SadlyLost

Really.. do they have a radar?

I had several GOOD things happen to me this week. Major steps in letting go and moving on. I bought a car, found an apartment (moving on Sunday!) and I guess I am dating 2 guys (nothing serious, but a girl has gotta have some fun, lol). I have potty trained my daughter and while she has her VERY terrible twos days...most days, she is wonderful.

Everything is pointing towards hey, life is getting better.

So of course, he IMs me yesterday... says "I don't know how to get back to real life...and my only true loves, you and our baby girl. I am trying. see you soon."

And now... my emotions are all over the place. This sucks.

wicked

I thought of a song by Evanescense called "Call Me When You're Sober"

"you never call me when you're sober,
you only call me cause it over."

yeah, i would block him, or change your name, i know how it feels like an electrical shock. get your distance.

SadlyLost

Yea...I can block him. He would just create a new name though. He's done it before. I just don't understand why now. It has been 54 days of no contact.. FIFTY FOUR!! without so much as even a phone call to our daughter, and NOW that my $hit is coming together..why? I know he didn't plan it, he has no way of knowing anything that has been going on in my life.

Yes, I didn't fall for it, I won't be stopping everything good cause he contacted me. But my god, did that pull a number on my heart.

teke

sadlylost, just be prepared, this probably won't be the last time this happens, no matter the distance of time. yes i do believe they have some kind of radar.

the longest my ah ever waited to contact me with the "i want to come home" song and dance was after about 2 1/2 yrs. it was like, as soon as i started to get better and the sun began to shine again for me, here he came. just stay strong and stay prepared.

ItsmeAlice

Maybe your HP is telling you something.

I've made some really great changes since splitting with XABF. I've detached from toxic people and blocked them from contact for the most part. I've had some real triumphs, but then there are days when something triggers me. Whether it's my X trying to get around my caller ID or a new acquaintence giving me flashbacks, my emotions are suddenly sent into a storm and I wonder why oh why when I was doing so well.

Well, I think I am doing well, but there is inner work still to be done that I can't move housing to get away from, can't block numbers to avoid, and can't drown out with my job. It's about progress not perfection, right? You bet it is.

When the dust settles and I make some headway on my emotional growth, I am thankful to my HP and the powers that be that such things seem to wait until I'm feeling empowered and strong where I'm at before an emotional skirmish begins instead of always feeling like I'm being kicked while I'm down and out.

Enjoy the spoils of your success and enjoy spoiling your greatest sucess, you're little one! Let these moments be an eye opener into what internal work you can address and in the future when he pops up like a dirty little weed in your garden you will pluck him out and throw him in the bin without feeling all this upheval.

Peace to you!

Alice

SadlyLost

I thought I saw him last week. Near the apt again. I was running out to buy some cat food and litter while my sister watched my baby and I could swear it was him. But I didn't pull over, I didn't stop. The whole time I kept thinking "should I have stopped? could I have actually talked to him?" and driving back, I got all antsy cause I may see him again.

He was gone, which while I was a little disappointed, I was glad. If it was him, he doesn't look like what my Joe looked like anymore. He looked like an addict. So that's why that didn't send me into a tailspin, well plus I wasn't sure it was him. This IM though....ugh..."true loves" really? Grrrrr.

I have done a lot of good...and it's been so hard. There were so many days I did not want to get out of bed, but I did for my daughter. Now, I do it for both of us. My heart is still aching though, cause I still remember how good it was once and just how much he has hurt me and our baby.

SadlyLost

oh crap.

he's doing it again. delete...delete...delete..

coffeedrinker

it does feel like they have radar, i know exactly what you mean. i think there's this internal thing they have that says "don't contact her until she's had a chance to way, way calm down. maybe she'll be missin me"

you done good, girl. just hit "delete" and in case you're wondering: he's not close to sober yet; he might not know it tho

SadlyLost

Thank you coffee. I know he's still using. I can tell even though it is only words on a screen. I only answered once and that was when he asked me how the baby was doing. I said she's doing ok. Then I said (yea, I know..bad) "by the way we are moving"...he asked can you tell me where to? I said, no. Then he just blah blah blah and i didn't reply cause I knew he was trying to hit my buttons emotionally, even if they were words most women would LOVE to hear from their men, but still, those words, whether they be in love or in anger...both will get me nowhere cause he is using. I went invisible...he said more love blah blah and signed off.

*sigh* Now I just want to watch some sappy movie, cry and eat ice cream all day.