nick90

Good afternoon everyone! I'm new here to the forums, and I'm trying to make a lifestyle change. I would in no way consider myself "rock-bottom" or anywhere near it, but I am aware I have a lasting problem with substance abuse. I like to get messed up, plain and simple, and I've gone through periods where I would smoke large amounts of weed on a daily basis, and wouldn't hesitate to take some pills or drink if it came my way. I've dabbled in many substances, but never really got stuck to any, besides marijuana and nicotine. But I can see it in myself that it could develop into a problem if I had a traumatic situation in my life or something like that. As of right now I want to go 100% totally sober, I don't want to master moderation, I don't want to do it on occasion, I want to quit, I desperately want that. I'm in college right now, a freshman at IU, and this college parties, which I can see becoming a problem. I would also like some advice on what I should do about my friends. I would say 9.5/10 of my friends use either nicotine/marijuana/alcohol regularly. I would like to know if it is at all possible I can still be good friends with these people and be able to resist temptation. Again, my only strong addiction is in marijuana and nicotine, and obviously nicotine carries a little bit more strength over me, but that is not to undercut marijuana, considering I have used that as a constant escape in the past. Any advice is greatly appreciated!

meditation

From what I can glean here the term you used "escape" is the key. I am an addict, in a drug monitored program with my state and I am 49. I used nicotine lightly in college, I drank at parties and usually a cocktail on the weekends. I tried weed. My only vice after 4 years of college was nicotine.
I apparently laid dormant in my addiction until my early 40's and I progressed from pain pills to shooting up narcotics back to pills in my disease.

I can say that I only wanted to escape about 99% of the time. That was why I used. I escaped boredom, pain, nasty feelings, good feelings, I used it as a reward for tasks completed and or to soothe.
If you are using now to escape I suggest getting in a program of some sort. NA, or some form of recovery.
I would not be able to be around other people using unless I planned on a relapse. I think it sounds like an immense uphill battle to be around parties, drinking, smoking weed, etc and not say whatever and cave into the desire to "join" in and escape.

Do you think you can do this?

nick90

As of right now, yes I do. I've had a few stents of trying to get my life cleaned up, but this time I really want it to happen. Before it would be for a bet or to try to get a girl I wanted, but now I just want freedom from use. I can really relate to what your saying about using the substance to avoid boredom as well as congratulate myself, in addition to making myself feel better when I'm down. It took until recently to truly see the problem that presents, and that is I turn to substances regardless of my position in life. So I want them gone. As of this moment, I don't plan on attending any NA meetings, but I have promised myself I will if I happen to relapse. Also, I'm a little skeptical of the 12 step structure working for me, seeming as I don't believe in a higher power, and to my knowledge, that is what the steps are based upon. Do you think NA would provide a good atmosphere even for someone who may not believe in a higher power?

totfit

I commend you for wanting to get clean. Nicotine will most likely give you the most problems. Most addicts will not even recognize this as just another drug, so I commend you for your common sense and in the long run it is a big killer. I don't know about NA. I would think though that your "friends" will likely be a problem. Typically we choose our friends, because we have similar interests. It will be very difficult to remain clean around those for whom one our our biggest common interests was using. One of the phrases often heard in recovery circles is about avoiding places and playmates. What I did many moons ago is take note of the things that really interested me. I emersed myself in groups and being around people with those real "other" interests. I also watch my diet and get plenty or rest and exercise. Finding a replacement for the time spent using will be the biggest challenge, though it is really easily done if you take stock of the thousands of activities that do not involve using. My personal opinion is that one can find a lot of "recovery" in a gym or civic hall without going to AA or NA, but to each their own. Like NIKE says: Just Do It!

pinpoint

Glad you're here man. I hope ya realize that your "friends" might not be who you think they are. NA works. I love the atmosphere at meetings. Something strong and motivational about a bunch of addicts talking out their joys and pains without dope. But there's other ways to recover. The important thing is that you want to quit. Welcome.

nick90

Thanks guys, some great advice, I will continue to do this on my own (with support from this forum of course) until further help is needed. I think with all the optimism that goes on here, combined with all the successful struggles, I will do what I came here to do.

meditation

I hope you succeed. There are other recovery programs besides step work out there it just takes exploring and there is a secular board on SR too. I use every single tool I can grasp to make it without a relapse. I don't have the benefit of having a slip cause I am heavily monitored, there can be no relapse in my world.
But without all the monitoring I would find a way- be it exercise, secular program of recovery, hobby, or something that replaced as stated above the time spent using.

I think you have some good common sense going on that you even realize that you have to stop now to have some sort of life down the road. You are young and you can achieve all your career goals and "other goals" without all the health issues and bad bad consequences that befall most of us that don't stop before it is too late or before things are seriously messed up in our lives. You can make it I do believe but putting yourself in a situation where your tempted maybe a big hurdle. We all go thru the "fu-it's" in life when we feel the need to escape more than the need to stay on the path. That is normal but with lots of tools in your belt to combat those whatever who cares moments you can be strong and not have a relapse.
Who is to say a relapse won't be deadly? Or result in a DUI or involve injuring another person? Our relapses are not always all about us.. it sometimes involves other people being harmed.
So with that "sermon" lol welcome here to SR and we can be your cheerleaders and help you! Glad you are here.

change4penny

Hi Nick, and welcome. I'm a recovering opiate/cocaine addict, 14 months clean. My husband is currently trying his best to quit weed after smoking it since around the age of 13, he's now 40.
You sound like a very intelligent person. How great it would be to kick this now? Do you realize that you have your entire life before you, but by using drugs, any drugs, it makes a fork in the road....going one direction will surely lead you down a very winding road. Take the right path....stop now while you have your whole life ahead. I read this post to my husband...he has so many regrets, as do I. Regrets, everyone has them, but to know that I threw so many years away for drugs and wondering where I'd be in my life today had I never used, well, it's very hard to swallow.
Please, listen to the advice that you'll get on this forum....I wish something like this existed when I was your age.

Good luck to You,

Penny

tyler

That's exactly how my story started my freshman year in college, (with the exception of the nicotine, I'd smoke occasionally, but it never became a habbit....luckily). The pot was a whole different story. It developed into an addiction that cost me finiancially (at lest $150,000 spent over 20 years, an no I wasn't making great money at all!!) and thousands spent on alcohol. I eventually lost my wife, whom I had been with since my sophmore year in college, had careers derailed, a couple stints in inpatient rehab, a couple trips to the mental ward (one after a suicide attempt that I only survived do to what I can only described as an act of god, and I'm agnostic!!)

I 41 years old now. I've got about 7 1/2 months clean. I live with my parents, get to see my son only a couple of times a month (which is better than the couple times a year for the last 4 years), have only recently started a job that has any kind of future in it. I think you get the point. I'm not you, you are not me, but the beginning of your "story" sounds far too much like mine, hopefuly you can take steps to make sure it doesn't end that way. Take care and welcome to SR!!

nick90

Tyler, those are some very strong words, and I appreciate you sharing your personal experience with me. I've always been proud of myself on the issue of moderation, even in drug use. I've never considered myself reckless or careless with my use. But my problem lies in that, I have justified my use this whole time by more or less saying "look, I can use drugs and still do well in school, still maintain relationships etc." But it wasn't until recently where I've realized that there is no way this mindset could last forever, and the struggle will only become more difficult as time goes on. To everyone who posted here on this thread, thank you for the advice and support and stories of struggle. I am committed to doing my best to not have a horror story to tell later in life, as I am lucky I don't have any to tell up to this point. I hope to get to know everyone of you.

windysan

nick90

pictures are worth 1000 words lol