PuzzledinTX

Hi all,
It's been awhile since I last posted. To recap, I'm the adult daughter of an alcoholic Vietnam veteran. It's been hard for me to maintain a good relationship with him, since he lives in Massachusetts and I'm in Texas. He seems to only remember my existence when he's really far gone with the drinking, and calls me, crying hysterically, about how he misses me. In spite of the fact that he's been in a better financial position to visit me in TX rather than me travel to MA more often, he's never once made the effort to visit me here. Yet, he constantly berates me when he's drunk for not coming home more often. I know it's the alcohol talking, but it makes me feel bad.

The biggest problem as of right now seems to be his girlfriend. He initially lead me to believe it was very casual. He's now hinting at marriage, even though the two of them are constantly quarreling with each other. She drinks as much as he does, and apparently has him paying several of her expenses. The worst thing is that she seems to be discouraging him from having any contact with the rest of the family, including my grandmother who isn't in good health. My worst fear is that if they do marry, she'll keep everyone out of the loop if he gets sick and keep me from seeing him. God-willing, it won't get that far. His behavior even worries my mom, who divorced him over 10 years ago.

My apologies for the "manuscript", but I just had to get this off my chest. Sometimes it just helps to be able to talk about things freely.

Pelican

It does help to vent and get things out. It also helps to see things in black and white when we put them in print.

Thanks for giving us an update on your father. For your dad, nothing has changed in his relationship to alcohol. Same old, same old, right?

Remember: You did not cause his addiction
You can not control his addiction
You will not cure his addiction

The only part of the relationship you can control is yourself and your reactions.

What steps are you taking to learn healthier responses and attitudes?

PuzzledinTX

My first biggie is refusing to let him put me on a guilt trip. I'm not going to let him make me feel responsible for his misfortunes anymore. Secondly, I'm going to be there as much as I can for anyone else in the family who's been alienated by his actions. No matter what happens, it'll be easier on everyone if we've learned to accept that we can't change him.