Day 8. Blaming…
Fighting my Demons
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: London, UK
Posts: 60
Day 8. Blaming… “If we defend our habits, we have no intentions of quitting them”
Oh yes. I love to blame. Most of us love to blame. We don’t blame ourselves of course, that would be almost immoral towards our egos. No, we blame others, the conditions, the past, fortune, god, even the weather.
Why did I start to drink?
I will blame my conditions, growing up in an alcoholic (my dad), paranoiac (mum) and generally difunctional family. I will blame my choices, (that of course, I was ‘forced’ to make), being a prostitute, not finishing my education, falling in love with the wrong person. But the real question is, why didn’t I stop to drink when I had a choice. We can blame our problems with alcohol on everything else, but at the end, we are the ones to blame. No one and nothing actually forces us to give in to alcohol and it’s vicious ways.
Maybe if my childhood was problem free and maybe if I was surrounded by love, money & stability, I wouldn’t be here. Then again, I look at the fellow alcoholic, that has had everything I’ve ever dreamed of and yet, he is sitting on the same bench as I am. Is the alcohol a patch for whatever is lacking in our lives? Or is it just a cover up for our weakness, that would eventually came to the surface this or some other way. Why some of us are weaker than the others? Are we really weaker or are we just lazy?
Wasn’t is easier at school to blame someone else if you got into fight? Blaming lack of completing your homework on a naughty dog was so much simpler. Not delivering on time at work, it’s a currier’s/printer’s/computer’s fault. Life seems simpler with these little lies. Yearning simple makes us lazy. Lazy craves for simple. Having a problem and not facing it, blaming it on something/ someone else makes the problem simplified and results in us becoming more and more resistant to actually dealing with upcoming misfortunes. I pushed the thought of being addicted to alcohol far, far away. It was easy. If I really got too drunk and was embarrassed about it, I blamed it on not eating properly before, alcohol combined with period, even on possibility of my drink being spiked. I got so good at it, that I started believing, that somehow, miraculously, every time I drink, bad things happen to me because the world is just so unfair. Was it the alcohol tricking me into thinking like this? Maybe. Did I allow it? Yes I did. I allowed myself to find every possible excuse to not disturb my habit. I always had my guard up when someone mentioned my relationship with booze. I even pushed people away just to protect these precious tete-a-tete’s with my greatest companion. I laughed it of “Oh you know, being a child of an alcoholic I have only three choices… be unhappy, get married to an alcoholic or become one… so, Cheers! hahaha”.
I don’t want to be this person anymore. I am tired of pushing fault in all directions but my own. I need to own the shame and learn to deal with it. I need to face my problems, like any other adult that doesn’t have a safety net. So, why did I start to drink? Because I’m weak and I was too lazy to confront my weakness. With every day without alcohol I become stronger. Blood that flows through my veins is clearer. My mind is fog free. I believe in myself. Thank you sobriety.
Thank you SR.
Oh yes. I love to blame. Most of us love to blame. We don’t blame ourselves of course, that would be almost immoral towards our egos. No, we blame others, the conditions, the past, fortune, god, even the weather.
Why did I start to drink?
I will blame my conditions, growing up in an alcoholic (my dad), paranoiac (mum) and generally difunctional family. I will blame my choices, (that of course, I was ‘forced’ to make), being a prostitute, not finishing my education, falling in love with the wrong person. But the real question is, why didn’t I stop to drink when I had a choice. We can blame our problems with alcohol on everything else, but at the end, we are the ones to blame. No one and nothing actually forces us to give in to alcohol and it’s vicious ways.
Maybe if my childhood was problem free and maybe if I was surrounded by love, money & stability, I wouldn’t be here. Then again, I look at the fellow alcoholic, that has had everything I’ve ever dreamed of and yet, he is sitting on the same bench as I am. Is the alcohol a patch for whatever is lacking in our lives? Or is it just a cover up for our weakness, that would eventually came to the surface this or some other way. Why some of us are weaker than the others? Are we really weaker or are we just lazy?
Wasn’t is easier at school to blame someone else if you got into fight? Blaming lack of completing your homework on a naughty dog was so much simpler. Not delivering on time at work, it’s a currier’s/printer’s/computer’s fault. Life seems simpler with these little lies. Yearning simple makes us lazy. Lazy craves for simple. Having a problem and not facing it, blaming it on something/ someone else makes the problem simplified and results in us becoming more and more resistant to actually dealing with upcoming misfortunes. I pushed the thought of being addicted to alcohol far, far away. It was easy. If I really got too drunk and was embarrassed about it, I blamed it on not eating properly before, alcohol combined with period, even on possibility of my drink being spiked. I got so good at it, that I started believing, that somehow, miraculously, every time I drink, bad things happen to me because the world is just so unfair. Was it the alcohol tricking me into thinking like this? Maybe. Did I allow it? Yes I did. I allowed myself to find every possible excuse to not disturb my habit. I always had my guard up when someone mentioned my relationship with booze. I even pushed people away just to protect these precious tete-a-tete’s with my greatest companion. I laughed it of “Oh you know, being a child of an alcoholic I have only three choices… be unhappy, get married to an alcoholic or become one… so, Cheers! hahaha”.
I don’t want to be this person anymore. I am tired of pushing fault in all directions but my own. I need to own the shame and learn to deal with it. I need to face my problems, like any other adult that doesn’t have a safety net. So, why did I start to drink? Because I’m weak and I was too lazy to confront my weakness. With every day without alcohol I become stronger. Blood that flows through my veins is clearer. My mind is fog free. I believe in myself. Thank you sobriety.
Thank you SR.
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
Welcome to the world of: Being an Adult.
Isn't so easy is it.
I need to constantly watch my steps and thoughts. That's why touching on a little recovery everyday is important to me. Like you posting this today, and I, replying.
My alcoholism would love to see me regress. However, my recovery is stronger. So, I get deeper and deeper into the adult realm. The deeper I go, the harder it becomes to ignore it and let the child ultimately win.
Isn't so easy is it.
I need to constantly watch my steps and thoughts. That's why touching on a little recovery everyday is important to me. Like you posting this today, and I, replying.
My alcoholism would love to see me regress. However, my recovery is stronger. So, I get deeper and deeper into the adult realm. The deeper I go, the harder it becomes to ignore it and let the child ultimately win.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 318
Wow, this is quite a powerful and thought provoking post!
I played the "blame game" too. I would think things like "I drank because <<whatever>> happened to me today.", and it took a long time for me to finally say to myself "I drank because I chose to drink to hide my problems, instead of choosing a productive way to solve my problems."
I played the "blame game" too. I would think things like "I drank because <<whatever>> happened to me today.", and it took a long time for me to finally say to myself "I drank because I chose to drink to hide my problems, instead of choosing a productive way to solve my problems."
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
you are certainly NOT that person. you are getting wiser each day and more insightful. if you wish to see for yourself how much you have "grown" in your sobriety, go back and read your beginning posts through now...you will be amazed at how far you have come in such a short time.
thank you for your support BTW, I rely on you too to keep me focused on the big picture. I enjoy reading your posts.
thank you for your support BTW, I rely on you too to keep me focused on the big picture. I enjoy reading your posts.
Fighting my Demons
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: London, UK
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by Alizerin 
I need to constantly watch my steps and thoughts. That's why touching on a little recovery everyday is important to me. Like you posting this today, and I, replying.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Hmm personally i was a very sick individual and made choices based on pure insane state of mind (y'know a bit chicken oriental)...i am not that person anymore and i would not make the choices i made in the past today...pretty simple?!
By going to AA and working the steps i was able to see who i was and do something about the past and changing for the better...
By going to AA and working the steps i was able to see who i was and do something about the past and changing for the better...
Fighting my Demons
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: London, UK
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by Fandy
you are certainly NOT that person. you are getting wiser each day and more insightful. if you wish to see for yourself how much you have "grown" in your sobriety, go back and read your beginning posts through now...you will be amazed at how far you have come in such a short time.
thank you for your support BTW, I rely on you too to keep me focused on the big picture. I enjoy reading your posts.
thank you for your support BTW, I rely on you too to keep me focused on the big picture. I enjoy reading your posts.
Yes, it is amazing how with right direction one thoughts and opinions can change. SR is this directing power for me, so thank you again 
Fighting my Demons
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: London, UK
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by Omega10
Wow, this is quite a powerful and thought provoking post!
I played the "blame game" too. I would think things like "I drank because <<whatever>> happened to me today.", and it took a long time for me to finally say to myself "I drank because I chose to drink to hide my problems, instead of choosing a productive way to solve my problems."
I played the "blame game" too. I would think things like "I drank because <<whatever>> happened to me today.", and it took a long time for me to finally say to myself "I drank because I chose to drink to hide my problems, instead of choosing a productive way to solve my problems."
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
EllaBella, thanks for the post!
I agree with you that we all need to take responsibility for our actions. It's easy to blame a difficult childhood or mental illness on our drinking. I think that accepting our part in becoming an alcoholic is necessary in order to begin to recover.
However, I strongly disagree with the words lazy and weak. Alcoholism is not a character defect. It's a disease. I didn't become an alcoholic because I was lazy and weak. I became an alcoholic because it was the only coping mechanism I could manage, at the time. As Maya Angelou says, "You did then what you knew how to do and when you knew better... you did better!"
I agree with you that we all need to take responsibility for our actions. It's easy to blame a difficult childhood or mental illness on our drinking. I think that accepting our part in becoming an alcoholic is necessary in order to begin to recover.
However, I strongly disagree with the words lazy and weak. Alcoholism is not a character defect. It's a disease. I didn't become an alcoholic because I was lazy and weak. I became an alcoholic because it was the only coping mechanism I could manage, at the time. As Maya Angelou says, "You did then what you knew how to do and when you knew better... you did better!"
Fighting my Demons
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: London, UK
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by Anna
EllaBella, thanks for the post!
I agree with you that we all need to take responsibility for our actions. It's easy to blame a difficult childhood or mental illness on our drinking. I think that accepting our part in becoming an alcoholic is necessary in order to begin to recover.
However, I strongly disagree with the words lazy and weak. Alcoholism is not a character defect. It's a disease. I didn't become an alcoholic because I was lazy and weak. I became an alcoholic because it was the only coping mechanism I could manage, at the time. As Maya Angelou says, "You did then what you knew how to do and when you knew better... you did better!"
I agree with you that we all need to take responsibility for our actions. It's easy to blame a difficult childhood or mental illness on our drinking. I think that accepting our part in becoming an alcoholic is necessary in order to begin to recover.
However, I strongly disagree with the words lazy and weak. Alcoholism is not a character defect. It's a disease. I didn't become an alcoholic because I was lazy and weak. I became an alcoholic because it was the only coping mechanism I could manage, at the time. As Maya Angelou says, "You did then what you knew how to do and when you knew better... you did better!"
thank you for your input. I do agree that alcoholism ,of course, is not a character defect. My point was that some of us (me for example) are/were to lazy or weak to face this problem. In the first instance we look for excuses to defend our addiction. Even though in most cases it's alcohol that makes us too weak or too lazy to face our problems, itself being actually the main one. I hope I clarified...
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink
I had no choice when it came to alcohol. Thank God I found the solution in the program of AA.
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
People ask me about my drinking, or lack of it!, from time to time in my life. I tell them why I can't drink alcohol again and that if I did they wouldn't see me again, or if they did they wouldn't recognise me. They get the picture loud and clear pretty quickly. LOL.
I have also been asked what caused me to turn out like I did with alcohol. My response is that nothing really caused it. I would have always been like it regardless of life chances/background etc. I am an alcoholic and alcohol affects my brain differently to nearly all other people. Right from that first drink I was hooked. I drank till blackout from day one at 14. Sooner or later I would have took an alclholic drink and thus became an alclholic eventually. Maybe 20 years later down the line to where i got to at 23 but I still would have been an alcoholic. My mind is just wired to love booze. There is physical/genetic element to it which is born.
I have also been asked what caused me to turn out like I did with alcohol. My response is that nothing really caused it. I would have always been like it regardless of life chances/background etc. I am an alcoholic and alcohol affects my brain differently to nearly all other people. Right from that first drink I was hooked. I drank till blackout from day one at 14. Sooner or later I would have took an alclholic drink and thus became an alclholic eventually. Maybe 20 years later down the line to where i got to at 23 but I still would have been an alcoholic. My mind is just wired to love booze. There is physical/genetic element to it which is born.
Fighting my Demons
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: London, UK
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST
People ask me about my drinking, or lack of it!, from time to time in my life. I tell them why I can't drink alcohol again and that if I did they wouldn't see me again, or if they did they wouldn't recognise me. They get the picture loud and clear pretty quickly. LOL.
I have also been asked what caused me to turn out like I did with alcohol. My response is that nothing really caused it. I would have always been like it regardless of life chances/background etc. I am an alcoholic and alcohol affects my brain differently to nearly all other people. Right from that first drink I was hooked. I drank till blackout from day one at 14. Sooner or later I would have took an alclholic drink and thus became an alclholic eventually. Maybe 20 years later down the line to where i got to at 23 but I still would have been an alcoholic. My mind is just wired to love booze. There is physical/genetic element to it which is born.
I have also been asked what caused me to turn out like I did with alcohol. My response is that nothing really caused it. I would have always been like it regardless of life chances/background etc. I am an alcoholic and alcohol affects my brain differently to nearly all other people. Right from that first drink I was hooked. I drank till blackout from day one at 14. Sooner or later I would have took an alclholic drink and thus became an alclholic eventually. Maybe 20 years later down the line to where i got to at 23 but I still would have been an alcoholic. My mind is just wired to love booze. There is physical/genetic element to it which is born.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi Ella,
There is a lot of info about the genetic link in the book Beyond the Influence by Katherine Ketchum and William Asbury.
I believe I was an alcoholic before I ever took my first drink.
There is a lot of info about the genetic link in the book Beyond the Influence by Katherine Ketchum and William Asbury.
I believe I was an alcoholic before I ever took my first drink.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
My recovery started the day I started to take responsibility for myself and my actions I think
I get where you're going with the lazy and weak stuff Ella. I felt I was both - to the core.
Maybe it's semantics LOL but if recovery shown me anything, it's that I'm actually neither - I was simply addicted, I was deeply in denial, and my perception and my priorities were skewed
D
D
I get where you're going with the lazy and weak stuff Ella. I felt I was both - to the core.
Maybe it's semantics LOL but if recovery shown me anything, it's that I'm actually neither - I was simply addicted, I was deeply in denial, and my perception and my priorities were skewed
D
D
Fighting my Demons
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: London, UK
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by Dee74
My recovery started the day I started to take responsibility for myself and my actions I think
I get where you're going with the lazy and weak stuff Ella. I felt I was both - to the core.
Maybe it's semantics LOL but if recovery shown me anything, it's that I'm actually neither - I was simply addicted, I was deeply in denial, and my perception and my priorities were skewed
D
D
I get where you're going with the lazy and weak stuff Ella. I felt I was both - to the core.
Maybe it's semantics LOL but if recovery shown me anything, it's that I'm actually neither - I was simply addicted, I was deeply in denial, and my perception and my priorities were skewed
D
D
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