kotabear

My xah is now homeless, living in his station wagon, in walmart parking lot, lost both of his job's this past week, cause he got depressed when he came and visited!!!

He think's it's a good life experenice for himself... even though it sucks.

He told me no to the recovery center!

It get's cold at night, and he drinks to sleep...longer.

I worry, that he will die, in the cold, and being drunk! I know that I am powerless over this... it's his choice, but still doesn't make me like it... he even said no to coming to my house, for a shower, meal, and the girls christmas program.

:praying

Thanks for listening, back to work~Kota

Thumper

Ugh.

No accounting for the ridiculous decisions an alcoholic will make. He has plenty of options but apparently likes wallowing around in his own private pity party.

Pelican

This is his choice.

Salvation Army and some other church groups will take him in and help him get sober. He chooses not to get sober and he chooses to sleep in his car.

I'm sorry that you are having to witness his downward spiral.

(((hugs)))

kotabear

Thank you all,

He has gone to the salvation army, he had a voucher for a motel room, and he stayed for his 30 days, and 2 job's, but on his last day of staying in the hotel room, and getting paid, he came up and stayed with the girls and I to visit, for the weekend, after that, he never went to work, and said he sleep (and most likely drank) for 3 days!

It is hard to watch him spiral, that he has no bottom.... and he doesn't think I care.

MrsMagoo

I'm soooo sorry. My AH recently "decided" to be homeless as well. He slept in his truck, or wherever for a month then ended up at a shelter for several months.

Every time I took a shower, went to the refrigerator, watched TV, did a load of laundry, you name it, I was engulfed with guilt! Every time I bought a cup of coffee, went to the grocery store or a movie, I was engulfed in guilt. I knew his homelessness was his choice but I also knew that the homelessness would get him to rock bottom a lot quicker than if I made a single move to help him.

This felt like a gamble and I'm not one to gamble. I had tried it my way so many times and I always got the same results. I decided to try it the sane way, the SR way, the Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, etc. way and guess what? I found out yesterday that he's a transitional living environment which probably means he detoxed and went. He is across the state (thank God) and I cannot do anything but pray and wait for God's will to be done.

Give him over to God and see what happens. You are doing a good job so far. Keep living your life and taking care of your kids. Try not to feel guilty because your husband HAS made a choice.

So many times I wanted to send food to the shelter. I was donating soap and stuff like that through the church. He wouldn't know it came from me but I knew.

Someone said to me that I should let him have his dignity and stay out of the process. I didn't understand that. How could a homeless man who has lost EVERYTHING --- EVERYTHING have any dignity? Now I'm finding out. AH's dignity is in shreds but it's up to him to repair it along with all the other damage he's done to himself and to others. That's the purpose of the 12-steps. Just try to breath for now.

kotabear

That is exactly how I feel! I work in the agricultural field and everyone is talking about the weather, about how it's going to turn bitter cold in a few days, and I just want to scream... no! But I can't... so I breathe!

Thank you for your responds so much Mrs. Magoo.

onlyliveonce

My EXH lived in his van in the Wal-Mart parking lot also. Now he is in jail but lived like that for many many months and never got tired of it I suppose. It does suck big time but that's their choices. He would go into Wal-Mart and walk around the store while eating his food from the deli. Stole food and beer and anything else he needed from there. He also used to manipulate people in the parking lot to abtain whatever he needed. Mine used to favor Wal-Mart because they are open 24 hrs. and it wasn't illegal for him to park there. He also moved to different ones so he wouldn't be seen too much.

I didn't offer any help except rehab. I've offered help for 18 yrs. and it fell on deaf ears so not my problem anymore. He knows where to go when he's ready.

I know it sucks but you are doing the right thing. They will never find recovery if we keep cushioning their falls. You have nothing to feel bad about, these are his choices, let him own them. I just divorced my H on Nov.13 but detached with love and that's the best thing ever. Sending hugs and prayers your way )

Wal-Mart ought to start charging per parking space )

Linkmeister

My exABF was homeless for a while after I kicked him out after what seemed like an eternity of drinking and emotional abuse. Eternity was actually a week or so but it got to the point where I was feeling very threatened so, with the help of the police, he was removed. He ended up in a grotty motel and then a homeless shelter. Of course, I got the begging and pleading calls but I said no and he was forced to stay there. Every time I passed by the shelter, I would get these guilt pangs as the people who stay there for any length of time are up early, fed and made to go out for the day. I almost caved and let him back but something told me not to.

Thought that was his bottom - according to him it was. Fast forward to the present-we each found our own places to focus on our recoveries.

We still stayed in contact and somehow found ourselves back to the point things got before I kicked him out. I saw the relapse coming but was not ready to stop enabling him. Now, he has been drinking steady for over 2 weeks, is on the brink of losing his job, he's lost me, has no one else but has yet to hit bottom. Tonight, he called me from a bar because he was "lonely" and decided he's going to work on keeping his job because he needs stability. I was never lucky at gambling and it looks like my streak is intact here.

Al-Anon and SR gave me the ESH to set boundaries, not to accept the unacceptable and start the process of healing and moving on.

That's all you can do - the choices our A's make are just that-their choices. We choose to step back from the insanity and chaos to rebuild and move on.

I have those words of wisdom highlighted in several books and printed out so I can see that every time I want to reach out to him.

teke

hi, by the grace of god, i've been clean now for a few yrs and it took for my family to allow me to suffer the consequences of my own bad choices. at one time i considered myself homeless, i tried to convince others that i was homeless by choice and in a way i was, but what kind of sense did i think it made to just decide to be homeless? i found out that i couldn't feed my addiction and keep a home. then and only then did i get so sick of myself and the life i was living, that i decided i needed help and was willing to do what it took to get better.

a's are very resourceful, when he's ready, he'll find his own way. try to keep the focus on you. my ah was really good at trying to get me to feel guilty for the choices he made for his life. you and yours are in my prayers