Newbie here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Rapid City, SD
Posts: 6
Newbie here
Hi my name is Jessica & a friend of mine referred me. My husband, well technically ex, will be leaving in a week for treatment for chronic marijuana use. He is also mentally ill. Things are really bad.. so I gave the ultimatum he had to get out of our lives or seek help for his mental illness which brought him to getting treatment first. He is doing it on his own. No real intervention, or legal issues.. he wants to get healthy himself. We have 2 children together.
Anyway, I have no one to talk to. It's all so very embarassing. There are so many things involved in all of this, I just need to find someone that kind of understands. Thanks so much. I feel like I am truly falling apart having to deal with all of this.
Anyway, I have no one to talk to. It's all so very embarassing. There are so many things involved in all of this, I just need to find someone that kind of understands. Thanks so much. I feel like I am truly falling apart having to deal with all of this.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
welcome jessica, you've come to a good place for support and to just talk. there is a lot of experience, hope and lots of hugs here. sorry you are going through all of this but so glad you decided to join us.
keep reading and posting, learn all you can about addiction and co dependancy. there is a lot of helpful info in the stickies at the top of the forum page. we recommend alanon or naranon support groups for friends and family members. stick around, others will be along shortly to welcome you. help is on the way.
keep reading and posting, learn all you can about addiction and co dependancy. there is a lot of helpful info in the stickies at the top of the forum page. we recommend alanon or naranon support groups for friends and family members. stick around, others will be along shortly to welcome you. help is on the way.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Originally Posted by Goobeepie 
Hi my name is Jessica & a friend of mine referred me. My husband, well technically ex, will be leaving in a week for treatment for chronic marijuana use. He is also mentally ill. Things are really bad.. so I gave the ultimatum he had to get out of our lives or seek help for his mental illness which brought him to getting treatment first. He is doing it on his own. No real intervention, or legal issues.. he wants to get healthy himself. We have 2 children together.
Anyway, I have no one to talk to. It's all so very embarassing. There are so many things involved in all of this, I just need to find someone that kind of understands. Thanks so much. I feel like I am truly falling apart having to deal with all of this.
Anyway, I have no one to talk to. It's all so very embarassing. There are so many things involved in all of this, I just need to find someone that kind of understands. Thanks so much. I feel like I am truly falling apart having to deal with all of this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome ((Jessica)) - you are definitely not alone. There are a lot of wonderful people here, full of ES&H (experience, strength and hope). I'm a recovering addict (RA) but also a recovering codie (codependent) who has loved ones who are addict. I've never had a situation come up, that someone here hasn't been able to "walk" me through it.
As ((Teke)) said, please keep reading and posting. Ask questions, learn all you can about addiction, and how to take care of YOU. He needs to work on his own recovery.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
As ((Teke)) said, please keep reading and posting. Ask questions, learn all you can about addiction, and how to take care of YOU. He needs to work on his own recovery.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Im also new here and lost and scared.Im glad your loved one wants to get help!I wish you and your family best!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Rapid City, SD
Posts: 6
I am so thankful for all the welcomes. My story truly is one of those I'd read & be like what the hell is she thinking, but of course it's different when it's your own life. I've been with him for almost 8 years, 2 children & many back & forth separations. I truly admit being a "codie" as you called it. I am sooo embarassed I can't even explain because I am NOT that woman. Or I didn't think that was. I've been through so much, I'm strong, I have good self esteem.. I don't know where I went wrong to allow this to become my life. Loving him doesn't seem to be a good justification.
I have always maintained a very liberal view on pot use. I didn't care he smoked it. I feel it should be legalized. I for myself can't stand it. I don't even smoke cigarrettes. Drinking for me, especially since having gastric bypass, is a once in a blue moon happening. So when they discussed putting him in treatment for addiction to weed I thought it was silly because he is mentally ill. Severely. And it is because of major childhood trauma. Well after doing some reading & stuff on the website of the treatment facility he is going to, I feel I am wrong. I still have some of my same views, but I did not know a lot of the things that this article explain about prolonged chronic use. And it makes perfect sense. Fits him to a tee.
I also realize that he (hopefully) will come out of this a different person, hopefully getting healthy & sober for years to come & that cannot happen if we back at home are all the same. So I made appointments a few weeks ago to start getting counseling etc while he is gone. Between grief (I've lost my terminally ill son among other close loved ones), being a caregiver, & being emotionally abused, I need to get me & my kids healthy or what chance does he have too.
But in the waiting period of his funding getting approved etc (no insurance, he is unemployed as am I recently) I find things getting worse & all I can do is sit & wait. He is supposed to go this Friday to a place if the funding gets approved, but it's across South Dakota from where we live, and I ahve no clue how we will get him there. It sucks it's going to be so far away over the holidays, but whatever it takes. I just don't know what I'll do to get him there. There are no options. Hopefully something will come up. He is going, he has to.. and more important he wants to.
But there are many moments I just wanna wash my hands of all of this.. of HIM & go on me & my kids. I do single very well. I'm happy at home with my children. Maybe a little too much.
Thank you so much for not judging. I get enough of that from others. I'm so glad I came here.
I have always maintained a very liberal view on pot use. I didn't care he smoked it. I feel it should be legalized. I for myself can't stand it. I don't even smoke cigarrettes. Drinking for me, especially since having gastric bypass, is a once in a blue moon happening. So when they discussed putting him in treatment for addiction to weed I thought it was silly because he is mentally ill. Severely. And it is because of major childhood trauma. Well after doing some reading & stuff on the website of the treatment facility he is going to, I feel I am wrong. I still have some of my same views, but I did not know a lot of the things that this article explain about prolonged chronic use. And it makes perfect sense. Fits him to a tee.
I also realize that he (hopefully) will come out of this a different person, hopefully getting healthy & sober for years to come & that cannot happen if we back at home are all the same. So I made appointments a few weeks ago to start getting counseling etc while he is gone. Between grief (I've lost my terminally ill son among other close loved ones), being a caregiver, & being emotionally abused, I need to get me & my kids healthy or what chance does he have too.
But in the waiting period of his funding getting approved etc (no insurance, he is unemployed as am I recently) I find things getting worse & all I can do is sit & wait. He is supposed to go this Friday to a place if the funding gets approved, but it's across South Dakota from where we live, and I ahve no clue how we will get him there. It sucks it's going to be so far away over the holidays, but whatever it takes. I just don't know what I'll do to get him there. There are no options. Hopefully something will come up. He is going, he has to.. and more important he wants to.
But there are many moments I just wanna wash my hands of all of this.. of HIM & go on me & my kids. I do single very well. I'm happy at home with my children. Maybe a little too much.
Thank you so much for not judging. I get enough of that from others. I'm so glad I came here.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
sorry to hear about your loss.
no need to feel embarrassed, we have all been where you are or are there now. we are here to help each other. just in case the funding does not work out the way you plan, i pray that it does, maybe you could check your area for state funded or salvation army for rehab.
i'm a recovering addict and i was not in a position to pay for the private more expensive ones. i think they all basically operate on the same principals besides, the work only begins with rehab, the rest is up to the addict to continue to apply the tools learned in rehab after they are out. i really do pray that things work out for you and yours,
btw, have you gone to any alanon/naranon meetings yet?
no need to feel embarrassed, we have all been where you are or are there now. we are here to help each other. just in case the funding does not work out the way you plan, i pray that it does, maybe you could check your area for state funded or salvation army for rehab.
i'm a recovering addict and i was not in a position to pay for the private more expensive ones. i think they all basically operate on the same principals besides, the work only begins with rehab, the rest is up to the addict to continue to apply the tools learned in rehab after they are out. i really do pray that things work out for you and yours,
btw, have you gone to any alanon/naranon meetings yet?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Rapid City, SD
Posts: 6
Well if funding doesn't go through for the one on the other side of the state, which I really think would be better suited for him, much more structured, he already got approved for this place we initially thought he was going only about an hr away. So either way he's leaving. Being all that ways, & for the amount of time & such would be hard, but like I said I think that place clear in Sioux Falls would be better because he needs something more structured etc. I just don't care anymore & in this moment wanting him gone. But trust me in 10 mins I may feel differently. This bipolar manic back & forth is killing me.. not just him. But I can't imagine how he feels having to live with his brain the way it is.
I just want to curl into a ball & sleep. But I have kids to take care of.
I just want to curl into a ball & sleep. But I have kids to take care of.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 5
Hi,
I'm very new here too... and have a husband who is addicted to pot too, but in my case he doesn't think he has a problem and he is not willing to do anything about it. I'm starting to learn here that there is nothing that you can do if the addict doesn't want to change... so let me tell you that in your case you are way ahead, and I wish you all the best in this new journey.
I can see that you've been through a LOT... I'm really sorry about your son. Could you explain me more about your husband's mental illness???!!!
I'm very new here too... and have a husband who is addicted to pot too, but in my case he doesn't think he has a problem and he is not willing to do anything about it. I'm starting to learn here that there is nothing that you can do if the addict doesn't want to change... so let me tell you that in your case you are way ahead, and I wish you all the best in this new journey.
I can see that you've been through a LOT... I'm really sorry about your son. Could you explain me more about your husband's mental illness???!!!
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