want2Bfree325

I made him leave Monday night because I found out he was using again. I told him to leave me alone and not to contact me at all. I am worried bc I don't have a car and no job at the moment (I am a full time college student and SAHM) and am just saying prayers and looking at my options to get out of this mess. Thankfully I am staying with my mother and have a roof over my head and suppor from her and my friends but her car just broke down and the transmission went. She already has some financial problems and now I feel like worse of burden with this happening too...Ugh, anyway the ex just sent me a text saying "I am truly sorry for all the pain that I caused you and I will get the rest of my stuff next week". I am not even responding to it and I am proud of myself for that. Today I have been going through the motions of anger and I am trying my best not to romanticize him because you know what he wasn't never that great. I just needed to get this off of my chest because I have a lot of anxiety right now and I just don't know what to do. I just can't wait til I have a car of my own again and I am on my feet financially. I guess just one day at a time right? Thanks for listening...

Rediscovering

Good for you! Separating yourself is the first step. I've never been able to do that on my own. You're on the right track, and stronger than you think

onlyliveonce

Great attitude and start. When it's time you know and start to make plans quietly. I live with my mom too with 15 yr. old son, full time college student and full time job. You can do it, opportunities will come your way exactly when you need them to but don't expect it. You are doing the right thing by getting the kids away from the insanity. If I had it to do over I wouldn't have stayed as long, our son saw alot. Keep your chin up!!

want2Bfree325

Believe me it isn't easy to say nothing to him...I keep wanting so badly to say something but I am fighting this because I know the implications that could arise and I don't want to take a bunch of steps backward when I have finally made it this far to remove the chaos from my life. It's just that I keep going through the motions...One minute I am so angry at what he has done and all of the crappy things he has put me and my children through and the next moment I'm doing the ole' 'Maybe if this happened, he would change'..blah, blah, blah...I hate how your emotions can play such tricks on you. I can't emphasize how hard its been but I know it will be a lot harder if I made contact with him.
Thanks Rediscovering and Onlyliveonce for your support, I really need it to stay strong and continue on my path to recovery.

Carol Star

It takes a while for the head to finally catch up with the heart. That is why my therapist said finally my" integrity " got me out. I would go back to him and she would say there was something I hadn't learned yet. It is hard. They are such cons and you want to believe them.

onlyliveonce

You will go through the motions for awhile, just keep doing it. I quietly planned on moving out and he was either sleeping or drunk through my entire planning. He was just oblivious to it all To this day he still says he never saw anything that looked unusual or out of place to him (HAHA). I saw him on interstate with my big U-Haul heading out of town We are divorced now and the only thing that helps me in not thinking about the old him is this: he's a BROKEN man and that's not what I want in my life. I still have love and respect for mine - don't know how that happened - but I'm working through my feelings and emotions and am thankful this is where I am at today. I do not let him steal my joy or peace anymore. Hopefully he will "get it" one day but if not I'll still be fine. And so will you!!!! I still think about how it used to be but that man is not here anymore and is not coming back so I keep that in my thoughts also. He had many, many chances to straighten up (18yrs.) and will not get one more hour or minute of ME I pray for him everyday and do what I feel is right for me and son and lately these have been good decisions for me.

want2Bfree325

Thank you for posting your experience. It gives me hope that this will get easier. After yesterday, I didn't hear anything again so I thought 'ok maybe he is going to respect me and not try' but now I am getting all of these msgs 'Please dont give up on me im doing whatever i can to b da man u want' and 'I love u and miss u so much im dying a lil more every second im not w u'. Ugh it's killing me...obviously I care about him but I will not do it anymore. As much as it hurts, I have to think with my head and not with my heart. I just had to vent this because right now its really tough on me fighting myself to stay away. Again, thank you for providing the reminder that it does get better and that staying with him would only result in a lot more pain.

coffeedrinker

i found that simply not answering a call, or not replying to a text, was empowering. it was like by not "talking" i had a voice and a will

ladyhawk69

Absolutely! I suspended his phone so he can't rack up the bill and most importantly, I CAN'T call him when I'm having a weak moment. It was very empowering.