3 years ago today.. our lives forever changed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
3 years ago today.. our lives forever changed
3 years ago today, I woke up to find a note stuck to my front door requesting that I call the medical examiner. My mind started to flood with terrifying thoughts of my worst fears. I called and find out that my husband of many years had died suddenly in a jail cell serving time for his first DUI - just an mere hour before he was to be released.
I returned to Sober Recovery today because of these past memories on the 3rd anniversary of his death. This forum had helped me for years to understand this baffling and horrific affliction called alcoholism, an addiction that destroys so many lives both emotionally ..and physically. My husband had still been in our lives almost everyday, but we had not lived together for several years since I could no longer let him destroy 3 more lives while he was destroying his own.
3 years ago, my husband had been losing his battle with alcoholism and had developed many alcohol related illnesses... and had just recently been diagnosed with severe liver disease. Sadly I knew his time on this earth was coming to an end, and at this point, I also knew there was nothing anyone could say or do that could stop his self destruction. I had not expected his life to end so abruptly in a jail cell ... but that was how his tortured journey ended. Telling his teenage sons their father, once a proud and accomplished man, had died in a jail cell was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
And 3 years ago today.. our lives forever changed. Someone whose life had so much potential, had accomplished so many positive things, that had been so strong, smart and hard working ... had instead had left behind a legacy of a pain, self destruction and chaos.
My husband left our family shattered and heartbroken and now slowly moving on with our lives ... yet forever wondering why, with all the devastating pain and sorrow, he was unable to break free from this powerful and deadly addiction.
His sons are left knowing that if their father had made different choices he would still be in their lives today, cheering them on with all their accomplishments, their straight A’s in college and our oldest son’s entry into law school - things he would have been so proud of. So that his death would not be in vain, his sons, now understanding how deadly and insidious alcohol abuse can be, have vowed never to repeat their father’s mistakes.
Today, we are missing the man he used to be ... and hoping that this destructive, tragic addiction will never harm our family again ... because, 3 years ago today, our lives were transformed and forever changed.
I returned to Sober Recovery today because of these past memories on the 3rd anniversary of his death. This forum had helped me for years to understand this baffling and horrific affliction called alcoholism, an addiction that destroys so many lives both emotionally ..and physically. My husband had still been in our lives almost everyday, but we had not lived together for several years since I could no longer let him destroy 3 more lives while he was destroying his own.
3 years ago, my husband had been losing his battle with alcoholism and had developed many alcohol related illnesses... and had just recently been diagnosed with severe liver disease. Sadly I knew his time on this earth was coming to an end, and at this point, I also knew there was nothing anyone could say or do that could stop his self destruction. I had not expected his life to end so abruptly in a jail cell ... but that was how his tortured journey ended. Telling his teenage sons their father, once a proud and accomplished man, had died in a jail cell was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
And 3 years ago today.. our lives forever changed. Someone whose life had so much potential, had accomplished so many positive things, that had been so strong, smart and hard working ... had instead had left behind a legacy of a pain, self destruction and chaos.
My husband left our family shattered and heartbroken and now slowly moving on with our lives ... yet forever wondering why, with all the devastating pain and sorrow, he was unable to break free from this powerful and deadly addiction.
His sons are left knowing that if their father had made different choices he would still be in their lives today, cheering them on with all their accomplishments, their straight A’s in college and our oldest son’s entry into law school - things he would have been so proud of. So that his death would not be in vain, his sons, now understanding how deadly and insidious alcohol abuse can be, have vowed never to repeat their father’s mistakes.
Today, we are missing the man he used to be ... and hoping that this destructive, tragic addiction will never harm our family again ... because, 3 years ago today, our lives were transformed and forever changed.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Thank you stopping by today and sharing your story. I am sorry that your husband lost his life to alcoholism. I admire your strength and your sons' determination to make better choices in their lives.
Peace and (((hugs))) to you and your family.
Peace and (((hugs))) to you and your family.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
(( SW ))
Yours is a powerful message. The disease is cunning, baffling, powerful, and often fatal if not treated... and its impact on families is powerful as well. Prayers of comfort and peace go out to you and your children that they can remember the good that was their father.
Yours is a powerful message. The disease is cunning, baffling, powerful, and often fatal if not treated... and its impact on families is powerful as well. Prayers of comfort and peace go out to you and your children that they can remember the good that was their father.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Wild West, USA
Posts: 407
I am very sorry for you and your family's loss.
Sometimes I'm sure that the only way to truly understand an addiction of that magnitude is to have one, and if that's true I'm grateful not to understand.
Peace to you,
BG
Sometimes I'm sure that the only way to truly understand an addiction of that magnitude is to have one, and if that's true I'm grateful not to understand.
Peace to you,
BG
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
((((((((((((SW))))))))))))) I was here when it happened 3 years ago and my heart went out to you as it does today...my XAH left his family behind shattered as well but is still to this day caught up in his addiction by all account. Take special care of yourself today ok.
Thinking of You,
Janitw
Thinking of You,
Janitw
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Originally Posted by Seeking Wisdom 
His sons are left knowing that if their father had made different choices he would still be in their lives today, cheering them on with all their accomplishments, their straight A’s in college and our oldest son’s entry into law school - things he would have been so proud of. So that his death would not be in vain, his sons, now understanding how deadly and insidious alcohol abuse can be, have vowed never to repeat their father’s mistakes.
His death was not in vain. His life and your responses to it contained lessons to your sons - lessons that have forged your sons into the men they are becoming. What good that comes from this devastating disease seems now to be manifesting in how your sons have dealt with those lessons.
Thank you for this post.
CLMI
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 220
Thank you so much for sharing your story. For me, what shone through is the genuine love you seemed to have for your husband in spite of his horrible disease. As the mother of three young men and the wife of an alcoholic, I have tried so hard to protect my boys from the effects of alcoholism. You and your family will be in my prayers!
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