One Year Approching....is it wrong to email?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 39
One Year Approching....is it wrong to email?
Hello all,
I have come to find such comfort in this site. I think it restores my sanity. There are many days recently where I feel myself wanting to reach out to my ex drug and alcoholic addict. I have not talked to him in three months, and toward the end of the month it will be 3 months since my last text. I hate to say it but I MISS HIM!!!! Today is two weeks that I have had the opportunity to ignore his contact, and I want to hear from him, I don't want to talk to him, I just want something so I know he is living .....I know its crazy. I want him to love me and I know he does, he tells friends, family etc, but I also know its not enough! I realize how unhealthy I sound and I am really working on it. I feel like he is my addiction, like his drug of choice after down Vodka....I know he is no good and something i think just a little bit of him and I can be okay. I know if I reach out to him it will be the same sick cycle as I have been on years past. His aunt told me he got a new number and like a wacko I cried. Why? because he does not want to hear from me? In reality he changed it because he is running from someone anyway...all that to say this....
It's almost a year that he left after stealing from to get drugs on the day he was going to propose to me. He wrote me a letter months later saying he was sorry and that a year from the day he left my house he wanted to come back and present to me a man clean/sober and worthy of my love. Is it wrong to email him and remind him of that night and all the wrong that went into it and ask him if a year later he is where he thought he would be? I am sure there are parts of this that not make sense, but if I tweak it I will delete it. Thank you for any advice
I have come to find such comfort in this site. I think it restores my sanity. There are many days recently where I feel myself wanting to reach out to my ex drug and alcoholic addict. I have not talked to him in three months, and toward the end of the month it will be 3 months since my last text. I hate to say it but I MISS HIM!!!! Today is two weeks that I have had the opportunity to ignore his contact, and I want to hear from him, I don't want to talk to him, I just want something so I know he is living .....I know its crazy. I want him to love me and I know he does, he tells friends, family etc, but I also know its not enough! I realize how unhealthy I sound and I am really working on it. I feel like he is my addiction, like his drug of choice after down Vodka....I know he is no good and something i think just a little bit of him and I can be okay. I know if I reach out to him it will be the same sick cycle as I have been on years past. His aunt told me he got a new number and like a wacko I cried. Why? because he does not want to hear from me? In reality he changed it because he is running from someone anyway...all that to say this....
It's almost a year that he left after stealing from to get drugs on the day he was going to propose to me. He wrote me a letter months later saying he was sorry and that a year from the day he left my house he wanted to come back and present to me a man clean/sober and worthy of my love. Is it wrong to email him and remind him of that night and all the wrong that went into it and ask him if a year later he is where he thought he would be? I am sure there are parts of this that not make sense, but if I tweak it I will delete it. Thank you for any advice
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I agree with Anvilhead. You don't have to solve this by 3 p.m. today do you?
Give yourself time.
When I feel and impulsive reaction stirring in my soul (directed at my AXH), I try to play the tape forward. What are my expectations/motives for this impulsive reaction? How do I expect him to react? What reaction will I actually get? Will the reaction I get solve anything? Will it help or hurt my recovery?
Journaling my feelings here or on paper are sometimes the only action I need to take. Seeing and acknowledging my own feelings serves to keep my power here instead of giving it away.
Give yourself time.
When I feel and impulsive reaction stirring in my soul (directed at my AXH), I try to play the tape forward. What are my expectations/motives for this impulsive reaction? How do I expect him to react? What reaction will I actually get? Will the reaction I get solve anything? Will it help or hurt my recovery?
Journaling my feelings here or on paper are sometimes the only action I need to take. Seeing and acknowledging my own feelings serves to keep my power here instead of giving it away.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
he had the desire to present himself one day as a clean and sober man, one-year sober, and a man worthy of you. he is not that man. it is so sad.
i totally get that you feel like you need some contact, it's like the man is our drug, yes? i remember "needing" mine so desperately that when he did a disapearring act (which meant went back to the life) i questioned (to myself) whether or not i could just have him a little in my life even though he was using. like i could just show up every once in awhile and get a fix. now that i write that, i realize that that's exactly what i did do for awhile, even while i was still married (a no-sex relationship, but still wrong just the same)
sweetheart, you are on the track you are supposed to be on. the pain comes and goes in its intensity. it doesn't last forever. keep coming to s/r
i totally get that you feel like you need some contact, it's like the man is our drug, yes? i remember "needing" mine so desperately that when he did a disapearring act (which meant went back to the life) i questioned (to myself) whether or not i could just have him a little in my life even though he was using. like i could just show up every once in awhile and get a fix. now that i write that, i realize that that's exactly what i did do for awhile, even while i was still married (a no-sex relationship, but still wrong just the same)
sweetheart, you are on the track you are supposed to be on. the pain comes and goes in its intensity. it doesn't last forever. keep coming to s/r
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 512
it's not necessary to remind him of his broken promises. imo it's just lip service. you can never do for him or make him feel like vodka does. ask yourself honestly at the core of you what you want. do you want a man that is sober and worthy of your love. maybe this man isn't the one. the dream dies the hardest
part time member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,910
Is it wrong to email him and remind him of that night and all the wrong that went into it and ask him if a year later he is where he thought he would be?
Stay your own course.:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
I would just recognize that you miss him a lot and keep a journal or vent here. I too miss my RAH but remind myself of what else comes with him. I keep reminding myself that if he was the person I thought he was - he would be contacting me. If he missed me, loved me and wanted to be with me - he would be here. That is how it usually works. So sorry you are going through these feelings - they are b***
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
he had the desire to present himself one day as a clean and sober man, one-year sober, and a man worthy of you. he is not that man. it is so sad.
i totally get that you feel like you need some contact, it's like the man is our drug, yes? i remember "needing" mine so desperately that when he did a disapearring act (which meant went back to the life) i questioned (to myself) whether or not i could just have him a little in my life even though he was using. like i could just show up every once in awhile and get a fix. now that i write that, i realize that that's exactly what i did do for awhile, even while i was still married (a no-sex relationship, but still wrong just the same)
sweetheart, you are on the track you are supposed to be on. the pain comes and goes in its intensity. it doesn't last forever. keep coming to s/r
i totally get that you feel like you need some contact, it's like the man is our drug, yes? i remember "needing" mine so desperately that when he did a disapearring act (which meant went back to the life) i questioned (to myself) whether or not i could just have him a little in my life even though he was using. like i could just show up every once in awhile and get a fix. now that i write that, i realize that that's exactly what i did do for awhile, even while i was still married (a no-sex relationship, but still wrong just the same)
sweetheart, you are on the track you are supposed to be on. the pain comes and goes in its intensity. it doesn't last forever. keep coming to s/r
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