canuckch

I have gone to 4 Al-Anon meetings now. I have been trying to make it to 1 meeting every week.
But I am having such a hard time "sharing". The new group I found is great . There is always enough time for everyone to share and everyone does. But it is so hard for me and I really have to force myself to speak out. Do you think it is an important part and necessary for healing? Or is it enough to go to the meetings without speaking out?
Thank you for your insights.

honoryourself

I'd imagine everyone goes at their own pace. When I started going, many members told me that they were amazed I was speaking from the start, and that when they first walked into the rooms they were unable to speak for weeks or months even. I guess it depends on your comfort level with the people in the room and how strong you feel at the moment! I have mostly had trouble because I start crying and when I cry I can't talk. I still try though, because I feel like getting it out in the open means it's not stuck inside, and for me that's healing.

Linkmeister

When I first started in Al_anon, I sat and listened for quite a few meetings-this is from someone who could talk rings around anyone, anytime. The way I see it is that when you're ready, you'll share - there's no set time, rules or anything. Even now, there are days when I will share or like recently with the turmoil going on with me, I'll just listen. SOmetimes, listening to others is just as healing as sharing.

Astro

Whether I'm at an AA, CoDA, or Al-Anon meeting I've never been required to share, it's not mandatory. If we're doing round-robin sharing it's always optional to say Hi, my name is Scott, I'm a *********, I'd just like to listen today, I'll pass. Sometimes I just need to listen for the message.

But, yes it can be a very healing and freeing experience if I take action and open my mouth. If there's something on my mind and I don't share about it, how will anyone know that I'm reaching out for help? I've also been told that someone in the room might need to hear something to help them in their recovery, what if I've got the words they need to hear but I don't share them?

It was really hard for me to share in early recovery so I do understand, and there are still times when I just feel the need to listen, but the longer I'm around the easier it becomes to open up and share something useful.

canuckch

Thank you for your replies. I figured since everyone shared I kind of had to. I didn't want to be the one that just takes and listens but doesn't contribute anything. If that makes any sense. And I can see where getting it off your chest and saying things out loud must be healing. If it just wouldn't be so hard! I can always feel the heat rise up in my body and I know my head must be redder than red. It is good to know that it is not a requirement and even better to know that it does get easier.
Thank you very much.

Linkmeister

I'm finding it easier to share in meetings now and it takes such a load off of my shoulders and my mind once I say what's in my heart. I find that whatever is on my mind seems to lose some of the sting, some of the fear or whatever is going on with me once I share.

Some of the most profound things I've heard at my meetings come from newcomers to AL-Anon - we all have something special to share with each other no matter how long we have been going to meetings.