Time flies
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
Time flies
Hi everyone, I just felt the need to give you an almost 12 month update on how we're all doing.
At the end of the month it's a year since my brother died from chirrosis and other alcohol related things.
In April it will be his 40th birthday, I was wondering to myself how my parents were going to deal with that, it hasn't been a rosy 12 months for them, but it seems the whole family is going on holday! Well, a long weekend break. I can't wait, mum and dad, my aunt (she's my rock!) me and the kids all together Friday till Monday (I've booked the week after off work to recover)
Mum and dad are so excited and serious about enjoying themselves they're putting the dog in kennels, even though we could take him with us. We'll be staying in a cabin in the Lake District at an adventure park, climbing and quadding for the kids and a spa for me!
It may not sound like much but it's massive progress for my parents, they're both retired and they've been mooching around the house for a year doing nothing that doesn't have to be done.
My dad thought he had the beginnings of dementia, wouldn't see the doc, but now he's been had his meds altered and is almost his old self, like the rest of us though he declined counselling.
My brothers estate is still a bit of a mess, but I'm dealing with that one step at a time. His sister in law wont take any legal advice and keeps on telling us what she thinks is right (she's involved cos his wife, her sister died first and she holds some stuff in trust for Joe) but we know she's legally wrong and is going to end up in court with a big bill, but she doesn't want to listen so I guess it's her choice. She's basically taken things that belong to Joe, all we're asking is that she lists them with the things we're holding for him so he knows where they are when he's older, but she insists that as they belong to her family they're hers and she can do as she likes. She did however misunderstand a letter from my solicitor and she put in writing that she agrees to sell my brothers house, so I'm taking her at her word and giving myself one less thing to bother about.
The kids are all doing fine too, I never realised until recently how much my brother affected my own two kids, they never lived with him or were really all that close to him, but they're shining now, all 3 have 100% attendance for the last two terms, good reports and I get cards posted home all the time about different achievements they all have. Joe's behaviour is a bit of a worry at the moment, 3 detentions last week for talking back to teachers and a couple more in the previous weeks. But that's the only worry I have about him, apart from the emotional abuse his other aunt tries on from time to time, but that's another story.
Me? I have 4 weeks out of the next ten booked off work for me time, I had to use my leave or be paid for it, the pay was tempting but the time for me will do me more good I think. I've been working hard, looking after the boys, fending off my brothers nutty sister in law and trying to get his estate sorted. So I'm going to be relaxing and working on me, hopefully making myself look like I really don't need this spa in April and get myself so I'm so relaxed my mum is going to have to scrape me up off the lounger for dinner.
I still miss my brother, he's left a really big hole in my life, however unbearable things were towards the end I still loved him as my baby brother. I've been going to the local spiritualist church for a few months, Joe and my youngest come with me sometimes, Joe's told me that since he's been there he doesn't worry about his mum and dad anymore, he knows now that they'll always be with him.
Thanks for reading, and thanks for being here for me.
At the end of the month it's a year since my brother died from chirrosis and other alcohol related things.
In April it will be his 40th birthday, I was wondering to myself how my parents were going to deal with that, it hasn't been a rosy 12 months for them, but it seems the whole family is going on holday! Well, a long weekend break. I can't wait, mum and dad, my aunt (she's my rock!) me and the kids all together Friday till Monday (I've booked the week after off work to recover)
Mum and dad are so excited and serious about enjoying themselves they're putting the dog in kennels, even though we could take him with us. We'll be staying in a cabin in the Lake District at an adventure park, climbing and quadding for the kids and a spa for me!
It may not sound like much but it's massive progress for my parents, they're both retired and they've been mooching around the house for a year doing nothing that doesn't have to be done.
My dad thought he had the beginnings of dementia, wouldn't see the doc, but now he's been had his meds altered and is almost his old self, like the rest of us though he declined counselling.
My brothers estate is still a bit of a mess, but I'm dealing with that one step at a time. His sister in law wont take any legal advice and keeps on telling us what she thinks is right (she's involved cos his wife, her sister died first and she holds some stuff in trust for Joe) but we know she's legally wrong and is going to end up in court with a big bill, but she doesn't want to listen so I guess it's her choice. She's basically taken things that belong to Joe, all we're asking is that she lists them with the things we're holding for him so he knows where they are when he's older, but she insists that as they belong to her family they're hers and she can do as she likes. She did however misunderstand a letter from my solicitor and she put in writing that she agrees to sell my brothers house, so I'm taking her at her word and giving myself one less thing to bother about.
The kids are all doing fine too, I never realised until recently how much my brother affected my own two kids, they never lived with him or were really all that close to him, but they're shining now, all 3 have 100% attendance for the last two terms, good reports and I get cards posted home all the time about different achievements they all have. Joe's behaviour is a bit of a worry at the moment, 3 detentions last week for talking back to teachers and a couple more in the previous weeks. But that's the only worry I have about him, apart from the emotional abuse his other aunt tries on from time to time, but that's another story.
Me? I have 4 weeks out of the next ten booked off work for me time, I had to use my leave or be paid for it, the pay was tempting but the time for me will do me more good I think. I've been working hard, looking after the boys, fending off my brothers nutty sister in law and trying to get his estate sorted. So I'm going to be relaxing and working on me, hopefully making myself look like I really don't need this spa in April and get myself so I'm so relaxed my mum is going to have to scrape me up off the lounger for dinner.
I still miss my brother, he's left a really big hole in my life, however unbearable things were towards the end I still loved him as my baby brother. I've been going to the local spiritualist church for a few months, Joe and my youngest come with me sometimes, Joe's told me that since he's been there he doesn't worry about his mum and dad anymore, he knows now that they'll always be with him.
Thanks for reading, and thanks for being here for me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Lucy))) - Thanks, so much, for the update!
I'm glad you are taking time for you, and that your parents are also joining in on the long weekend. Grief is a personal thing and we all take our own time, but I do believe that once we get past that "year of first's" it gets just a tiny bit easier to to deal with.
Enjoy your holiday and me time, and have a group hug with the boys from all of us at SR.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm glad you are taking time for you, and that your parents are also joining in on the long weekend. Grief is a personal thing and we all take our own time, but I do believe that once we get past that "year of first's" it gets just a tiny bit easier to to deal with.
Enjoy your holiday and me time, and have a group hug with the boys from all of us at SR.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Hey Lucy-- take me with you!!!!!!!!!
Sounds marvelous - and great that you chose to take that work time for yourself. You won't regret that.
Continued prayers for you and the boys...(((((hugs))))))
peace,
b
Sounds marvelous - and great that you chose to take that work time for yourself. You won't regret that.
Continued prayers for you and the boys...(((((hugs))))))
peace,
b
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Isn't it wonderful to see how much change we can go thru in 12 short months.
(If you don't think 12 months is a short time, hey! Wait til you get up in years.)
I wish you all, a wonderful, happy and relaxing time away; that you are all refreshed in mind and body on your return.
God bless
(If you don't think 12 months is a short time, hey! Wait til you get up in years.)
I wish you all, a wonderful, happy and relaxing time away; that you are all refreshed in mind and body on your return.
God bless
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
I am so happy to hear about your family's growth and healing Lucy. Has it really been almost a year?!
You are a bright star to everyone in your family I am sure. Those boys are lucky to have you and I know that Joe will pass through this phase. How much he must be carrying inside. My love goes out to you, your boys and all your family.
The lakes is a beautiful area, is it centre park that you are visiting? I've seen that on TV and it looks fab!
Enjoy your hols and your time off, lots of love
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
You are a bright star to everyone in your family I am sure. Those boys are lucky to have you and I know that Joe will pass through this phase. How much he must be carrying inside. My love goes out to you, your boys and all your family.
The lakes is a beautiful area, is it centre park that you are visiting? I've seen that on TV and it looks fab!
Enjoy your hols and your time off, lots of love
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
