Drug Test
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
When he was using - every excuse NOT to take it.
When he's clean - "Bring it on"
I know people have many different thoughts on drug tests, including reliability and ways to fake it.
My experience with them: I'd threaten to buy one and give it to him - but I think we both knew I wasn't going to. By the time I was serious about enforcing my boundary of no drugs, he knew I meant it & I knew I meant it. I bought a test early last year but have not used it and probably won't at this point. If he relapses, I think I'll know & he will have to face his own consequences and I will have to do what I have to do.
When he's clean - "Bring it on"
I know people have many different thoughts on drug tests, including reliability and ways to fake it.
My experience with them: I'd threaten to buy one and give it to him - but I think we both knew I wasn't going to. By the time I was serious about enforcing my boundary of no drugs, he knew I meant it & I knew I meant it. I bought a test early last year but have not used it and probably won't at this point. If he relapses, I think I'll know & he will have to face his own consequences and I will have to do what I have to do.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: iowa cornfields
Posts: 126
Recovering addict here. I took employers drug tests and my fams made me p*ss for drugstore testing kits. I liked opies above all else and I abused synthetic and semi-synthetic opies. No codeine, H, or M because these will show positive for opiates. If your significant other says sure and passes but you know something is going on I would request a blood test. I declined every time a bloody test. Just watch out for the "tricks" of the trade. I used my "passes" as excuses to celebrate with more dope. Pathetic.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
I'm too cheap to spend that money. And you have to know which drug to test for in order to decide which box to buy. Besides, the kits i looked at said if there was a positive result you were supposed to send it to some lab for confirmation.
Then i figured that was not my job to drug test somebody. I'm a mom here, not a friggin counselor or drug rehab program. There's plenty of other signs/symptoms to use for confirmation.
IMHO.
Then i figured that was not my job to drug test somebody. I'm a mom here, not a friggin counselor or drug rehab program. There's plenty of other signs/symptoms to use for confirmation.
IMHO.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
I have done a complete about face on the topic of testing over the past year or so.
While I continue to support hair testing in schools and workplaces, it's a different situation when it comes to friends and family.
Assume you do. Assume it's positive. Assume the testee does not claim the test was wrong or that it must have been the poppy seeds in the bagel. Then what?
While I continue to support hair testing in schools and workplaces, it's a different situation when it comes to friends and family.
Assume you do. Assume it's positive. Assume the testee does not claim the test was wrong or that it must have been the poppy seeds in the bagel. Then what?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
Originally Posted by cmhcali 
Yes he said he is not using. But believe otherwise. No kids, not living together, so no risk except the truth.
work in progress
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
It helps you "validate" that you're not crazy...I get it. Been there, done that a million times! You confronting him about his use won't change anything. I wish it would! None of us would be here right now if that tactic worked. ..I know it sucks!
All I can tell you about my AH is that he willingly took the tests, learned how to "cheat" them...and in the end, took the pills anyway.
It did make me feel better for a few hours after he failed the UT to "know" I wasn't crazy. And I got to have my "aha! got ya!" moment. And sometimes in all that chaos, a few hours was very much needed....until it started all over again!
My AH's DOC is opiates...so tiny pupils in dark places is a dead giveaway! Much cheaper than a UT...and is fail proof.
Dim the lights and good luck!
All I can tell you about my AH is that he willingly took the tests, learned how to "cheat" them...and in the end, took the pills anyway.
It did make me feel better for a few hours after he failed the UT to "know" I wasn't crazy. And I got to have my "aha! got ya!" moment. And sometimes in all that chaos, a few hours was very much needed....until it started all over again!
My AH's DOC is opiates...so tiny pupils in dark places is a dead giveaway! Much cheaper than a UT...and is fail proof.
Dim the lights and good luck!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Personally, I think that this kind of drug testing is demeaning to both the addict and the person insisting on having it.
Things are okay in a relationship, or they are not and the drug test isn't the problem.
Just my thoughts.
Hugs
Things are okay in a relationship, or they are not and the drug test isn't the problem.
Just my thoughts.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: huntington wv
Posts: 46
drug test
I'll tell you my experiences with testing my BF..for what it's worth.
I have tested him on three occaisons. the first time, he was living with us, money was disappearing, and he was increasingly violent with me. He failed the test for coke, and we argued for an hour becuase he insisted it was wrong. let me say that again: he insisted, to the point of yelling in my face, than anFDA approved drug test was WRONG, and he, the biggest liar ever, was telling me the truth. The second time he asked me to get him a test for pot (this was about a year after our big break up, when we had just gotten back together) to make sure he was clean of pot. The last time was this past weekend when he came over to stay with me. again he wanted to see if he was clean because he had "slipped." he was, but the next day (sunday) he found a tylenol 3 and stuck it up his nose while I was at church, then stole my xanax while I went to the store. I guess my point is, it really makes no difference. I used the tests as a threat, but now I realize the only time it was really legit was when he was lviing here with me and my kids and I suspected cocaine. The rest of the time it is a control issue. I finally realized this past weekend the root of MY problem, and the reason we fought every time I "caught"him came from me wanting him to tell me the truth. I've realized he won't. He may even be unable to. I see the evidence, I know wht he's done. he WILL LIE. Worry about you and what you need. not him.
How are you taking care of yourself today?
ETA: We have to trust ourselves. We SEE the evidence. We cannot rely on the addict to tell us the truth. they WON'T. Do not let the addict dictate your reality.
I have tested him on three occaisons. the first time, he was living with us, money was disappearing, and he was increasingly violent with me. He failed the test for coke, and we argued for an hour becuase he insisted it was wrong. let me say that again: he insisted, to the point of yelling in my face, than anFDA approved drug test was WRONG, and he, the biggest liar ever, was telling me the truth. The second time he asked me to get him a test for pot (this was about a year after our big break up, when we had just gotten back together) to make sure he was clean of pot. The last time was this past weekend when he came over to stay with me. again he wanted to see if he was clean because he had "slipped." he was, but the next day (sunday) he found a tylenol 3 and stuck it up his nose while I was at church, then stole my xanax while I went to the store. I guess my point is, it really makes no difference. I used the tests as a threat, but now I realize the only time it was really legit was when he was lviing here with me and my kids and I suspected cocaine. The rest of the time it is a control issue. I finally realized this past weekend the root of MY problem, and the reason we fought every time I "caught"him came from me wanting him to tell me the truth. I've realized he won't. He may even be unable to. I see the evidence, I know wht he's done. he WILL LIE. Worry about you and what you need. not him.
How are you taking care of yourself today?
ETA: We have to trust ourselves. We SEE the evidence. We cannot rely on the addict to tell us the truth. they WON'T. Do not let the addict dictate your reality.
learning to live for me
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: East Coast, US
Posts: 215
Sometimes I fantasize about finding solid proof that my abf is using. I look back at all the "proof" I had in the past that he was smoking crack-but I felt naive and didn't trust my gut. I had seen spoons, lighters, burnt soda cans, aluminum foil, weird 1 minute cell phone calls.
But I agree with others. So what if I did buy a test. And, in the unlikely event he failed it *cocaine leaves the system VERY quickly* what would I say? What would I do?
He would likely pass it. And guilt trip me into feeling like an @$$hole for requesting it.
And I'm out of the money I spent on it.
But I agree with others. So what if I did buy a test. And, in the unlikely event he failed it *cocaine leaves the system VERY quickly* what would I say? What would I do?
He would likely pass it. And guilt trip me into feeling like an @$$hole for requesting it.
And I'm out of the money I spent on it.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i'm a ra and i've heard plenty of different ways to fake a drug test and so have my ah. he's faked and passed them even while in rehab.
i say, follow your gut, watch his actions and not his words. time will tell you if he's using. keep the focus on you and maybe ask yourself if this is what you want in a relationship. addiction is a life long thing and so is recovery. relapses do sometimes happen and there is nothing you can to stop them.
i say, follow your gut, watch his actions and not his words. time will tell you if he's using. keep the focus on you and maybe ask yourself if this is what you want in a relationship. addiction is a life long thing and so is recovery. relapses do sometimes happen and there is nothing you can to stop them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 729
to answer the question if it was negative I would leave. If I found proof or evidence such as a burned can I would leave, but like I have posted other than I think he is using everything is perfect. It is today I got a text asking how he was doing because he wasnt looking physically well from a mutual friend in the program.
For me today I prayed. Took a girl that felt lik relapsing to a meeting and ended up chairing it. Did stepwork with a sponsee. Made an amends to my 16 year old nephew and am taking another sponsee to a meeting tonight. The good part is I have here to vent and look for guidance and my program and the steps to work on myself. Overall I am pretty good all things considering. I do fun things and am a happy person. So I am learning which is all I can do.
And he lies about the pinpoint pupils said it was from benzo he is prescribed by a doctor I believed and now know that is not true so I am not sure if I should let him know I know that is not true. The friend in the program that texted me today is worried and is going to talk to him. And I gave him his one year coin yesterday so i feel weird about that.
For me today I prayed. Took a girl that felt lik relapsing to a meeting and ended up chairing it. Did stepwork with a sponsee. Made an amends to my 16 year old nephew and am taking another sponsee to a meeting tonight. The good part is I have here to vent and look for guidance and my program and the steps to work on myself. Overall I am pretty good all things considering. I do fun things and am a happy person. So I am learning which is all I can do.
And he lies about the pinpoint pupils said it was from benzo he is prescribed by a doctor I believed and now know that is not true so I am not sure if I should let him know I know that is not true. The friend in the program that texted me today is worried and is going to talk to him. And I gave him his one year coin yesterday so i feel weird about that.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
just gonna respond to your original question.
when i did this, mine said "sure. any time."
i'm pretty sure that if he was dirty, he'd have gotten icky with me.
one time i actually did follow through and ask for the drop. i stood in the bathroom with him (turned my head) and asked him if he was angry with me about it. he said "i'm the one got us in this predicament".
it turned up negative (meaning no drugs) and i sprang it on him so it wasn't expected. i'm sure he felt vindicated, and i felt relieved. as i have said "every time you say something and it turns up being the truth, a little trust is gained. every time you say something that is untrue, trust is lost." it sucks, but we both walked into this wanted to rebuild.
when i did this, mine said "sure. any time."
i'm pretty sure that if he was dirty, he'd have gotten icky with me.
one time i actually did follow through and ask for the drop. i stood in the bathroom with him (turned my head) and asked him if he was angry with me about it. he said "i'm the one got us in this predicament".
it turned up negative (meaning no drugs) and i sprang it on him so it wasn't expected. i'm sure he felt vindicated, and i felt relieved. as i have said "every time you say something and it turns up being the truth, a little trust is gained. every time you say something that is untrue, trust is lost." it sucks, but we both walked into this wanted to rebuild.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
