think my dad abuses alcohol.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1
think my dad abuses alcohol.
hello everyone~
i will try to describe what is going on without leaving anything out, hopefully. within the past year i think my dad (who is 66) has become dependent on and abuses alcohol. i'm probably right, but i guess because i don't want it to be true i need to ask others for their opinion as well.
prior to this year i don't remember him drinking anything more than a beer or two before or while making dinner. but now he drinks anywhere from a half to a whole pint of captain morgan, with coke, every day. and it almost always starts around 2/2:30 in the afternoon and end anywhere from 5-7 at night.
however i only remember him being drunk twice. the first time i came home and he'd had too much to drink, and proceeded to go to the bar a bit later. i went to a relative's house and they went and got him, and he definitely cut back and controlled it. the second time was a month or two ago, with me coming home, and he said he'd had to much to drink at his friend's house. but it aggravated me so much that he was drunk, yet still had a drink in his hand.
a lot of the times when he's getting a drink i can hear him cursing and talking to himself saying things like, "nobody gives a **** anymore," over and over and over. i've speculated before that he suffers from some sort of depression, but i really don't know what to do to help him with it. he's lost interest the few things he still enjoyed doing, and rarely bothers with them anymore.
sometimes i'm so disgusted with him. sometimes he drinks and, for the most part, is functional. but other times he is just so sloppy. i have to repeat things i've said multiple times because he forgets, or remind him the next day. or he will constantly be leaning over and have to support himself on the table.
it's frustrating that the one time i did mention his drinking bothering me he excused it because of his back problems. every three months he gets a steroid shot or something similar, but around a month or so before the shot his back starts hurting worse. for a while it seemed like this was true, but one time i remember him coming home from the doctor's and having the same amount of alcohol he did prior to getting treated.
i really don't know what to do. it's hard living with him, because every day when i hear him getting his booze i become so annoyed. it worries me, i get headaches, i can't focus on my school work for college. in the fall i'll be transferring schools and will be 3 1/2 hours away. his problem will be more out of sight/out of mind, but i fear coming home to find everything is a mess, and that his drinking has worsened.
i want my dad to be happy but i don't know how to help him. part of me feels guilty for wanting him to quit, but... maybe if my suspicions are affirmed i will finally work up the courage to confront him about his problems and try to help him with it.
i will try to describe what is going on without leaving anything out, hopefully. within the past year i think my dad (who is 66) has become dependent on and abuses alcohol. i'm probably right, but i guess because i don't want it to be true i need to ask others for their opinion as well.
prior to this year i don't remember him drinking anything more than a beer or two before or while making dinner. but now he drinks anywhere from a half to a whole pint of captain morgan, with coke, every day. and it almost always starts around 2/2:30 in the afternoon and end anywhere from 5-7 at night.
however i only remember him being drunk twice. the first time i came home and he'd had too much to drink, and proceeded to go to the bar a bit later. i went to a relative's house and they went and got him, and he definitely cut back and controlled it. the second time was a month or two ago, with me coming home, and he said he'd had to much to drink at his friend's house. but it aggravated me so much that he was drunk, yet still had a drink in his hand.
a lot of the times when he's getting a drink i can hear him cursing and talking to himself saying things like, "nobody gives a **** anymore," over and over and over. i've speculated before that he suffers from some sort of depression, but i really don't know what to do to help him with it. he's lost interest the few things he still enjoyed doing, and rarely bothers with them anymore.
sometimes i'm so disgusted with him. sometimes he drinks and, for the most part, is functional. but other times he is just so sloppy. i have to repeat things i've said multiple times because he forgets, or remind him the next day. or he will constantly be leaning over and have to support himself on the table.
it's frustrating that the one time i did mention his drinking bothering me he excused it because of his back problems. every three months he gets a steroid shot or something similar, but around a month or so before the shot his back starts hurting worse. for a while it seemed like this was true, but one time i remember him coming home from the doctor's and having the same amount of alcohol he did prior to getting treated.
i really don't know what to do. it's hard living with him, because every day when i hear him getting his booze i become so annoyed. it worries me, i get headaches, i can't focus on my school work for college. in the fall i'll be transferring schools and will be 3 1/2 hours away. his problem will be more out of sight/out of mind, but i fear coming home to find everything is a mess, and that his drinking has worsened.
i want my dad to be happy but i don't know how to help him. part of me feels guilty for wanting him to quit, but... maybe if my suspicions are affirmed i will finally work up the courage to confront him about his problems and try to help him with it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
Welcome to SR. Have you found an al-anon meeting yet? they are so incredibly supportive and filled with people like you who loves someone with an alcohol problem and doesn't know what to do.
You will hear that you didn't cause it, can't control it, and cannot cure it. It's such a simple statement, but your post sounds like you want to help your dad get over his drinking and depression. But you can't. All you can do is take care of yourself and focus on your path in life.
What are you studying?
You will hear that you didn't cause it, can't control it, and cannot cure it. It's such a simple statement, but your post sounds like you want to help your dad get over his drinking and depression. But you can't. All you can do is take care of yourself and focus on your path in life.
What are you studying?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 100
stella27 is right. Take care of yourself. Find an alanon meeting and his behavior will have less and less affect on you. You may even find that as a result of your program, he gets a little better. Don't, however, go to alanon for this reason. If you do it won't work for you.
I am sorry that you are in this situation. I am not an alcoholic but when people speak of their angry fathers, it sometimes reminds me of me. These are times that I truly regret.
I am sorry that you are in this situation. I am not an alcoholic but when people speak of their angry fathers, it sometimes reminds me of me. These are times that I truly regret.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the Sober Recovery family!
Make yourself at home here by reading as posting as needed. The information in our sticky (permanent) posts at the top of this forum may be helpful to you.
You are not alone. We understand what it is like to have a loved one addicted to alcohol.
Make yourself at home here by reading as posting as needed. The information in our sticky (permanent) posts at the top of this forum may be helpful to you.
You are not alone. We understand what it is like to have a loved one addicted to alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
for every non-sober alcoholic, there is an enabler.
it doesn't sound as though (from your one post) you are doing classic enabling things, like getting him out of his consequences, but perhaps this will help give you perspective:
the more other people "do for" the alcoholic, the worse it really is. because why would they ever need to confront the way they're living, when things are working out pretty darn well for them? i would suggest that you don't run errands, don't call his work for him, don't pick up a pint at the liquor store (so he doesn't drive while intoxicated), don't loan him money, don't lie to family or friends about him, etc. allow him to live his life, and you do your very best to live yours. you need distance, both geographically (when you move) and also emotionally. it is in both of your best interests.
to sober/recovery!
it doesn't sound as though (from your one post) you are doing classic enabling things, like getting him out of his consequences, but perhaps this will help give you perspective:
the more other people "do for" the alcoholic, the worse it really is. because why would they ever need to confront the way they're living, when things are working out pretty darn well for them? i would suggest that you don't run errands, don't call his work for him, don't pick up a pint at the liquor store (so he doesn't drive while intoxicated), don't loan him money, don't lie to family or friends about him, etc. allow him to live his life, and you do your very best to live yours. you need distance, both geographically (when you move) and also emotionally. it is in both of your best interests.
to sober/recovery!
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