wouldn't you know!!!!
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
wouldn't you know!!!!
as you may know, we've had little to no contact with my ah in about 2yrs now, maybe talked to him twice in all that time and then it was me who made the calls. by the grace of god, i'm not angry anymore neither am i spending my days hurting or thinking about him. just these last couple days i've been questioning myself about why i'm still married other than the fact that i don'r have money to file. i really think i might be DONE WITH IT.
anyway, if you remember, he went to jail again last wk and as expected, i get a "jailhouse letter", you know the kind. all the "i love yous, sorry forgive me's, should've, could've, would've, the lord this and that. all of a sudden he realizes i was his rock, the best thing that ever happened to him. WHAT??????? i almost said a cus word.
somebody please tell me why this is suppose to be the button that makes me tick. give me a break, this has got to be some kind of joke, he actually wants me to start writing/ sending pictures of me, didn't say 1 word about his kids. well i'm not interested in doing either.
i'm glad that he thinks he can now get himself together, but he's 50yrs old, in and out of jail/prison and living with his mom. never had a place of his own or a car. somebody tell me if i'm suppose to fall for all of this. seems he maybe living in the past when it comes to me, huh? it goes to show, if you stay away long enough, they are bound to try you again from time to time.. i'm not bothered at all by this letter, i knew he would start writing as soon as he was in jail..
anyway, if you remember, he went to jail again last wk and as expected, i get a "jailhouse letter", you know the kind. all the "i love yous, sorry forgive me's, should've, could've, would've, the lord this and that. all of a sudden he realizes i was his rock, the best thing that ever happened to him. WHAT??????? i almost said a cus word.
somebody please tell me why this is suppose to be the button that makes me tick. give me a break, this has got to be some kind of joke, he actually wants me to start writing/ sending pictures of me, didn't say 1 word about his kids. well i'm not interested in doing either.
i'm glad that he thinks he can now get himself together, but he's 50yrs old, in and out of jail/prison and living with his mom. never had a place of his own or a car. somebody tell me if i'm suppose to fall for all of this. seems he maybe living in the past when it comes to me, huh? it goes to show, if you stay away long enough, they are bound to try you again from time to time.. i'm not bothered at all by this letter, i knew he would start writing as soon as he was in jail..
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
lol. What a nut. My ex is 40 years old, moving from disgusting girlfriends house to whoevers house, has a felon record a mile long, and has no job or job prospects on the line. He's lazy.
Whenever he shows up to see his son (once a month at best) he tries to kiss me and hold my hand. Last time we were all together at my sons swimming lessons, he tried to hold my hand in public - in front of the other parents!
I try to ignore him but it just brings back feelings of anger and disgust - about how he treated me so crappy and he just doesn't get it. He tells me that we are in the process of reconciling and eventually we will be a family together.
It makes me throw up in my mouth just a little bit.
Whenever he shows up to see his son (once a month at best) he tries to kiss me and hold my hand. Last time we were all together at my sons swimming lessons, he tried to hold my hand in public - in front of the other parents!
I try to ignore him but it just brings back feelings of anger and disgust - about how he treated me so crappy and he just doesn't get it. He tells me that we are in the process of reconciling and eventually we will be a family together.
It makes me throw up in my mouth just a little bit.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Sounds like he's found jailhouse religion and probably means well... today. Tomorrow
or whenever he gets out it will probably all be forgotten. If there's a chance he's going to prison, you know he's got to get in your good graces so you'll send $ and come visit.
LOL. I know you've been down this road before, you know the game. It's funny how
they all think the same isn't it? But you are strong, Teke, you'll be ok and won't be easily
pulled back into the game.
or whenever he gets out it will probably all be forgotten. If there's a chance he's going to prison, you know he's got to get in your good graces so you'll send $ and come visit.
LOL. I know you've been down this road before, you know the game. It's funny how
they all think the same isn't it? But you are strong, Teke, you'll be ok and won't be easily
pulled back into the game.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
What they said above me!!! While he has stayed stuck in his addiction, our Teke has move wayyyyy on down the road of recovery.
Aren't you glad you are out of that mess and have wonderful days ahead to look forward to Teke?
Proud Mama Hugs
Aren't you glad you are out of that mess and have wonderful days ahead to look forward to Teke?
Proud Mama Hugs
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
I know this is hard for you but when I read your post all I could think about was the book series called "Getting Them Sober". There is a CHAPTER called "You cant lose and alcoholic". I think the same applies for a drug addict as well.
The author goes on to state that they have an alcoholic radar that sets off when they realize that you are slipping away. She stated a few times when they show up again in your life and usually it has to do with you getting healthier. The smell it and try to reel you back in.
I thought that it was kind of comical when she went on to tell a story about a woman that she had been counseling for years whom was married to an alcoholic and then left. 30 years after their divorce he would still send cards and letters proclaiming her to still be his wife and how sorry he was.
When they get close to bottom they reach out and see if the can pull ANYONE back in and if they can they know that they havent reached bottom and can keep on going. Thats the way I look at it.
Pat yourself on the back for not falling for it. Works in progress we all are....Keep going....
The author goes on to state that they have an alcoholic radar that sets off when they realize that you are slipping away. She stated a few times when they show up again in your life and usually it has to do with you getting healthier. The smell it and try to reel you back in.
I thought that it was kind of comical when she went on to tell a story about a woman that she had been counseling for years whom was married to an alcoholic and then left. 30 years after their divorce he would still send cards and letters proclaiming her to still be his wife and how sorry he was.
When they get close to bottom they reach out and see if the can pull ANYONE back in and if they can they know that they havent reached bottom and can keep on going. Thats the way I look at it.
Pat yourself on the back for not falling for it. Works in progress we all are....Keep going....
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Aren't you fortunate that your HP sent you this letter to entertain you and make us giggle. I wonder how many he will send without response from you before he takes the hint? You've come a long way Teke 
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Oh Teke - aren't you glad to know he sent that to the old Teke that doesn't exist any more!!!
She's been grown into the you that is wise enough, caring enough and strong enough to say . . . . .
"Hey quacking Pine Tree - you are barking up the wrong boat, that train has left the station, Unhealthy love doesn't live here anymore."
ok - on the serious side - it is a positive thing to know that those old triggers don't affect you anymore -
Keep taking good care of you, honey - You are doing wonderful!!!!
HUGS,
Rita
She's been grown into the you that is wise enough, caring enough and strong enough to say . . . . .
"Hey quacking Pine Tree - you are barking up the wrong boat, that train has left the station, Unhealthy love doesn't live here anymore."ok - on the serious side - it is a positive thing to know that those old triggers don't affect you anymore -
Keep taking good care of you, honey - You are doing wonderful!!!!
HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
you read the letter...................
you saw it for what it is.........quack quack ........your not listening to that
........your not listening to that so give yourself a hand Girl.......so proud of you!!
you saw it for what it is.........quack quack ........your not listening to that
........your not listening to that so give yourself a hand Girl.......so proud of you!!
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
spark of gratitude
first i want to thank all of you for your wisdom, encouraging words and your patience. some of you can probably remember way back when i first stumbled here, i felt like i was literally a crazy, struggling semi-functional zombie with 7 kids, 2 dogs and an ah who had convince me that if i tried to talk to anyone abuot what was going on with me, they would definitely commit me to an asylum, i believed him for yrs and kept silent, basically out of fear of being put away and thinking what would happen to my kids.
i thought i was kind of a lost cause, but i had the kids who really needed me. i was so desperate for their sake, i signed on knowing you guys would surely know that i was crazy but i thought at least i had to hear it from someone other than my ah and it would be ok because it is the internet, you wouldn't know me if you saw me on the street.
i feel like you guys took my hand and literally pulled me back from that zombiefied state. living in that nightmare became a norm for me. you promised me that i would be ok and get through to the other side, i may not be there yet but i honestly think i'm heading in that direction.
although, in my sick thinking, i couldn't see that as being possible, i thought for the kids sake, i had to "believe" that you guys "believed" that life could get better for me and them. your belief is what kept me here posting and now wishing every day that i had something i could give back. you see, you guys were literally all i had, couldn't go to f2f, had no car(ah made sure of that).
yesterday after reading that letter, posting and walking away, i began thinking about divorce as oppose to him thinking reconciliation and i realized i was feeling a ting of fear or panicky. i don't know if it was the fear of being "divorced" or the fear of how he would react to me having him served with papers. kind of began to feel some compassion for his feelings but what can i do about that. i have to live for me today.
for anyone who's interested, no i do not plan on responding and yes i expect to get more letter to not respond to (can't see it in my future either). one day maybe we'll end up somehow being kind of friends like with my other addicted ex's, after all, we do have kids and i guess he'll always be apart of something but as for romance, I THINK THAT'S OUT.
i may not be where i want to be but i thank my hp that i'm not where i was, its true if you stick around, work at it and believe, things will began to get better. if you can't believe for yourself right now, we'll believe for you, just believe that we believe and you'll see. I PROMISE.
thanks for reading all of this, just had a serious spark of gratitude. thanks for being here.
i thought i was kind of a lost cause, but i had the kids who really needed me. i was so desperate for their sake, i signed on knowing you guys would surely know that i was crazy but i thought at least i had to hear it from someone other than my ah and it would be ok because it is the internet, you wouldn't know me if you saw me on the street.
i feel like you guys took my hand and literally pulled me back from that zombiefied state. living in that nightmare became a norm for me. you promised me that i would be ok and get through to the other side, i may not be there yet but i honestly think i'm heading in that direction.
although, in my sick thinking, i couldn't see that as being possible, i thought for the kids sake, i had to "believe" that you guys "believed" that life could get better for me and them. your belief is what kept me here posting and now wishing every day that i had something i could give back. you see, you guys were literally all i had, couldn't go to f2f, had no car(ah made sure of that).
yesterday after reading that letter, posting and walking away, i began thinking about divorce as oppose to him thinking reconciliation and i realized i was feeling a ting of fear or panicky. i don't know if it was the fear of being "divorced" or the fear of how he would react to me having him served with papers. kind of began to feel some compassion for his feelings but what can i do about that. i have to live for me today.
for anyone who's interested, no i do not plan on responding and yes i expect to get more letter to not respond to (can't see it in my future either). one day maybe we'll end up somehow being kind of friends like with my other addicted ex's, after all, we do have kids and i guess he'll always be apart of something but as for romance, I THINK THAT'S OUT.
i may not be where i want to be but i thank my hp that i'm not where i was, its true if you stick around, work at it and believe, things will began to get better. if you can't believe for yourself right now, we'll believe for you, just believe that we believe and you'll see. I PROMISE.
thanks for reading all of this, just had a serious spark of gratitude. thanks for being here.
Last edited by teke; 12-03-2009 at 09:53 AM.
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
Originally Posted by greeteachday 
I wonder how many he will send without response from you before he takes the hint?
if he stay in there long enough, maybe he'll get the revelation that all the stuff he wrote about what he thinks "i did that hurt him" in the past, he'll realize he did to himself. not my fault and i will not take the blame,
anyway, in a wk, he's a new man, if so, it has to be magic and i'm happy for him. just thought it would take longer than this to get this 2nd letter. oh well!! still not interested!!!
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