Frustration
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 25
Frustration
My severly in denial husband has lost his family, his wife (me), his baby, and his dogs. His work gave him an ultimatum to go to rehab or get out. This is a nightmare, I don't even want to review the details. Any advice about how to relieve the anxiety and panic. I am on the other side of the country with my parents, the baby, and the dogs. I have an attorney working on getting me out of this, but I am very concerned about how this is going to affect my daughter in the future. She is only eight months old, we have been here for almost five months already. Some days are good, some are bad, mostly I feel like a hot mess.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 35
Relax and take it one day at a time. You are no longer exposed to your AH's behavior, and both you and your daughter are in a safe environment. I would highly recommend Alanon. It will help in so many ways, but first, you will (hopefully) come to accept that his actions are his responsibility and you own yours. Try to avoid obsessing about what he may be doing. It really isn't your concern. You must work on getting yourself healthy for yourself and your baby. There will be many bumps in the road - it's not what happends to us that defines us, but how we respond.
I'll keep you in our prayers.
I'll keep you in our prayers.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Rise up.... ugh, I am so sorry for what you are having to face right now...
Breath. I am not an expert by any means, though I am studying to become one
Your daughter is only 8 months old. And she is VERY lucky to have you. I come from a home with 2 emotionally detached parents. Had I had ONE who was emotionally together and really there for me, I feel I would have handled certain things, namely relationships in my life a lot differently since I have grown up.
Of course, he is her father, the only biological father she has. The lack of love that he offers her, will be given to her by you. Trust me, you have enough love to give. You obviously have tremendous strength, though i'm sure at times it doesn't feel like.
Your daughter has her WHOLE life ahead of her. When you think back on the past, isn't it hard to believe ALL of the experiences you have had? All of those that have shaped you? The good, the bad, the one's you'd rather forget, the one's you never want to forget.
She is going to have all of those same experiences to shape her. Most importantly, she will be loved...by you. And that is SOOOOOOOO important, and will make all the difference.
We handle what life throws at us as it comes. In the future, if you feel that counseling will help her, then that is a path you can take. I know that as a little girl, I wish I had more counseling. But I didn't know that then. But I am doing what I need to do now to be happy and successful. She will too, have faith in that.
Sending you massive hugs!
Breath. I am not an expert by any means, though I am studying to become one
Your daughter is only 8 months old. And she is VERY lucky to have you. I come from a home with 2 emotionally detached parents. Had I had ONE who was emotionally together and really there for me, I feel I would have handled certain things, namely relationships in my life a lot differently since I have grown up.
Of course, he is her father, the only biological father she has. The lack of love that he offers her, will be given to her by you. Trust me, you have enough love to give. You obviously have tremendous strength, though i'm sure at times it doesn't feel like.
Your daughter has her WHOLE life ahead of her. When you think back on the past, isn't it hard to believe ALL of the experiences you have had? All of those that have shaped you? The good, the bad, the one's you'd rather forget, the one's you never want to forget.
She is going to have all of those same experiences to shape her. Most importantly, she will be loved...by you. And that is SOOOOOOOO important, and will make all the difference.
We handle what life throws at us as it comes. In the future, if you feel that counseling will help her, then that is a path you can take. I know that as a little girl, I wish I had more counseling. But I didn't know that then. But I am doing what I need to do now to be happy and successful. She will too, have faith in that.
Sending you massive hugs!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
IMO, you're doing the right thing. I am glad you have the support of your family. I suggest Al-Anon. Yoga also taught me deep breathing techniques that can help during times when I feel panic and anxiety. Take care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 25
I have been going to al anon, sometimes hard with the babys' schedule, and working out a lot, which i actually have begun to like, but I make an effort, I have a therapist who knows about addiction who gave me the "Getting them Sober 1&2", have "Courage to Change," and "How Al-Anon works..." sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough. I am very grateful to have found this site, I appreciate the replies I have received already. You are all awesome souls.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the family Riseup!
We're glad you found us. Lots of information and support available to you here 24/7. I find lots of wisdom in the permanent posts (stickies) at the top of this forum. Some of our stories are written there.
I'm glad you and your daughter are with loving family. Take care of yourselves.
Please be gentle with yourself. This is a process you are going through. It will end, but it takes time.
The hot mess, huh? Yes, I have been there. Didn't know if I was coming or going. Most days I chanted to myself: "focus, focus, focus" and take things one moment at a time.
You may be experiencing grief stages right now. The five stages of grief are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. They don't arrive in any particular order, and sometimes they all show up on the same day! The advise that was given to me was this: Feel them. Feel them all. Don't stuff them. Allow them to flow through you and recognize them as part of your journey. I was also advised to get help if I found myself stuck in one of the stages. I laughed through my tears when I heard that last bit! You mean I don't want to stay stuck in depression when I've got more anger and bargaining to experience? It was good advise. Get help when you need it.
We're here to support you.
We're glad you found us. Lots of information and support available to you here 24/7. I find lots of wisdom in the permanent posts (stickies) at the top of this forum. Some of our stories are written there.
I'm glad you and your daughter are with loving family. Take care of yourselves.
Please be gentle with yourself. This is a process you are going through. It will end, but it takes time.
The hot mess, huh? Yes, I have been there. Didn't know if I was coming or going. Most days I chanted to myself: "focus, focus, focus" and take things one moment at a time.
You may be experiencing grief stages right now. The five stages of grief are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. They don't arrive in any particular order, and sometimes they all show up on the same day! The advise that was given to me was this: Feel them. Feel them all. Don't stuff them. Allow them to flow through you and recognize them as part of your journey. I was also advised to get help if I found myself stuck in one of the stages. I laughed through my tears when I heard that last bit! You mean I don't want to stay stuck in depression when I've got more anger and bargaining to experience? It was good advise. Get help when you need it.
We're here to support you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 25
i am sorry you have to deal with this. when i feel i anxious, i try an think of things in smaller chunks. its not always productive to look at the big picture. sometimes, its less stressful to deal with the day instead of the whole thing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 285
Hello
Welcome to SR.
It is a process and us humans can be so darn impatient.
All feelings are valid. i hope you hand around here and read and post.
I have found SR provides me much clarity and support from those who really get it.
Friends and family are great but here I find another layer of support and understanding from those who have actually lived the same experience as you.
Welcome to SR.
It is a process and us humans can be so darn impatient.
All feelings are valid. i hope you hand around here and read and post.
I have found SR provides me much clarity and support from those who really get it.
Friends and family are great but here I find another layer of support and understanding from those who have actually lived the same experience as you.
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