Startingover2

Been doing better this week. Trying not to focus on things I cannot change. Living my life for baby and my other kids. Being the best parent and human being I can be.

So I just posted on a friend of mine FB comment she made about a great night she had with her new bf. Well, of course it sends you updates on any following comments. Evidently this 'friend' of mine is also friends with married gf. She left a comment right after mine. You can see her pic next to the comment and its one of her and exah. Arms around eachother, her head laying on his shoulder and smiling. She said in her comment "I love nights like that with the man you love". Ok, that fricking man you love...was MY HUSBAND!

Ouch.

There goes all of my "i don't care". It sucked to see that. How can it not? He was my husband, father of my child. One who tells me he loves and misses us.

Also, how can she do that? She is a married woman still living at home WITH her husband? She is trying to play happy relationship in such a dysfunctional way.

There goes my up mood.

wanting

I know it hurts, but soon enough, their "relationship" will all go to $hit and you'll be in a much better place.

But jeez, what kind of person rubs it your face like that? What a c-word.

laurie6781

SO2 I am sorry you had to see that, however, there is a positive side to all of this.

She is the one who has no idea of the 'hell' she is getting herself in to and here you are, coming out the other side of it. He is dysfunctional and she is dysfunctional, so, of course, they are attracted to each other, and boy what a mess that is going to turn into.

You on the other hand are out of the dysfunction for the most part, there is light at the end of your tunnel.

You can start your day over at anytime throughout the day, so ....................... put yourself back where you were before you read that, and continue to enjoy your day and your children and your peaceful home.

Love and hugs,

naive

just a different perspective...

i would be thrilled if my xABF got a new woman. then, he would get his sight off of me and i would be free to move on.

as it stands right now, i moved out 7 months ago and he's not letting go. so, everytime he's drunk, i have him at my door, or woe-is-me letters through the mailbox. he goes out of his way to figure out where i am, what i'm doing....it's a nightmare!

just offering you the flip side of the coin.

yours is moving on to his next victim. from where i sit, you're lucky!

i don't have a facebook account and from the amount of pain i witness it causing people here at SR, i don't think i'll open one.

all of the advice to disconnect even from people who know our alcoholic is really quite sound advice. see how you were doing well in your ignorance of his life and once you hear some news, we're a man down again.

perhaps consider getting off of facebook for a while until you get up on your feet again. i know it's tough but what is the price of the repeated emotional blows from hearing about his life and actually seeing pictures?

you know yourself who he is and you have overwhelming evidence already. do you really need more information about him? how much more pain are you willing to take?

naive

transformyself

Here's a crazy thought.

I make songs out of so many things, your post title started the "Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care, " song, but you can sing it like this:

I can't control him and I don't care
I can't control him and I don't care
I can't control him and I don't caaaaaare...
My life's better anyway...


Or you can come up with that last line. I"m not thrilled with it, but it's a start.

Can't you hide posts from that skanky *****? I think you can, if you click on that X thingly on the right..

naive

ha ha. good one!

jimmy cracked a beer, and i don't care
jimmy cracked a beer, and i don't care
jimmy cracked a beer, and i don't caaaaarrree
because i'm far away

TakingCharge999

jimmy is drunk again, and i don't care
jimmy is drunk at work, and i don't care
jimmy is in love, and i don't caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare
because i'm done with hell

TakingCharge999

Startingover, I had FB and it was hell.

I opened a new FB with a handful of friends and it was still hell.

I just do not use FB anymore... or just sporadically to see if someone of my true friends is in town.

Lately I have noticed who my friends really are and I am just not interested in investing my time in someone "in between", someone who knows my ex in any way or reminds me of anything of the past. Or anyone who let me down before.

Ignorance is bliss. The less I know, the less I hear, the less I see, the stronger I feel.

Anyone else's 'happiness' does not rob you of anything. Whatever he does, whatever she does, whatever naive does, whatever I do... none of that has to do with you personally. If you smile now... (cmon, try it!smile!!)... WHO can take it away? NO ONE! whatever is going on... it has NO IMPACT on you and your great peaceful life

There is much joy for you! for many of us that has meant going no contact with ex, friends, common contacts, possible common contacts, places, reminders, etc. etc until enough time has passed and we are stronger......

I am rambling but I wish you the best. We are all rooting for YOU! And yes I am also blessed XABF went with someone else. Otherwise I would have suffered for years. It was like securing my ticket out of hell.

Soon you will see this for what it is, a gift from God/HP because you need to feel these feelings, and if you keep them, they will hurt you.

You'd better not be distracted while you pursue your individual journey towards serenity and wisdom. You'd better get your heart clean and receptive again, so it can contain real joy. Not the one that can be shown in a random picture, but the one known only to the brave souls capable of looking inward in honesty. That is the joy reserved for you and for me, because we have earned it, we earn it day by day.

Trust your process. Keep moving forward :ghug2 And receive a hug from me and the cats!!

Startingover2

Love the songs! Made me smile. Thank you.

I am feeling better although the picture of them is still in my head. I know it will end in disaster at some point although it seems she is desperate enough to keep putting up with all of his crap over and over. Guess she has to go down the same road we all have.

Gonna give my baby a kiss when she wakes up and be so thankful that we get 4 exah days. He is leaving today for the weekend.

heavenlyone

Oh, I'm so sorry you had to see that.
That would probably make me want to throw up
What a horrible woman.
But, she doesn't know what she's got herself into.
Hugs

Startingover2

It did make me want to throw up. To see them together all close is sickning. The same man I married, made vows to, had a child with, the same man who told me last weekend he missed us. YUCK.

I feel sorry for her at times, but she is having an affair with exah. She is married! How disgusting is she. Her poor husband.

TakingCharge999

SO2, when those doubts start sinking in, I imagine maybe xabf's gf is already a SR member. Maybe I will be the one welcoming her to the site. Or maybe I already did.

Perhaps you will be welcoming this woman to the site, in a few days or weeks or months. She seems confused and deserves compassion. I'm glad you are feeling better!!!!!

Still Waters

On the FB thing. I've never used it, but I did create an account for an online business I have that has a direct merchant plugin for FB.

A couple weeks ago, I got an email that a friend was going to friend me on FB, she was worried about how I was etc...just wanted to stay in touch. I explained that I don't use it other than for business, but sure I'd take her friend request.

Yesterday I was looking around in there and dropped a quick comment on her "wall" or whatever it is. When I clicked on her name, I noticed others who had commented also. Guess who? You guessed it - he is now to be found in most of the places I used to go, and some I never went but that might have connection to me.

FB is bad for people in our situation, I really believe that.

Startingover2

Yes, FB has been fun in alot of ways. I have connected with some old friends, stayed in touch with some others....and then the other side of FB is what happened to us. You just never know what you will see. I don't have alot of friends to hang out with so FB kinda gave me a social outlet. Pathetic I know!

Free108

FB was like a mine field for me when we broke up. I didn't want to quit using the site because I already felt so isolated as my whole social life had been turned upside down with the separation, but I would get regularly hurt every time I logged on.
The interesting thing now though is that after a couple of months I actually am comforted by seeing what he's up to now and again because it's so obvious from his posts and comments that he's living a life that I don't want to take part in anymore. Whereas all his little fans used to make me feel insecure, now I am grateful that I'm not involved in all the unhealthiness. Then there are the photos of his latest party nights - sad shots of him looking wasted, thinking that he looks cool or something, hanging out with 25 year olds. I just end up hoping that he gets his act together sooner rather than later, but I feel very disconnected because it's all so unappealing now.
The pain that I went through breaking my addiction to him was horrendous, but now I'm starting to feel very relieved and much much calmer and I'm incredibly grateful that I'm not suffering as badly anymore. Not that it's always all roses, but it's quite manageable now.
I understand your disbelief and grief over the promises and commitments that you made to each other though. I still feel very betrayed and can't quite believe that his addictions have blown our life up like this, but at least the jealousy and craziness is calming down...

Kittyboo

Startingover, ugh!! I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes fb is more trouble than it's worth, but I to am trying to focus soley on the fact that I can't control him/them, but I can certainly control me and my reactions.

I firmly believe that it is a fact that people like her who do stuff like that are truly miserable deep down. People who are content with their world and themselves, don't try to inflict pain on others. And that is what she was trying to do....no matter how childish. So she can live in her inner misery......I betcha it won't be long until the SAME thing happens to her on facebook. Mark my words.

Second, if I were you, I would block her. Then you wouldn't be able to see her at all, it's like she wouldn't even exist on facebook. And really, since it's seemingly so important to her to leave comments around you.....she'll have to find something else to do with her time, because YOU are too good to even deal with that. bs.

BIG HUGS

Still Waters

You can block people?

I didn't know that.

Kittyboo

Oh yes! I am an expert!lol

All you have to do is click on the person , you don't have to be their friend. Scroll down, should be toward the lower left it will say report /block person. Click on that, then the box that says "block". Then confirm.

When you block someone they become invisible basically. As do you. They can't search for you, see you through other friends, anything....it's like you don't even exist on facebook and nor do they to you. It's a great feature on a site I think.

Still Waters

Awesome Kittyboo, thanks so much!

Kittyboo

You're welcome! If I can assist in removing any toxicity from anyone's life....my work is done!