Confused? Not sure what to do
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 3
Confused? Not sure what to do
Hey all im new to the forums..thought id give it a try....and im hoping to get some advice.
Im 16 years old male and living with my mother who is an alcoholic she has been ever since 8 years ago...4 years ago my parents separated and ive been living with my mom. About 4 months ago my mom stopped drinking for 3 months straight....going to AA meetings and everything was having friends and was living good. Mid October on her birthday she had a drink...and the last month has been hell. After knowing what she can be when shes not drunk i DONT want to go back to her being an alcoholic...i know she can do it becuz she has done it before and i have faith in her but its starting to wear out. Every time she drinks she wakes up the next morning and will apologize for all the mean things she said to me the previous night. I forgive her and she says its the last and final time...but it never is. Im down to the final straw and i dont know what to do...i want to leave because i dont like how im living... but i cant leave her...shes my everything and i love her to the bottom of my heart and dont want leave her in this state. None of this is helping tho that my neighbor is buying her drinks when my mom is out of cash and it REALLY ticks me off. I am a very calm person but something about my mom when she is drunks makes me really really mad to the point that it seems like i have anger management problems. I try to tell her not to hang with my neighbor and that shes the cause but she keeps making the dumb excuse like "dont blame her its my fault" when i know if my neighbor didnt keep buying her drinks none of this would be happening.
There more crap i would explain but that pretty much sums it up.
Im looking for suggestions on what to do or how to convince my mom to get back on track because i cant take this anymore and its not how i want to live (ive also currently dropped out of school because of this situation from stress)
Im 16 years old male and living with my mother who is an alcoholic she has been ever since 8 years ago...4 years ago my parents separated and ive been living with my mom. About 4 months ago my mom stopped drinking for 3 months straight....going to AA meetings and everything was having friends and was living good. Mid October on her birthday she had a drink...and the last month has been hell. After knowing what she can be when shes not drunk i DONT want to go back to her being an alcoholic...i know she can do it becuz she has done it before and i have faith in her but its starting to wear out. Every time she drinks she wakes up the next morning and will apologize for all the mean things she said to me the previous night. I forgive her and she says its the last and final time...but it never is. Im down to the final straw and i dont know what to do...i want to leave because i dont like how im living... but i cant leave her...shes my everything and i love her to the bottom of my heart and dont want leave her in this state. None of this is helping tho that my neighbor is buying her drinks when my mom is out of cash and it REALLY ticks me off. I am a very calm person but something about my mom when she is drunks makes me really really mad to the point that it seems like i have anger management problems. I try to tell her not to hang with my neighbor and that shes the cause but she keeps making the dumb excuse like "dont blame her its my fault" when i know if my neighbor didnt keep buying her drinks none of this would be happening.
There more crap i would explain but that pretty much sums it up.
Im looking for suggestions on what to do or how to convince my mom to get back on track because i cant take this anymore and its not how i want to live (ive also currently dropped out of school because of this situation from stress)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Humboldt TN
Posts: 114
Hon, you didn't cause it, you don't deserve it, and you can't cure it. First of all, get back in school (I'm a teacher and a therapist) cause you need to be away, around kids your age, and people who care, soberly.
Have you talked to family you can trust? It might be best to leave; my uncle is an alcoholic, and my grandma raised my cousins, and they turned out fine.
Do you have any other adults you can talk to? Guidance counselor, preacher, friends' parents? It's not fair to you to be the parent to your mom. Kids are a gift, and should be the #1 priority.
You have made a good start, coming here...you are not alone.
Keep reading and posting...
Hugs to you-OH7
Have you talked to family you can trust? It might be best to leave; my uncle is an alcoholic, and my grandma raised my cousins, and they turned out fine.
Do you have any other adults you can talk to? Guidance counselor, preacher, friends' parents? It's not fair to you to be the parent to your mom. Kids are a gift, and should be the #1 priority.
You have made a good start, coming here...you are not alone.
Keep reading and posting...
Hugs to you-OH7
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 3
The rest of my family lives 3 provinces away from me...or at least my moms side...i dont know any of my dads side and i cant live with him because hes currently a drug addict...
and theres no way i can leave my mom...that would kill me shes has been by myself for ever and is the only one i have and it would kill her aswell if i left...she always says im the love of her life and she couldnt live without me
Me and my mom were going to go talk to my principle today about how i could catch up in school (ive only been outta school for about 2-3 weeks) but its currently 1am were i live and we are suppose to go meet them at 1:30pm but im to embarrassed to go now since my mom has already drank last night (technically) and shes gonna have a major hangover
and theres no way i can leave my mom...that would kill me shes has been by myself for ever and is the only one i have and it would kill her aswell if i left...she always says im the love of her life and she couldnt live without me
Me and my mom were going to go talk to my principle today about how i could catch up in school (ive only been outta school for about 2-3 weeks) but its currently 1am were i live and we are suppose to go meet them at 1:30pm but im to embarrassed to go now since my mom has already drank last night (technically) and shes gonna have a major hangover
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
Hang in there! Please do not feel responsible for this. It's not your fault. Keep reading here to at least know you are not alone. Also, stay in school. It is so important and will open doors you never imagined. Focus on the bigger picture. You can only help you. Your mom has to help herself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
project 89,
you know how you seek out certain people, you become friends with certain people, because of things like common interests and some similar personality traits? your mom has this alcohol thing in common with her friend next door. it's not your neighbor's fault that you mom is an alcoholic. it's in her genes or something, so because of that, you can't "cure" her or even "make" her stop for that matter.
i would urge you to think about speaking to an adult either in the social services of your province/city, or in your school. i would also urge you to be at least open-minded about possibly living elsewhere for a short time.
remember the story heidi of the alps? there was a cousin (clara i believe) who was cripped. her family was wealthy and she was spoiled and for years someone carried her around - she never even had to try. this is what we do to the alcoholic when we take care of them, clean up their messes, etc. they don't have to walk on their own cuz we're carrying them! i hope this makes at least a little sense to you.
keep visiting us here
you know how you seek out certain people, you become friends with certain people, because of things like common interests and some similar personality traits? your mom has this alcohol thing in common with her friend next door. it's not your neighbor's fault that you mom is an alcoholic. it's in her genes or something, so because of that, you can't "cure" her or even "make" her stop for that matter.
i would urge you to think about speaking to an adult either in the social services of your province/city, or in your school. i would also urge you to be at least open-minded about possibly living elsewhere for a short time.
remember the story heidi of the alps? there was a cousin (clara i believe) who was cripped. her family was wealthy and she was spoiled and for years someone carried her around - she never even had to try. this is what we do to the alcoholic when we take care of them, clean up their messes, etc. they don't have to walk on their own cuz we're carrying them! i hope this makes at least a little sense to you.
keep visiting us here
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Hello Project!
I'm glad to read through your thread to see that you have talked to the counsellor at school, thats a great step for you and your mum.
I hope you continue at school, your mum's problem will hopefully get better like it has before, but sometimes someone suffering from addiction can take a while longer than others to get well. It is important therefore that you keep focused on your future life too.
Like others have said, you can't get her to sober up, she has to want that and sometimes that means the alcoholic has to wake up to how bad and messed up life has gotten for them, some call this wake up 'hitting bottom'.
Read through the stickies and keep posting, and never feel 'embarrassed' this is a common problem for many families and no one worth knowing will be thinking badly of you or your mum.
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I'm glad to read through your thread to see that you have talked to the counsellor at school, thats a great step for you and your mum.
I hope you continue at school, your mum's problem will hopefully get better like it has before, but sometimes someone suffering from addiction can take a while longer than others to get well. It is important therefore that you keep focused on your future life too.
Like others have said, you can't get her to sober up, she has to want that and sometimes that means the alcoholic has to wake up to how bad and messed up life has gotten for them, some call this wake up 'hitting bottom'.
Read through the stickies and keep posting, and never feel 'embarrassed' this is a common problem for many families and no one worth knowing will be thinking badly of you or your mum.
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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