So adding an alcoholic episode to it would hopefully provide a discovery.

Catz, I understand the logic in feeling like a hypocrit, but I recommend allowing yourself that particular "sin." Sobriety is way too important (graduate degree or not), it's a foundation for people like us. Aside from that, a positive outcome could be that you and your intolerance for his antics are one ounce of change for the better for this boyfriend, who needs the same thing you do, sobriety. Avoid the temptation to fear you're being like the humorous "ex-smoker" who excels at complaining about smoking now that they are reformed.

CarolD

Welcome....

You are going to find a lot of understanding
support and information here with us.

I did ditch my still drinking lover to protect
my early sobriety. He survived....I thrived....

Many of us are winning over alcohol
Yess! so can you....

Dee74

Hi Catz

Welcome

Like others have said, it;s not easy - but you'll find others here dealing with it. The AlAnon nd CoDa suggestions are great ones - I hope you look into it....and check out our F and F forums too

D

Catz

Thank you so much everyone for all the support. I suppose since I am changing my life, he will have no choice but to change his or our relationship will not survive. For the time being, I will just continue with my sobriety and see what happens with us.

Thanks again for all the nice comments and advice.

Catz