One small step -- feels like giant leap...
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 444
One small step -- feels like giant leap...
I am trying not to panic and obsess.... over the stupidest silliest thing. So, instead of trying to force myself NOT to panic and obess, if I analyze it a bit maybe I can figure out where it comes from:
Moved back to the city - from a small suburb/bedroom community. Found a new church (that I LOVE). Said church is having a "singles" activity tonight; gathering at a local eating/drinking place that has some fun activities on Thurs nights. This place is one of my favorite places.... and I go there as often as I can. I "broke up" with my BF last weekend. So, this is the perfect time, the perfect place, to get out and meet some new people.....
Why am I trying to talk myself out of it? I feel like the Grinch (in the movie) trying to decide whether to go to the holiday whobilation(?)..... "The nerve of those Who's, inviting me down there on such short notice..... even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn't allow it..... well maybe..... but what would I wear" !!!!!
I am afraid -
1) They will think I am needy and desparate because I can't make friends any other way..... Isn't that sort of insulting to the rest of the people there if I have that attitude, Gees!
2) Nobody knows me, and therefore I will feel like an outsider all night, because I am sure no one will talk to me....
3) I am expecting too much --- they will all LOVE me, I will immediately have lots of new friends, and maybe even a new boyfriend. And therefore I am setting myself up for disappointment.
4) My X BF will be angry/jealous..... it's a little complicated there...... and really, am I doing this FOR me, or to HURT him? And, if I don't tell him, is it because I am hiding it from him (we still live together til he finds a place) or because it is none of his business.
I feel brave and confident, but then I am afraid to walk in that door all by myself and approach a group of people that I don't know, and socialize for the evening..... What is it I am afraid of?
Moved back to the city - from a small suburb/bedroom community. Found a new church (that I LOVE). Said church is having a "singles" activity tonight; gathering at a local eating/drinking place that has some fun activities on Thurs nights. This place is one of my favorite places.... and I go there as often as I can. I "broke up" with my BF last weekend. So, this is the perfect time, the perfect place, to get out and meet some new people.....
Why am I trying to talk myself out of it? I feel like the Grinch (in the movie) trying to decide whether to go to the holiday whobilation(?)..... "The nerve of those Who's, inviting me down there on such short notice..... even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn't allow it..... well maybe..... but what would I wear" !!!!!
I am afraid -
1) They will think I am needy and desparate because I can't make friends any other way..... Isn't that sort of insulting to the rest of the people there if I have that attitude, Gees!
2) Nobody knows me, and therefore I will feel like an outsider all night, because I am sure no one will talk to me....
3) I am expecting too much --- they will all LOVE me, I will immediately have lots of new friends, and maybe even a new boyfriend. And therefore I am setting myself up for disappointment.
4) My X BF will be angry/jealous..... it's a little complicated there...... and really, am I doing this FOR me, or to HURT him? And, if I don't tell him, is it because I am hiding it from him (we still live together til he finds a place) or because it is none of his business.
I feel brave and confident, but then I am afraid to walk in that door all by myself and approach a group of people that I don't know, and socialize for the evening..... What is it I am afraid of?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
I often feel this way, especially when approaching a new social situation. Heck I felt this way last week-end before going to a milonga (an evening of dance) I've already been to.
Perhaps you could go but tell yourself that after 1 hour, you'll go home if you're not enjoying yourself?
Nothing wrong with baby steps.
Perhaps you could go but tell yourself that after 1 hour, you'll go home if you're not enjoying yourself?
Nothing wrong with baby steps.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Why would you want to find a new boyfriend if you just broke up with your boyfriend last weekend and you are still living together?
Could your discomfort be your inner wisdom telling you you are not ready?
Wife
Could your discomfort be your inner wisdom telling you you are not ready?
Wife
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The GREAT White North
Posts: 315
Dear nowinsituation,
GET OUT OF MY BRAIN!!!!! lol
Yup, I feel that way in almost every situation. From a new meeting to a dinner with an old friend to going to volunteer at church.
I'm learing to go deep and find out what triggered the insecurities. The shame. Usually it's something deep in my past that does NOT belong to the grown woman I am now.
Then I remember a time when I felt this and did just fine. Spoke well, mingled well and felt well.
Good luck.
GET OUT OF MY BRAIN!!!!! lol
Yup, I feel that way in almost every situation. From a new meeting to a dinner with an old friend to going to volunteer at church.
I'm learing to go deep and find out what triggered the insecurities. The shame. Usually it's something deep in my past that does NOT belong to the grown woman I am now.
Then I remember a time when I felt this and did just fine. Spoke well, mingled well and felt well.
Good luck.
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