nodaybut2day

Yes, I too am joining the ranks of the frustrated ex-spouses of an alcoholic, who in my case, happens to also be completely narcissistic. There must be something in the air, because for some reason, XAH had to txt me this morning to TELL me to make certain DD didn't sleep while visiting with him, and that if she did, he wanted more time (cause asleep time just isn't good for him).

What followed was a series of txts between XAH and I where I categorically refused to back down, because, well, i did it for over 5 years and I'm done being at his beck and call. I tried to keep calm. I repeated the serenity prayer a few times before answering, but I did respond to his unrealistic demands.

Once DD was dropped off (crying and screaming her head off... ), XAH proceeded to tell me "I'll let you know when you can come back". As in, I'm his child delivery taxi and I exist solely to await his pleasure.

In the end, nothing out of the ordinary happened. The visit was the usual 3.5 hrs, but XAH thought it good to continue to text me during his visit with DD to tell me that my "bull$hit was inacceptable". Methinks he's having a hard time now that his former doormat is telling him how it is. Either that or he was steamed that I spent my day at a tango workshop.

*sigh* When will this be over?!

Chrysalis123

I'm sorry.

If he can't treat you with dignity and a thankful attitude for you helping him out, and you going out of your way, why are you going out of your way?

nodaybut2day

That's a very good question...

I guess right now we're in the No Man's Land right before I serve him with divorce and custody papers. I have to keep faciliating all visitations by him so it "looks good" on me, should this ever end up in a court battle. It won't be for much longer though. My lawyer starts drafting the proceedings on Monday...should take about 10 days for them to be completed and for him to get served. 10 days after that, we go to court to obtain an interim judgment until our final court date.

I guess I'm just trying to tread carefully and not exacerbate things right now, even though i'm itching just to let him have it.

Chrysalis123

Have you run the above idea by your lawyer? I am not a lawyer. It seems to me all you have to do to look good is have the kid all ready for visitation, be on time, and then document each time he is a no show. You should not be doing the transport. If he doesn't show that is his problem not yours. In fact him not showing is saying a lot about his commitment to the baby, and you are taking that away by doing so much. I mean the judge, social workers, and anyone else is going to get a view of how much you value parenting NOT how much he is commited to the kid because you aren't letting his true actions be seen.

You are already looking good by being in the trenches day in and day out with your baby, doing what any devoted mother does. Happy Valentine's Day!