So Sick of BS
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 126
So Sick of BS
I get so sick of hearing all the BS!
Tuesday morning I woke up in a great mood, sat down to drink some coffee and play on the computer before my baby got up. Walked past the front window and out of the corner of my eye I saw my husband's truck. After a few seconds I thought maybe he had just pulled in the driveway because he has been known to visit our son sometimes before work. It was still pretty dark so I couldn’t really see if he was in there. I kept thinking he couldn’t possibly be in the house. I had doors locked that he didn't have keys to and the only door he could have come in was the door from the garage into the kitchen where the dogs are. Surely they would have made noise with him coming in and the stairs to my room are in the kitchen so I would have heard them. Well, he was there and asleep on the other side of the house in the guest room. I woke him up and told him he needed to get up and go. I seriously wanted to throw something at his head, but decided to go downstairs to take some deep breaths. I didn't speak to him again except that he was violating boundaries and better not do it again. He apologized and I went on about my day.
I had a big meeting for work and about 20 minutes into the meeting I noticed my phone vibrating. Missed call was from him. I sent him a text to tell him I was in a meeting-was there something he needed. After a series of texts about how he just wanted to talk, that he missed our son, etc. one came over that just said “what about us?” I wrote back, “Wow, not expecting that. Us is something I think we really need to think about and discuss.” That night he called me to say he wanted to talk to me in person to put to rest all my fears. He said he has a lot going on right now. He said there is a very big issue he needs to talk to me about and that is why he needed his distance He said it is something heavy on his mind, but it isn't related to drugs or another woman. He stands firm that he isn't using or sleeping with the girl who lives in the house he is staying at. He also has told me that he has already talked to his family about this big mystery issue. That pisses me off-I'm still married to him and have his son and he can't respect me enough to let me in on his big issue.
So, today we were suppose to have our first mediation to start going over support, the house, custody etc. There was an issue with the meeting place so the mediator was suppose to get back to me to let me know where it was. She was in court all day yesterday so I didn't hear from her. He called me 4 times this morning to find out if I had talked to her. He also said he had a 1:00 appointment that he was going to cut short so he wouldn't miss the mediation. I told him when I talked to her I would let her know he might be a few minutes late. She called and we set up the location and she said she would wait until 2:30 to give him more time to get there. I called to tell him that and he said he needed to reschedule because one of his clients wanted to change their meeting from 4:00 to 3:00 I totally lost it! I knew he was going to do that! If it isn't related to his job (or drugs) than it is always put on the backburner. I told him I wasn't calling the mediator back, he needed to do that himself. She was very understanding, but I wasn't. I totally went off on him about how he has just walked out on us and now won't even sit down to come to some agreement on how we precede. He said he didn't want to separate, he wants to save our marriage, he isn't using or sleeping with anyone, that he has some heavy things going on that he would come talk to me about tonight.
Well guess what? It is 10:00 and haven't heard a word from him. So typical! I don't know why I even bother. I wanted to try and deal with our separation in the most civil way possible, but he is leaving me no choice but to take legal action on my own.
I've set boundaries and no contact just can't be possible with a child and a house and having to sort all that stuff out. I just want to pull my hair out right now!
Tuesday morning I woke up in a great mood, sat down to drink some coffee and play on the computer before my baby got up. Walked past the front window and out of the corner of my eye I saw my husband's truck. After a few seconds I thought maybe he had just pulled in the driveway because he has been known to visit our son sometimes before work. It was still pretty dark so I couldn’t really see if he was in there. I kept thinking he couldn’t possibly be in the house. I had doors locked that he didn't have keys to and the only door he could have come in was the door from the garage into the kitchen where the dogs are. Surely they would have made noise with him coming in and the stairs to my room are in the kitchen so I would have heard them. Well, he was there and asleep on the other side of the house in the guest room. I woke him up and told him he needed to get up and go. I seriously wanted to throw something at his head, but decided to go downstairs to take some deep breaths. I didn't speak to him again except that he was violating boundaries and better not do it again. He apologized and I went on about my day.
I had a big meeting for work and about 20 minutes into the meeting I noticed my phone vibrating. Missed call was from him. I sent him a text to tell him I was in a meeting-was there something he needed. After a series of texts about how he just wanted to talk, that he missed our son, etc. one came over that just said “what about us?” I wrote back, “Wow, not expecting that. Us is something I think we really need to think about and discuss.” That night he called me to say he wanted to talk to me in person to put to rest all my fears. He said he has a lot going on right now. He said there is a very big issue he needs to talk to me about and that is why he needed his distance He said it is something heavy on his mind, but it isn't related to drugs or another woman. He stands firm that he isn't using or sleeping with the girl who lives in the house he is staying at. He also has told me that he has already talked to his family about this big mystery issue. That pisses me off-I'm still married to him and have his son and he can't respect me enough to let me in on his big issue.
So, today we were suppose to have our first mediation to start going over support, the house, custody etc. There was an issue with the meeting place so the mediator was suppose to get back to me to let me know where it was. She was in court all day yesterday so I didn't hear from her. He called me 4 times this morning to find out if I had talked to her. He also said he had a 1:00 appointment that he was going to cut short so he wouldn't miss the mediation. I told him when I talked to her I would let her know he might be a few minutes late. She called and we set up the location and she said she would wait until 2:30 to give him more time to get there. I called to tell him that and he said he needed to reschedule because one of his clients wanted to change their meeting from 4:00 to 3:00 I totally lost it! I knew he was going to do that! If it isn't related to his job (or drugs) than it is always put on the backburner. I told him I wasn't calling the mediator back, he needed to do that himself. She was very understanding, but I wasn't. I totally went off on him about how he has just walked out on us and now won't even sit down to come to some agreement on how we precede. He said he didn't want to separate, he wants to save our marriage, he isn't using or sleeping with anyone, that he has some heavy things going on that he would come talk to me about tonight.
Well guess what? It is 10:00 and haven't heard a word from him. So typical! I don't know why I even bother. I wanted to try and deal with our separation in the most civil way possible, but he is leaving me no choice but to take legal action on my own.
I've set boundaries and no contact just can't be possible with a child and a house and having to sort all that stuff out. I just want to pull my hair out right now!
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
aah1977,
Read the writting on the wall.
He's living with some other woman.
He's got a "big secret" that he's "shared" with everyone but you -- his wife.
He's called off the scheduled meeting, though he espouses to care about getting back with you.
And he didn't show tonight.
Do you need more, after what you've already been through with the marriage that brought you *to* the divorce?
I'm not trying to be harsh, Aah1977...
I recognize *me* in what you're doing.
That's exactly why I feel for you.
Don't waste over 20 years, as I did,
hoping it would get better.
It doesn't.
"When a man shows you who he is,
believe him." Ann Landers
Shalom!
Read the writting on the wall.
He's living with some other woman.
He's got a "big secret" that he's "shared" with everyone but you -- his wife.
He's called off the scheduled meeting, though he espouses to care about getting back with you.
And he didn't show tonight.
Do you need more, after what you've already been through with the marriage that brought you *to* the divorce?
I'm not trying to be harsh, Aah1977...
I recognize *me* in what you're doing.
That's exactly why I feel for you.
Don't waste over 20 years, as I did,
hoping it would get better.
It doesn't.
"When a man shows you who he is,
believe him." Ann Landers
Shalom!
work in progress
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
Oh, you weren't kidding! You did find him in the house too!
Grrrl...I am so sorry you are dealing with this right now. I'm so sorry we're BOTH dealing with this right now.
Keep that chin up...let's just keep moving forward.
And don't pull your hair out! You're gonna need it when Mr. Wonderful comes along.
((((((((( BIG HUGS )))))))))))
Grrrl...I am so sorry you are dealing with this right now. I'm so sorry we're BOTH dealing with this right now.
Keep that chin up...let's just keep moving forward.
And don't pull your hair out! You're gonna need it when Mr. Wonderful comes along.
((((((((( BIG HUGS )))))))))))
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i'm sorry too that you are going through all of this, i agree, no need to pull your hair out. maybe you'll just have to do what you gotta do, try to remember, with all that he's doing/not doing, he's still an addict and is doing what addicts do.
though he says he's not using, his behavior is still that of an addict. there is no reasoning or planning with an addict. his words sounds real good but what are his actions telling you? i know its hard and you want to believe his every word but sometimes thats just not the best thing to do, it causes disappointments. still praying for all of you.
though he says he's not using, his behavior is still that of an addict. there is no reasoning or planning with an addict. his words sounds real good but what are his actions telling you? i know its hard and you want to believe his every word but sometimes thats just not the best thing to do, it causes disappointments. still praying for all of you.
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