veryregretful

Quick question I hope. I ended up keep typing and don't mean to. So please bear with me.

I found two alateen meetings close by that have alanon at the same time. One on monday the other on tuesday. Last night after my AH blew off my son he said he didn't want to go to alateen but I think that it would be good for him to see that his feelings are justifiable. I mentioned to him that if he went to alateen he would be supporting me in alanon and vice versa. I know I am the parent. Should I just say next Tuesday that this is where we are going and let's just check it out. I think they need to understand more than I can explain. I'm trying not to tell/show them my emotions but it's very hard.

I've been to monday night alanon and wanted to try a different on to see which one i like better.

Is it wrong of me to bring them to alateen if they don't want to go? Or is this the codie in me being codependant to them?

Help?

thank you
denise

ANEWAUGUST

Hi there..

It is great that you are looking into Alateen for your children. They make think they aren't quite ready to go, or don't need to right now.

A nice way to introduce them to it might be to bring them to an Al-Anon meeting that you like. That way, they can see how meetings work, and feel the love and support of the group.

Or, if you have a clergy person that is close with them, you might talk to them, and they in turn talk with your children.

Any healthy outlet for them to express their feelings and work thru the anger, shame and other emotions they might experience would help....

Just some thoughts...

Bernadette

Maybe just bring some of the AlAteen literature home if you are going to pass right by a meeting.

Leave it laying around.

And then just focus on your own recovery. If they see positive changes in you and see the real serenity you find by working AlAnon maybe they will ask to go when they are ready...

It's tough with teens, but you've said it, they know it's there.....and remember there's no rush, it is so good that they will see you making an effort to change and cope in healthy ways...and AlAteen/AlAnon will always be there this week or in 6 months or in 6 years...

good luck-
b

LucyA

I did that for Joe, he isn't 'the type' to go to meetings and share etc, but I know he's looked up sites on the pc since I brought stuff home (yep, I check up on the kids online, cos they're kids!)
If he has the info and wants to find out he will, from memory your son is 15? I have a 15 year old and if I told him he was going somewhere he didn't want to go to or wasn't ready for he'd just dig his heels in, if he went he'd be so against it it'd be pointless. With Joe I've just made gentle suggestions and even now he isn't interested, his problem has disappeared in a way I guess (as harsh as that sounds I think it's true) and he wants to get on with his life.

I don't know if that helps, but that's how it's been for us.

Jazzman

My step children only went to a few meetings but at least they knew they were not the only kids on the planet with these troubles. Plus they know a support mechanism is there if they want it. If it were me I would not make the first two meetings optional, only that participation in the first two IS optional.

NYC_Chick

I would ask them to go. I went to alateen for a while because of my dad, but ultimately decided not to go. It helped me realize I was not alone and the group was there if I needed or wanted to go.