why is it wrong to be scared
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 139
Probably because they are scared that if you realize that they are close to drinking again, it could be the time you decide to bolt.
I remember about 1.5 years ago when I was with my ABF, I suggested he might be an alcoholic (I knew he was, HE knew he was too) and he completely went off on me.
I remember about 1.5 years ago when I was with my ABF, I suggested he might be an alcoholic (I knew he was, HE knew he was too) and he completely went off on me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: salt lake city utah
Posts: 28
Thank you Elsie... makes sense.
I guess I should have just known he wont understand how I feel... if I ever feel like that again then I need to call a friend or ignore him like I was trying to do... I felt like we were close enough for him to understand and simply say he can understand I am scared and leave it at that... i was wrong. Must be wrong to express your feeling and not once during the talk did I say... he did something wrong I simply said I got that feeling and got scared... I could see him getting irritated if I went at him accusing and yelling but I was calm and said I was scared to tell him even.... who understands it...lol...
I guess I should have just known he wont understand how I feel... if I ever feel like that again then I need to call a friend or ignore him like I was trying to do... I felt like we were close enough for him to understand and simply say he can understand I am scared and leave it at that... i was wrong. Must be wrong to express your feeling and not once during the talk did I say... he did something wrong I simply said I got that feeling and got scared... I could see him getting irritated if I went at him accusing and yelling but I was calm and said I was scared to tell him even.... who understands it...lol...
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
waiting, they live in the Twilight zone. Someone who is not an alcoholic has NO PROBLEM talking about drinks, cutting back for a week or a year or the rest of their life, it's just NOT IMPORTANT. So... this tells you much about how important the drink is for him.... its very sad when a partner doesn't get basic feelings, I am not able to interact well with people who can't see my view and in addition, counter attack me, yell, judge something else, etc.... since I am more selective with the people I allow near me and spend alone the rest of the time my life got better. 
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
Maybe if they are really sober they need to be trusted, and need the past in the past, a clean slate......their actions will earn it.....or not.....As the loved ones we are truly scared which they don't really "get." When trust has been blown, it is hard.....a process.......step one.....
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Anywhere but here...
Posts: 227
The addict in my life was a genius at turning my fears into reality. And he would PUSH all the buttons necessary to start an argument based on MY fears of HIS addiction!
Seriously, how manipulative is that?
Have you had this conversation?
Him: What's wrong?
Me: Nothing
Him: What did I do NOW?
Me: Nothing....
Him: Nothing is always SOMETHING! What did I do now?
Me: Nothing, it's just...its Thursday, you are drunk again...
Him: I'm NOT DRUNK, I'm buzzed. And I'm home, so whats the big deal? Why does this always have to be a big deal? I know, it's all MY fault because I do not meet YOUR standards, and it's always about YOU and YOUR standards...
and the beat goes on ..and on...and on....
It's not my fault, it never was. I have standards, YES, but I compromised them to be with the drunk who has NONE.
The farther I am away from it, the clearer the vision of what my life was, and what it would have been, becomes. I thank the Holy Spirit for taking over and giving me the strength necessary to get the HELL out of that situation. Peace, sanity and my own self worth are more important than HIS standards. He didn't deserve a good woman like me. And someday, that realization will be crystal clear to him!
Stay focused on YOU. Do not give up your dreams or expectations of what you want YOUR life to be. Only you can control your own journey of recovery. He is on his own. We cannot save them, and we cannot hold ourselves responsible for their bad decisions.
Let go, and Let God.
Peace and (((HUGS))) to you!
Seriously, how manipulative is that?
Have you had this conversation?
Him: What's wrong?
Me: Nothing
Him: What did I do NOW?
Me: Nothing....
Him: Nothing is always SOMETHING! What did I do now?
Me: Nothing, it's just...its Thursday, you are drunk again...
Him: I'm NOT DRUNK, I'm buzzed. And I'm home, so whats the big deal? Why does this always have to be a big deal? I know, it's all MY fault because I do not meet YOUR standards, and it's always about YOU and YOUR standards...
and the beat goes on ..and on...and on....
It's not my fault, it never was. I have standards, YES, but I compromised them to be with the drunk who has NONE.
The farther I am away from it, the clearer the vision of what my life was, and what it would have been, becomes. I thank the Holy Spirit for taking over and giving me the strength necessary to get the HELL out of that situation. Peace, sanity and my own self worth are more important than HIS standards. He didn't deserve a good woman like me. And someday, that realization will be crystal clear to him!
Stay focused on YOU. Do not give up your dreams or expectations of what you want YOUR life to be. Only you can control your own journey of recovery. He is on his own. We cannot save them, and we cannot hold ourselves responsible for their bad decisions.
Let go, and Let God.
Peace and (((HUGS))) to you!
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