GreenStep

My GF is a depressed alcoholic. I've been with her for 3 years and because I'm so in love, I have taken a hell of a lot of sadness and pain from the relationship.

I couldn't even begin to list all of the things that have happened in this time period but I would just like to say, it's nice to know I'm not the only one out there in this situation.

After 3 years of mental abuse I finally plucked up the courage and gave her the ultimatum of alcohol counselling or I'm out of her life for good. She amazingly took the counselling option which made me ever so happy. The only problem is, after 2 sessions, she's now drinking more than ever with the excuse of "The sessions are digging up things that make me want to drink, the counsellor says it's ok to drink as long as I write down what is on my mind."

To be honest, I'm at my wits end. She has already spent all her wages this month on alcohol and expects me to pay for her next session and is currently in the process of guilt tripping me into it paying.

Sorry, I wish I could write down the whole backstory but it would be way too long and personal.

I wish I had the strength to leave her but I just can't leave her, she will drink herself to death

Am I being insensitive in getting upset with the drinking?

Thank you for reading.

LaTeeDa

It sounds like that's what she's going to do anyway. How is you staying going to stop it?

L

Pelican

Welcome to the Sober Recovery family!

We've got several members from across the pond too!

Pull out your keyboard and make yourself at home. Please feel free to write a novella about your relationship if that helps you.

Have you heard the term codependency? It happens to a lot of us in relationships with alcoholics. I was always trying to anticipate the next binge. I was always trying to orchestrate days off to prevent the inevitable drunk.

Here's my favorite definition of codependency:
"A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior."
That is from Melody Beatties book "Codependent No More"

I recommend that book, Alanon meetings, counseling, and/or self-help books.

In the sticky posts at the top of this forum, you will find information about setting boundaries in relationships, information about alcoholism and some of our stories and experiences are listed there as well.

Please read and post as much as you need too. We're here to support YOU!

GreenStep

Thanks for replying LaTeeDa.

I don't know... Maybe in the sense that she won't go too far off the rails while I'm still holding her hand. I couldn't bear the thought if the worst happened and I could have prevented it in some way.

GreenStep

Pelican said "Have you heard the term codependency? It happens to a lot of us in relationships with alcoholics. I was always trying to anticipate the next binge"

How scarily true... It's almost like you gain a sixth sense on it. I've got to the point where I can tell when she's drunk from her text messages, and I'm not talking glaring mistakes either.

Thank you.

naive

hiya greenstep-

welcome aboard!

you being with her is not going to stop her drinking. it enables it and permits it to continue.

as for the counseling and the cost, here's some good news: alcoholics annoymous is free! there are 4 different meetings in kent.

naive

Still Waters

You can't control her drinking, you can't make her drink more or less than she's going to. It doesn't matter if you're there or not.

Oh, she'll say it matters, because she wants you to help her justify her drinking...but it doesn't matter really.

What do you want for YOU GreenStep?