Husband's Anger
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Kingsport Tennessee
Posts: 3
Husband's Anger
I just wanted to get a little insight on my husband and my situation. I'll do a little bit of quick background first though... just in a nut shell.
My husband and I met in a factory that we were both working in. He asked me one day if I wanted a Lortab, and I said no, that I hated pills and didnt do them. Ive had my own experiences with them in the past, before I met my husband. I dont want to say that I should have known better, or that I screwed up, because I dont feel like I did. We dated for a long time, he said he no longer did them, we moved in together with my son who was 3 at the time. He had been doing pills the whole time, but I was too stupid to realize it. We were both working, making great money. Then I lost my job. We should have been fine, at the time we just had basic bills, we should still have been pretty well off, but we werent. We lost everything we had, and very quickly, we lost our home, and had to move in with my mother. He said he had quit again. I went to my dad's house in FL, cam back and he said he had done them while I was gone, and all hell broke lose. Argued argued, found out I was pregnant, argued some more, told him I could live better off of welfare than I could with him supporting us. Argued some more, had our youngest son. Husband snorted pills daily with his crack head cousin in my hospital room's bathroom. Snorted all of my pills the doctor gave me after I had the baby and was sent home. I called my husbands work and told hr that he wasnt going to be comming into work, he was going to rehab. Which he never did, but he did quit. And this time for about a year.
I got a good job doing collections, making deicent money, husband stayed at home and watched the kids. I didnt tell him, but I wanted him to stay home so I could keep an eye on him. Eventually with alot of changes at work, all bad, we both decided it was time for him to start working again. I'll be damned, if the first job he has had in almost 2 years, if he didnt go in there and start right back up! He quit his job, he was spending 50-100 dollars a day on his habbit, but where it was income tax time, I didnt really notice the money being gone. When I DID start to notice, 200, or 300 dollars being taken out of the atm, It clicked. I went back to my old routine, of checking everything, checking times and places, searching the house. Sickening.
He gave me his sob story about how much he really cared about me and our kids, the same old crap. Went through his withdrawals. Then found another job............... the same job he had worked at when things got so bad a couple years ago. Now onto the recient.
Money is tight here.... very very VERY tight. A couple days ago he asked me for 5 dollars for a joint, and I told him I didnt have it to give him. And he went insane. A few minutes later I was trying to get my son to pick up some papers the right way, my 7 year old, and my husband stormed into the kitchen with us, with his face blood red, and screamed like a dying panther at him. He kept pointing his finger in his face and yelling. I was furious! I told him that the baby might not remember the things that he does, but that the oldest would! After the kids went to bed I escaped to my mom's house for a little peace. His up and down mood swings continued. One minute saying he was sorry for being a dick, the next calling me a **** and a bitch. This morning I woke up a little late, so I was rushing to get the oldest ready for school. While the husband, of course, laid in bed and did nothing. We had our clean laundry in the car, since our washer broke and we cant afford another one. Husband asked me, while still in bed if I could go outside and get him a pair of underware. I told him I had alot to do atm, and asked him if he could go out there and get them. He started yelling, and I said okay, I would go get them if he would change the baby's diaper and wash his bottle. Husband got up and went to the kitchen. Then blew. He started shaking the doors to the fridge, knocking everything down on top of it, screamed forget it he just wouldnt go to work, then went in the bedroom, slammed the door and got back in bed. Keep in mind this 8 dollar an hour job is all we have, and he's only been working there for 4 days. I went in the bedroom, and jerked the blanket off of him and told him to get up. He shoved me out of the room and slammed the door. So I said whatever and continued my rushed morning routine, I didnt have time to argue with him. After I got done with everything, I went out and got him his underware, and put them on the bed. It was 10 min. till he had to be at work. He walked my oldest down to the school, because we have no gas, since he used it all driving to his friends house almost an hour away for a dime(yeah, I dont think it was just a dime either). When he got back home, he said I needed to decide whether I was going to continue being a ****, or not, because if I was, then I needed to just have his stuff packed when he got home. I told him if he felt like I was being a bitch that I was sorry, that I wasnt trying to be, and that chances were, I was going to continue to be, and for him to pack his own crap. He said that he was taking the baby and I said good luck to him. He said I was getting ready to find out what the real world was like. I normally try not to mention anything about drugs when we are arguing, but today I let loose. I said, GREAT! I get to sleep in everyday, snort a bunch of pills, smoke pot! Awesome! Thats when he told me that it was only what I could proove in court, as far as the baby went. He said he was tired of being miserable here, and I told him the only reason he was miserable, was because of the things he had done. He told me again I had 2 choices and stormed out of the house.
........ WHAT THE HELL??????! Are the mood swings assosiated with the pills?? I really dont feel like I'm being a bitch, so.... does that mean he is wrong? Or am I really being a bitch and not realizing it??? Is anyone else going through this ????
My husband and I met in a factory that we were both working in. He asked me one day if I wanted a Lortab, and I said no, that I hated pills and didnt do them. Ive had my own experiences with them in the past, before I met my husband. I dont want to say that I should have known better, or that I screwed up, because I dont feel like I did. We dated for a long time, he said he no longer did them, we moved in together with my son who was 3 at the time. He had been doing pills the whole time, but I was too stupid to realize it. We were both working, making great money. Then I lost my job. We should have been fine, at the time we just had basic bills, we should still have been pretty well off, but we werent. We lost everything we had, and very quickly, we lost our home, and had to move in with my mother. He said he had quit again. I went to my dad's house in FL, cam back and he said he had done them while I was gone, and all hell broke lose. Argued argued, found out I was pregnant, argued some more, told him I could live better off of welfare than I could with him supporting us. Argued some more, had our youngest son. Husband snorted pills daily with his crack head cousin in my hospital room's bathroom. Snorted all of my pills the doctor gave me after I had the baby and was sent home. I called my husbands work and told hr that he wasnt going to be comming into work, he was going to rehab. Which he never did, but he did quit. And this time for about a year.
I got a good job doing collections, making deicent money, husband stayed at home and watched the kids. I didnt tell him, but I wanted him to stay home so I could keep an eye on him. Eventually with alot of changes at work, all bad, we both decided it was time for him to start working again. I'll be damned, if the first job he has had in almost 2 years, if he didnt go in there and start right back up! He quit his job, he was spending 50-100 dollars a day on his habbit, but where it was income tax time, I didnt really notice the money being gone. When I DID start to notice, 200, or 300 dollars being taken out of the atm, It clicked. I went back to my old routine, of checking everything, checking times and places, searching the house. Sickening.
He gave me his sob story about how much he really cared about me and our kids, the same old crap. Went through his withdrawals. Then found another job............... the same job he had worked at when things got so bad a couple years ago. Now onto the recient.
Money is tight here.... very very VERY tight. A couple days ago he asked me for 5 dollars for a joint, and I told him I didnt have it to give him. And he went insane. A few minutes later I was trying to get my son to pick up some papers the right way, my 7 year old, and my husband stormed into the kitchen with us, with his face blood red, and screamed like a dying panther at him. He kept pointing his finger in his face and yelling. I was furious! I told him that the baby might not remember the things that he does, but that the oldest would! After the kids went to bed I escaped to my mom's house for a little peace. His up and down mood swings continued. One minute saying he was sorry for being a dick, the next calling me a **** and a bitch. This morning I woke up a little late, so I was rushing to get the oldest ready for school. While the husband, of course, laid in bed and did nothing. We had our clean laundry in the car, since our washer broke and we cant afford another one. Husband asked me, while still in bed if I could go outside and get him a pair of underware. I told him I had alot to do atm, and asked him if he could go out there and get them. He started yelling, and I said okay, I would go get them if he would change the baby's diaper and wash his bottle. Husband got up and went to the kitchen. Then blew. He started shaking the doors to the fridge, knocking everything down on top of it, screamed forget it he just wouldnt go to work, then went in the bedroom, slammed the door and got back in bed. Keep in mind this 8 dollar an hour job is all we have, and he's only been working there for 4 days. I went in the bedroom, and jerked the blanket off of him and told him to get up. He shoved me out of the room and slammed the door. So I said whatever and continued my rushed morning routine, I didnt have time to argue with him. After I got done with everything, I went out and got him his underware, and put them on the bed. It was 10 min. till he had to be at work. He walked my oldest down to the school, because we have no gas, since he used it all driving to his friends house almost an hour away for a dime(yeah, I dont think it was just a dime either). When he got back home, he said I needed to decide whether I was going to continue being a ****, or not, because if I was, then I needed to just have his stuff packed when he got home. I told him if he felt like I was being a bitch that I was sorry, that I wasnt trying to be, and that chances were, I was going to continue to be, and for him to pack his own crap. He said that he was taking the baby and I said good luck to him. He said I was getting ready to find out what the real world was like. I normally try not to mention anything about drugs when we are arguing, but today I let loose. I said, GREAT! I get to sleep in everyday, snort a bunch of pills, smoke pot! Awesome! Thats when he told me that it was only what I could proove in court, as far as the baby went. He said he was tired of being miserable here, and I told him the only reason he was miserable, was because of the things he had done. He told me again I had 2 choices and stormed out of the house.
........ WHAT THE HELL??????! Are the mood swings assosiated with the pills?? I really dont feel like I'm being a bitch, so.... does that mean he is wrong? Or am I really being a bitch and not realizing it??? Is anyone else going through this ????
Last edited by cece1960; 02-25-2010 at 09:33 AM.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
While not there, its ahrd to comment on how you were acting. However, I can say YES the mood swings are related to the pills and withdrawal and it really sounds like he's projecting his anger on you.
In my experience anytime they dont get their way and we dont do exactly what they want we will be called mean a b*&^* and anything else they can think of.
The kids do remember, Kids as young as 2 and 3 will tell you a year later about something that happened and babies, IMO remember subconciously and feel uncomfortable in situations. My children at toddler age would start having behavioral problems at school as soon as tension in the home was felt, they pick up on everything.
I wanted to add from my experience as well as much reading they often threaten with taking the kids ect, very rarely are they able to achieve custody of the kids, usually eventually there patterns speak for themselves.
In my experience anytime they dont get their way and we dont do exactly what they want we will be called mean a b*&^* and anything else they can think of.
The kids do remember, Kids as young as 2 and 3 will tell you a year later about something that happened and babies, IMO remember subconciously and feel uncomfortable in situations. My children at toddler age would start having behavioral problems at school as soon as tension in the home was felt, they pick up on everything.
I wanted to add from my experience as well as much reading they often threaten with taking the kids ect, very rarely are they able to achieve custody of the kids, usually eventually there patterns speak for themselves.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
HI MAISY, WELCOME TO SR.
sorry about all you are going through but i'm glad you are reaching out here. i'm a recovering addict with a few yrs clean and now a widow after 24yrs of what you are going through right now. everyone involved with addiction is effected, even your kids, no matter how young or old. you have to protect you and your kids.
i'm sorry to say but until your husband seek help for himself, his addiction and his behavior WILL continue to get progressively worse and until you began to focus more on you and how you can make life better for yourself and children, you will began to feel like you are losing your sanity, you'll lose yourself.
his behavior is typical of an addict and like i said, it does get worse. none of this is your fault and there is nothing you can do or say that will convince him to treat you better, stop using or seek help for himself.
after 21yrs of my husband's bad choices and behavior, i HAD to separate myself and our 7 kids. trying to live with someone else's addiction was literally driving me insane. all the detective work and trying to monitor his drug use is crazy making.
no, you are not being a b****, you are not being unreasonable, you deserve to be treated better but unfortunately your husband can not do this for you right now. you are not alone here, we all love someone who is addicted to something and is here to support each other.
read as much as you can, check out the stickies at the top of the forum page, in particular, "what addicts do", learn all you can, post as much as you like and search your area for alanon or naranon f2f support groups for other families like yours and began attending as many meetings as possible. KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME FOR HIS CHOICES. THEY HAVE NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH YOU. addicts blame everything and everyone for their addictions, in doing that, they don't have to look at themselves which also keeps them stuck doing what they do.
for me, it took for my family to walk away and allow me to fall as low as i chose to fall before i could see for myself how destructive and out of control my life had become. hitting that bottom is what drove me in to being desperate to seek help for myself, and fight to stay clean. you CAN'T DO THIS FOR HIM. hope this makes sense.
you and your family are in my prayers.
sorry about all you are going through but i'm glad you are reaching out here. i'm a recovering addict with a few yrs clean and now a widow after 24yrs of what you are going through right now. everyone involved with addiction is effected, even your kids, no matter how young or old. you have to protect you and your kids.
i'm sorry to say but until your husband seek help for himself, his addiction and his behavior WILL continue to get progressively worse and until you began to focus more on you and how you can make life better for yourself and children, you will began to feel like you are losing your sanity, you'll lose yourself.
his behavior is typical of an addict and like i said, it does get worse. none of this is your fault and there is nothing you can do or say that will convince him to treat you better, stop using or seek help for himself.
after 21yrs of my husband's bad choices and behavior, i HAD to separate myself and our 7 kids. trying to live with someone else's addiction was literally driving me insane. all the detective work and trying to monitor his drug use is crazy making.
no, you are not being a b****, you are not being unreasonable, you deserve to be treated better but unfortunately your husband can not do this for you right now. you are not alone here, we all love someone who is addicted to something and is here to support each other.
read as much as you can, check out the stickies at the top of the forum page, in particular, "what addicts do", learn all you can, post as much as you like and search your area for alanon or naranon f2f support groups for other families like yours and began attending as many meetings as possible. KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME FOR HIS CHOICES. THEY HAVE NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH YOU. addicts blame everything and everyone for their addictions, in doing that, they don't have to look at themselves which also keeps them stuck doing what they do.
for me, it took for my family to walk away and allow me to fall as low as i chose to fall before i could see for myself how destructive and out of control my life had become. hitting that bottom is what drove me in to being desperate to seek help for myself, and fight to stay clean. you CAN'T DO THIS FOR HIM. hope this makes sense.
you and your family are in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 512
but he did quit. And this time for about a year.
nah, he was doing it all along...fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me?
Run! Yes the propensity for violence is incredible. I won't go into specifics because it is a painful part of my past with my late ABF, and I need to heal. But your children are involved...could you go to a shelter? There will be no keeping him out of the house, he'll break in, damage things, slash tires on your car so you can't go anywhere. It may be time for YOU to go underground...to safety. You are living with a sick person. An unpredictable addict. You are in my prayers.
nah, he was doing it all along...fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me?
Run! Yes the propensity for violence is incredible. I won't go into specifics because it is a painful part of my past with my late ABF, and I need to heal. But your children are involved...could you go to a shelter? There will be no keeping him out of the house, he'll break in, damage things, slash tires on your car so you can't go anywhere. It may be time for YOU to go underground...to safety. You are living with a sick person. An unpredictable addict. You are in my prayers.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Kingsport Tennessee
Posts: 3
Well, he just came home on his lunch break, and I guess everything is fine? He even kissed my toe where I got it cut this morning? He really is trying this time. He was the one who came to me and told me he wanted to quit. And so far he is doing really well... I think its just where everything is still so fresh, I mean its literally been maybe 2 weeks, maybe 3. Sobriety isnt just hard on him though, its hard on all of us.
And Im not going into a shelter. If it ever did get to the point I thought we were in danger, I would just go to my mothers. Im not going to be giving up on him anytime soon. Our little family has been through alot, and we've always stuck together... we'll just have to take this one step at a time.
Hopefully the mood swings will go away soon... After he had quit the first time for that 2 yearish period, it got alot worse before it got better. And I think that things will get better, it just sucks the big one in the mean time. I appreciate ya'lls responses. Its frustrating, because I dont really have alot of people to talk to. The only person I talk to about this sort of stuff is my sister, and she lives in Fl, and is a social butterfly, ha ha, so she doesnt have a whole lot of time. As for telling my mom, and other family, bleh, I dont think so. For starters, she was the one selling him pills behind my back the first time, when it got so bad before. Second, because I dont really want to hear what she has to say about it. Thats a long story in itself.
Anyways, I appreciate the responses guys. =) Thanks.
Ah, and as far as husband being violent, slashing tires, breaking in etc., he's only tried to get violent maybe twice, and that was just shoving. etc. If he ever did, all I have to say to him is Good Luck. I know that you all dont know me, but trust me when I say, he would quickly regret it for the rest of his short, very short, life.
And Im not going into a shelter. If it ever did get to the point I thought we were in danger, I would just go to my mothers. Im not going to be giving up on him anytime soon. Our little family has been through alot, and we've always stuck together... we'll just have to take this one step at a time.
Hopefully the mood swings will go away soon... After he had quit the first time for that 2 yearish period, it got alot worse before it got better. And I think that things will get better, it just sucks the big one in the mean time. I appreciate ya'lls responses. Its frustrating, because I dont really have alot of people to talk to. The only person I talk to about this sort of stuff is my sister, and she lives in Fl, and is a social butterfly, ha ha, so she doesnt have a whole lot of time. As for telling my mom, and other family, bleh, I dont think so. For starters, she was the one selling him pills behind my back the first time, when it got so bad before. Second, because I dont really want to hear what she has to say about it. Thats a long story in itself.
Anyways, I appreciate the responses guys. =) Thanks.
Ah, and as far as husband being violent, slashing tires, breaking in etc., he's only tried to get violent maybe twice, and that was just shoving. etc. If he ever did, all I have to say to him is Good Luck. I know that you all dont know me, but trust me when I say, he would quickly regret it for the rest of his short, very short, life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by maisy4444 
Is anyone else going through this ????
If/when things get worse and you're ready for help, please come back because we'll be here. Best wishes to you and your family.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Well, he just came home on his lunch break, and I guess everything is fine? He even kissed my toe where I got it cut this morning? He really is trying this time. He was the one who came to me and told me he wanted to quit. And so far he is doing really well... I think its just where everything is still so fresh, I mean its literally been maybe 2 weeks, maybe 3. Sobriety isnt just hard on him though, its hard on all of us.
And Im not going into a shelter. If it ever did get to the point I thought we were in danger, I would just go to my mothers. Im not going to be giving up on him anytime soon. Our little family has been through alot, and we've always stuck together... we'll just have to take this one step at a time.
Hopefully the mood swings will go away soon... After he had quit the first time for that 2 yearish period, it got alot worse before it got better. And I think that things will get better, it just sucks the big one in the mean time. I appreciate ya'lls responses. Its frustrating, because I dont really have alot of people to talk to. The only person I talk to about this sort of stuff is my sister, and she lives in Fl, and is a social butterfly, ha ha, so she doesnt have a whole lot of time. As for telling my mom, and other family, bleh, I dont think so. For starters, she was the one selling him pills behind my back the first time, when it got so bad before. Second, because I dont really want to hear what she has to say about it. Thats a long story in itself.
Anyways, I appreciate the responses guys. =) Thanks.
Ah, and as far as husband being violent, slashing tires, breaking in etc., he's only tried to get violent maybe twice, and that was just shoving. etc. If he ever did, all I have to say to him is Good Luck. I know that you all dont know me, but trust me when I say, he would quickly regret it for the rest of his short, very short, life.
And Im not going into a shelter. If it ever did get to the point I thought we were in danger, I would just go to my mothers. Im not going to be giving up on him anytime soon. Our little family has been through alot, and we've always stuck together... we'll just have to take this one step at a time.
Hopefully the mood swings will go away soon... After he had quit the first time for that 2 yearish period, it got alot worse before it got better. And I think that things will get better, it just sucks the big one in the mean time. I appreciate ya'lls responses. Its frustrating, because I dont really have alot of people to talk to. The only person I talk to about this sort of stuff is my sister, and she lives in Fl, and is a social butterfly, ha ha, so she doesnt have a whole lot of time. As for telling my mom, and other family, bleh, I dont think so. For starters, she was the one selling him pills behind my back the first time, when it got so bad before. Second, because I dont really want to hear what she has to say about it. Thats a long story in itself.
Anyways, I appreciate the responses guys. =) Thanks.
Ah, and as far as husband being violent, slashing tires, breaking in etc., he's only tried to get violent maybe twice, and that was just shoving. etc. If he ever did, all I have to say to him is Good Luck. I know that you all dont know me, but trust me when I say, he would quickly regret it for the rest of his short, very short, life.
When I met my husband he was the kindest sweetest soul in the world. I swore he wouldnt become like the others Id read about. January 2007 I wrote a post called when the bough breaks everything falls. And that was after for teh first time ever, getting shoved, just slightly falling against the stove and being told I did it on purpose and I was mean for wanting to leave. I think I left 4 months that time. When I went back I never would have believed three years later Id have a restraining order against him for myself and the kids, as well as countless broken doors and nightmares to sadly replay in my and my childrens heads. My knowing he didnt want to live that way has hurt my children so badly and all I can do is work on fixing it now.
One thing I do want to share is, even if you never go to a shelter but you decide you feel it might be good to go to your moms for an hour, a day a week, do yourself a favor, check in at a shelter or similar agency and then go to your moms, why? It establishes a pattern of fear, feeling unsafe, whatever and some day that paper trail my benefit you and your children more than you can ever imagine.
Un fortuantely one thing Ive learned is echoed through almost every self help site online and It never sunk in, that is 1.) someone on substances, any substance can in a second become unpredictable and dangerous, 2.) If violence happens once, it too gets easier to happen again, progressively worse and harder to walk away from. 3.) Pushing, shoving, holding still, blocking the door, yelling in a threatening manner, throwing things, kicking the wall, breaking something, even as minor as a coffee mug in ones hand-all is violence! 4.) Like everyone says really if Nothing Changes then Nothing Changes-that was my hardest lesson to learn.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Hi Maisy. Welcome. We are doomed to repeat the past until we learn from it. I feel bad for your children that they are being exposed to this lifestyle.
I understand money is tight for you since your husband has a hard time maintaining steady jobs and tends to spend most of your money on drugs, but have you thought about sticking some away for a rainy day - in a place that your husband doesn't have access to? Even if it's 5 or 10 a paycheck. It's better than buying him drugs with it.
I found that it never hurts to have a back up plan. Even if we are sure that we will never need to use it. (Kind of like being prepared for a natural disaster that we really don't think will ever happen.) Drug addiction is progressive and so is violence - in most cases. So maybe you don't think it's that bad now (but wow, I wouldn't want to live in your shoes - you don't have to live that way if you don't want too. Most people don't.) Anyway, even if it never gets bad enough that you want to leave, at least if you put money away in an emergency fund, you could take your kids to disney world or something a few years from now.
And you'll also have the security you need to make a life for yourself away from your abusive, drug addicted husband should you choose to.
Also, please be careful leaving your son with a pill addict for daycare. Sometimes pill addicts just "nod off". addicts don't mean too but when they are sleeping, they aren't doing a very good job of taking care of the children. And bad things can happen.
And the thing is, if he's pushing you around, he's probably pushing the kids around when you aren't there, but they probably wouldn't push back like you do because they aren't as big as you.
I understand money is tight for you since your husband has a hard time maintaining steady jobs and tends to spend most of your money on drugs, but have you thought about sticking some away for a rainy day - in a place that your husband doesn't have access to? Even if it's 5 or 10 a paycheck. It's better than buying him drugs with it.
I found that it never hurts to have a back up plan. Even if we are sure that we will never need to use it. (Kind of like being prepared for a natural disaster that we really don't think will ever happen.) Drug addiction is progressive and so is violence - in most cases. So maybe you don't think it's that bad now (but wow, I wouldn't want to live in your shoes - you don't have to live that way if you don't want too. Most people don't.) Anyway, even if it never gets bad enough that you want to leave, at least if you put money away in an emergency fund, you could take your kids to disney world or something a few years from now.
And you'll also have the security you need to make a life for yourself away from your abusive, drug addicted husband should you choose to.
Also, please be careful leaving your son with a pill addict for daycare. Sometimes pill addicts just "nod off". addicts don't mean too but when they are sleeping, they aren't doing a very good job of taking care of the children. And bad things can happen.
And the thing is, if he's pushing you around, he's probably pushing the kids around when you aren't there, but they probably wouldn't push back like you do because they aren't as big as you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Kingsport Tennessee
Posts: 3
My gosh, not every addict is scum of the earth guys, or is a violent, or incoherent, or terrible person. Not everyone's situation is going to be just like yours. I've been reading what you all have been saying about him, and its so off. Your assuming the worst possible scenario, and that's just not how it is. Its actually making me a little angry, and regretful for coming here, because you already have this stereotypical image of him as a cracked out loser, from your own personal experiences with your loved ones. Believe me when I say, that when its bad, its bad, and when its good its great. Im not trying to deny that. I'm not trying to defend him on the things he actually does. But my gosh, I am appalled at the image you all have. Have you ever given anyone the benefit of the doubt?
:wtf2
:wtf2
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,915
With all due respect, maisy, the only image we have of your husband is the one you painted in your initial post. You asked for insight and that's what we gave you. If you want to stay with him, stay. No one here is living your life except you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I know I lived in denial for a long time that the crack smoking BF and father of my son was 'not scum of the earth.'
On paper, he sounded almost as mean and nasty as YOUR description of your husband. Not quite but close. But still I stayed. I was in serious denial.
The family members of addicts can become as sick as the addicts themselves. There is a reason they call it a "family disease." Al-anon is a great face to face option for you.
On paper, he sounded almost as mean and nasty as YOUR description of your husband. Not quite but close. But still I stayed. I was in serious denial.
The family members of addicts can become as sick as the addicts themselves. There is a reason they call it a "family disease." Al-anon is a great face to face option for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Believe me when I say, that when its bad, its bad, and when its good its great. Im not trying to deny that. I'm not trying to defend him on the things he actually does. But my gosh, I am appalled at the image you all have. Have you ever given anyone the benefit of the doubt?
The sad fact is if they dont 100% quit, they do progress at different rates but they do progress. He's been violent..he's shoved you, he's taken the last amount of money at one time for selfish use.
When my husband is good he dotes on me head to toe constantly, sadly as time goes on those times lessen and the bad increases, sure it could stop for months a year but if not committed to recovery it returns.
Truth of fact is addicts and alcoholics end up in recovery, in institutions or dead, there is no other alternatives.
Another truth is most childrens raised in these home, end up as adults in similar homes whether addict or loving an addict, abuser or the abused.
So many times when I tried to leave my sponsor acknowledged the reason it was so hard was because the good was great, but is that enough? 4 days before I requested and was approved an injunction from Domestic violence, was one of those great days catered to everything and everyone, but that didnt change the fact that at 4 pm the following day he bought dope while leaving his young son alone in the house and going for a walk....how great was that?
I often wonder if wives that are murdered (many altercations of which were NEVER meant to go that far) had a great day with their husband earlier that week?
Guest
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,968
One of the greatest gifts given is the gift of being able to raise a child.
Children do not have a voice in the way that parents behave, they have to
accept their conditions until the discomfort of it gives them a voice. Some
children act out in school, some become mimics of what they see, some
start to numb themselves with relief. It is a responsibility that we as parents
must pay attention to all the time. We cannot hope that they don't remember
the bad that they see and do not understand.
Being a child myself of a substance abusive parent , I thought that acting out
what I saw was normal in every household. Dad being angry and breaking things,
beating my mom into unconsciousness, hiding under the bed hoping that I would
not be next, being hungry and at one point being an object of a sexual encounter.
Progression is a powerful word..understand it not only for drugs but with acceptance
that is not part of a normal routine for yourself or for children. Conditioning ones
children that poor old dad is really a nice guy does not fit in a child's mind. It
creates fear, co-dependency and lack of respect for the parent that tolerates
it.
Give your children the childhood they deserve, it is your responsibility and it is
your job to make sure this happens for them however you must achieve it.
Please do not take words given here as a hurt or in anger, words given are from
those that have experienced trauma, months and years of healing and from hearts
that can and do feel your pain.
lauren
Children do not have a voice in the way that parents behave, they have to
accept their conditions until the discomfort of it gives them a voice. Some
children act out in school, some become mimics of what they see, some
start to numb themselves with relief. It is a responsibility that we as parents
must pay attention to all the time. We cannot hope that they don't remember
the bad that they see and do not understand.
Being a child myself of a substance abusive parent , I thought that acting out
what I saw was normal in every household. Dad being angry and breaking things,
beating my mom into unconsciousness, hiding under the bed hoping that I would
not be next, being hungry and at one point being an object of a sexual encounter.
Progression is a powerful word..understand it not only for drugs but with acceptance
that is not part of a normal routine for yourself or for children. Conditioning ones
children that poor old dad is really a nice guy does not fit in a child's mind. It
creates fear, co-dependency and lack of respect for the parent that tolerates
it.
Give your children the childhood they deserve, it is your responsibility and it is
your job to make sure this happens for them however you must achieve it.
Please do not take words given here as a hurt or in anger, words given are from
those that have experienced trauma, months and years of healing and from hearts
that can and do feel your pain.
lauren
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