PEPPER881

Hi-

I have notice there are no Naranon meetings in my area... can i go to an alanon meeting or is that just for families dealing with alcholics? I also told my husband that we are doing this 110% or i am going to have to leave, and that things are going to be done my way... ie. none of the same friends ( who participated in drug use with him), no more seperate bank accounts, therapy, meetings...was that the way to go??? or should i have let him set the pace? My husband is a truck driver who worksover the road four days a week so this is going to be hard for us....let me know your thougts on this....Thanks

hello-kitty

Hi. Welcome. Yes you can go to alanon meetings! They will certainly welcome you as you work your recovery.

This is kind of scary. Do you actually want him to have access to your money? Most people here utilize separate bank accounts as a cautionary measure - so that the alcoholic or the addict doesn't have access to money meant to go towards the bills or house payment. I think it would be better to take his name off any bank accounts that you might hold jointly and let him fight his own battles.

As you'll learn in Alanon, you have your own recovery to deal with.

After all, the alcoholism is HIS to own. It's his battle. His choice to deal with it - or not. Not yours. You can't make him stop drinking. You can only draw boundaries for you. You can only control yourself.

Thats where Alanon may help you. It's called detaching.

mrsck09

my AH DOC is Heroin. I got to Alnon meetings as ther is no Narnon in my area. It took me by surprise what alnon is really about working on yourself. Welcome and good luck with your recovery.

PEPPER881

hello-kitty:

he has never taken anything out of our joint accountsbut he has his check directly deposited into his account and would lie about the amount, thats why i thought if i controled the money i could see the money coming in and out and that way i would know the truth and be able to make my decision if i want to leave or stay based on if i could see evidence if he was clean or using.... do u know wht i mean?

hello-kitty

Yes I know what you mean. You have to do what's right for you, but it's alway good to think about what COULD happen if you take away an alcoholics bank account, mix your money with his money in a joint account, give him a debit card and then hope he doesn't use it to get drunk or buy drugs.

If you don't know what the right choice is, what do you think the WISE choice is.

elleymae

I'm new to this as well but from what I've heard, if they want to do it on *their* terms, they're not really surrendering. If they're doing it on your terms, they are more likely to recover.

teke

hi, welcome. i understand why you want a joint account but is there some way you can keep a separate account for you, i hate to say this but one he don't have access to, just in case he decides to use the household moneys for drugs, leaving you scrapping for money for bills and etc. i know he hasn't done it yet, but there is always a YET with addiction.

addiction does get progressively worse and you dont want to be caught off guard, like i've been so many times. its no fun.

your boundaries seems to be in place, make sure you are prepared to follow through with the consequence if he crosses them. another thing, make sure your boundaries are for YOU, because there is nothing you can do or say that will make him stop until he's ready to stop on his own. you and yours are in my prayers.

Insulated

Secure your assets and financially protect yourself. It's going to be a rocky road. Do you have a plan "B" in place?